Of Some Signs Whereby It Will be Known When One Goes After Things Purely for God, and When One Goes After Them for Oneself

THE blessed St. Gregory notes a good sign whereby to know whether in our ministrations to our neighbor we are seeking purely the glory of God or are seeking ourselves. See if, when another preaches very well and stirs up the whole world and gathers much fruit in souls, you are as pleased as when you do the like. If you are not pleased, but seem rather smitten with sadness or envy, it is a clear sign that you are not seeking purely the glory of God. And he quotes to this effect the Apostle St. James: If you have a bitter jealousy, and nourish in your heart feelings of contention and envy, your wisdom cometh not from above, but is earthly, animal, diabolical (James iii. 14). This is not zeal for the glory and honor of God, but zeal for your being honored and esteemed as that other is. For if you desired the glory of God, and not your own, you would be glad that there should be many such men and that others should do what you had not the capacity nor knowledge to do. So the Scripture tells us of Moses, when Josue would have had him hinder several persons from prophesying in the camp, he answered, showing himself much annoyed: Why are you zealous on my account? Would to God that all the people might prophesy, and that God would impart His Holy Spirit to them all (Num. xi. 29). A servant of God ought in like manner to say: “Would to God that all were great preachers and that the Lord would give them much of His spirit, that thus the honor and glory of God might be spread wide and His holy name known and hallowed all over the world!”

We have a very good example of this in Father Master Avila. It is said of him that, when he learned that God our Lord had brought into the world the Society of Jesus by means of our holy Father and understood the end and institute thereof, he said that he had aspired for many years to bring this to pass, but could never compass it; and that the same thing had happened to him as might happen to a little child who, being on the slope of a mountain, should try with all his strength to roll a heavy burden to the top and could not do so by reason of the smallness of his strength; and then a giant should come along who took up the burden which the child could not lift, and carried it whither he would with the greatest ease. By this comparison, in his humility, he made himself out a little child and our Father Ignatius a giant. But what makes to our purpose is that he remained as satisfied and pleased as if the Society had been instituted by his means, since he desired therein nothing but the glory of God and the salvation of souls. These are God’s good and faithful ministers, who seek not themselves but Jesus Christ.

The true servant of God should have such a pure desire of the glory and honor of God and of the profit and salvation of souls that, when God would have this effected by means of some other person, he should be as well satisfied as if it had been done by himself. Wherefore it is a very laudable practice that some servants of God, who are zealous for the conversion of souls, do observe in praying after this manner: “Lord, let this man be converted; let this soul be gained to Thee; let the profit and the estate be made by means of whomsoever Thou shalt please; I don’t want anything attributing to me.” This is walking in truth and purity, desiring not our honor and reputation, but the greater honor and glory of God.

We may say the same concerning our own and our brethren’s spiritual advancement. Whoever is pained or disheartened because he sees his brother growing and advancing in virtue while he lags behind, seeks not purely the greater glory of God. For though it be true that a faithful servant of God ought to have his heart pierced with sorrow to see that he serves not so great a Master with such diligence as he ought, yet it does not therefore follow from thence that he needs must fret himself or repine because another makes greater progress than he does. On the contrary, in the great sorrow he has that he serves God no better, it should be a comfort and relief to him to see that, though in his weakness he falls below standard, there are others who come up to what he would desire, glorifying and greatly serving the Lord. That discouragement and distress which some feel is born of selflove and some pride or secret envy; for if you really desired the greater honor and glory of God, it is clear that you would receive much pleasure and content from seeing others growing greatly in virtue and perfection, although on the other hand you would feel sorrow and confusion for your not serving Him so well.

Secondly, when a religious does his duty and the things commanded him in such sort as not to mind whether they command him this or that, whether they put him in this office or that, it is a very good sign that he does things purely for God, since he maintains this equanimity and entire indifference by the fact of his seeking only to do the will of God, resting not at all on the matter of the actions he does. But if he does not do what is humble and laborious with the same good grace as what is easy and honorable, it is a sign that he does it not purely for God, but is seeking himself and his own taste and convenience. And so that holy man says very well: “If God were the motive of thy desire, thou wouldst rejoice in whatever way He ordered the affair.”

Thirdly, it is a sign that you are not doing things purely for God, but for human considerations, when you expect your superior to thank you for what you do and the labor you undergo, giving you to understand by his words that you have done the thing well, or at least showing some sign of satisfaction, and are disheartened when he does nothing of the sort. If you did things purely for God, you would not wonder at that, nor take account of it; rather you would be confounded and ashamed when the superior gave you any indication, taking it to come of your imperfection and weakness, and you would complain of yourself and say: “Sorry and wretched creature that I am, am I such a child and so tender in virtue that it is needful to nourish me and keep me up with these things!” It is told in the “Spiritual Meadow” of the abbot, John the Younger, a monk of the Thebaid, who was the disciple of Abbot Amon, that for twelve years he served one of the ancient Fathers who was infirm; and though this Father saw that the task was so heavy and so engrossing, he never spoke to him one kind or loving word, but on the contrary treated him rudely. Finally, the old man finding himself near his death, and a great many hermits coming to visit him and being all gathered round him, he called this humble and patient disciple and, taking him by the hand, he said to him three times: “Stay with God! Stay with God! Stay with God!” and commended him to the assembled Fathers, to treat him as a son, saying: “This is not a man, but an angel; for these many twelve years that he has served me in my sickness, he has never had a good word from me, yet, notwithstanding, he has never failed to serve me with great diligence and affection.”