15. To William

Brother Anselm, called Abbot of Bec, to his loved and longed-for (would it were loving and longing) William: despise dangerous and miserable vanities, and seek the secure and blessed verity.

So completely, oh my beloved whom I yearn after, has Almighty God filled my soul (by His grace, not through my own merits) with love for thee, that, agi tated between the longing for thy salvation and the fear of thy peril, being excited day and night by anxiety for thee, it cannot rest; blessed be God for His gifts, and 70 William. 131 would that He might take away from thee thy hatred for thine own soul even as He hath given unto me the yearning for thy salvation. Bear with me, dear friend, and endure him who loveth thee, should I appear to thee importunate, and speak to thee more sternly than thou wouldst wish. For the love of thy soul compelleth mine, nor alloweth it to suffer that thou shouldst hate that which it loveth with an ever-present love. Receive, therefore, most dear one, with a love which I pray God to impart to thee, the sayings of him who loveth thee. Thou, dearly beloved, art what love sayeth with pain, and grief sayeth lovingly, who (which may God put away from thee) hast hated that soul of thine beloved of mine; for "whoso loveth iniquity hateth his own soul," Ps. xi. 6 (in the Latin). Iniquity of a truth, and many iniquities are they with which thou dost so eagerly make thyself happy, oh my beloved. Iniquity, and many iniquities are they whither the force of worldly things, rushing to ruin, impels thee, my loved one. For the bloody confusion of war is iniquity. The ambition of worldly vanity is iniquity. The insatiable desire for false advantages and false riches is iniquity. Towards these, alas! I see him whom I so long to keep back by loving him, drawn by the subtle enemy deceiving his heart. Oh God, friend and deliverer of man, let not the enemy draw Thy servant away! Thou tellest me, beloved brother: "I do not love these things, but I love my brother who is entangled in them: and there fore I hasten to be involved therein with him, that I may help and guard him." Alas! wretched grief from the miserable error of the sons of Adam! Why, oh man, sayest thou not rather: "I love not these things, but Christ my God; and therefore flying from these I hasten to Him that I may be helped and guarded by Him." And so thou, having heard the crash of the world falling into ruins upon thy brother, and disregard ing Christ who calleth thee, dost rush under that ruin that a mortal man, a worm of earth, may beneath so confused a weight and such overwhelming confusion help and protect another worm of earth, another mor tal. Answer me, brother: who shall help and guard thee helping and guarding him? God, whom thou carest less to follow than that brother of thine! Christ, who calleth thee, thou scorn est to follow in peace and in thine own country and among thy relations and friends that an "heir of God" and "joint-heir with Him "thou mayest possess the kingdom of heaven; and by such and so many difficult rugged ways, through rough seas and stormy tempests thou hastenest to thy brother amid the confusion of war, that thou mayest see him (to suppose something great) bearing rule over the Greeks. Now thinkest thou that God will help and guard him better by thee than without thee? or thee on his account more than on his own? rather much the less would He do it: for He is wroth if He seeth any one loved by any other more than that other loveth Him. But perchance thou sayest: "If I begin to follow Christ, I fear lest on account of my weakness I should fall away." How over and over again one must grieve and weep at the error of the sons of men! They fear not failure in following after those things which always do fail; rather they run after them with all their heart; and they venture not to follow after God who never fails them and promises them His aid, fearing lest they fail. They rejoice in falling away that they may fail, and fear to advance lest they fall away. Believe, I exhort thee, in the counsel of God, and commit thyself wholly to the help of God, and thou shalt experience no failure in His service. Last, beloved and longed-for, and dear friend, "Cast thy burden upon the Lord," and be assured, since the Holy Spirit so promises, that "He shall nourish thee." Delay not thy so great good, and fulfil my yearning for thee, that I may have thee for my companion in following Christ; and that we may strive together so that as thou seest me, so I may see thee a companion in Christ's inheritance, which He gives. Be not ashamed of breaking the chains of vain intentions; since it is no shame, but an honour, to pass into the liberty of the truth. Be ashamed of loving God less than the treasurer of B, who as a young man of thy age was self-indulgent and hand some, very rich, of noble birth, and excessively fond of worldly pleasure; and when once formerly I was, as now, in England, he coming to Bec for I know not what cause, being moved by the sudden grace of the Holy Spirit to retreat forthwith, bound himself to remain here as a monk, having taken at once the ton sure and our habit, affirming that he was now happier than ever before in his life. Blush not to confess thyself one of Christ's poor, for thine will be the kingdom of heaven. Fear not to become the soldier of so great a King, for the King Himself will be beside thee in every danger. Delay no longer to enter in this life on the road which thou hast chosen; lest perchance in the other life thou be hindered from receiving the crown of blessedness. I advise, counsel, pray, adjure, enjoin thee as one most dear to abandon that Jerusalem which now is no vision of peace, but of tribulation, where with bloody hands men contend for the treasures of Constan tinople and Babylon: and to enter upon the road to the heavenly Jerusalem, which is the vision of peace, where thou shalt find a treasure only to be received by those who despise the others. I end this long letter unwillingly, since out of the abundance of the heart my mouth desireth to speak much to thee. May Almighty God, who in that other one whom I spoke of just now, in whom I desired to rejoice with a like but lesser longing, since with less hope than I have in thee, worked more than my heart hoped, not disappoint my greater hope of thee and my greater longing for thee. And if God should inspire thy heart before my return: God is at Bec with our brethren when I am absent as when I am there. God direct thy heart according to His will, and gratify my desire of thee according to His mercy. Amen.