To Canon A.
Letter 1
Reverend and dear Canon A ,
How good it is to spend Lent, Holy Week, and Easter in Carmel ! It is like nowhere else. What joy I felt at singing the Alleluia in the white mantle and the dear habit which I have so long desired ! It was bliss to spend Maundy Thursday near Him ; I should have remained there all night, but the Master bade me go to rest. But that does not matter, does it ? We find Him as much in our sleep as in our prayer, since He is in all, everywhere, always, at all times. I returned to the choir at two o'clock in the morning. You can guess how glad I was to be there. I grow fonder every day of the grille that makes me the prisoner of His love ; it is such happiness to think that we are both captives, fettered by our love for one another. More than that, we are but one victim, offered to the Father for souls "that they may be made perfect in one."1
Thank God, whenever you think of your little Carmelite, for having given her so blessed a lot It is heaven already. The horizon is so beautiful ! It is He ! . . . What will it be above, since here below our union is so intimate ? You know how homesick I feel for Paradise. My longing is not lessened, but I already see heaven, since I bear it within me. One seems so near it in Carmel. Will you not come and see me some day, and chat through the grille as you used to with your little Elizabeth ? Do you remember the first time I told you my secret in St. Hilary's cloister? I have spent many a happy moment with you, and I beg God to reward you for all the good you have done me. I remember how glad I used to feel when I could spend a short time with you and talk over my great secret. I was but a child, yet you never doubted that God had called me.
Letter 2
August 2, 1903.
I remember our conversations in the last holidays we spent together among the beautiful mountains, and how we used to stroll together by moonlight. . . on the hill by the church. How lovely it was in the calm and silence of night ! Did you not feel that my whole heart went out to Him ? And then Mass in the little chapel — the Mass you said ! . . . I shall never forget those happy times. My soul and heart follow you now, and I feel very near to you. I delight in the thought of having left all for Him ; it is a joy to give when one loves, and I love so ardently the God Who wishes to have me for Himself alone. I feel His love descending on my soul ! It is like an ocean into which I plunge and lose myself; my vision on earth while I wait to see Him face to face in the light: He is in me and I in Him. I only have to love and to let myself be loved every moment ; to wake in love, to act in Jove, to sleep in love, my soul in His, my heart in His, that by His contact He may purify and deliver me from my misery. If you only knew how full I am \ of Him ! I should like to tell you all about it as in the old days at St. Hilary's, and then bathe myself in the precious Blood. I almost commit the sin of envy when I think of dear mamma. I beg you, at least, at Holy Mass to put my soul in the chalice, and to ask the Bridegroom to make me wholly pure, a virgin soul, one with Him.
Letter 3
^ January, 1904.
Since the divine " Little One " dwells in my soul, His prayer belongs to me, and I delight in directing it towards those for whom I shall always feel the deepest gratitude, so that you have a large share in my poor little prayers. Christmas, of which I have always been very fond, has a character all its own at Carmel. Instead of passing the holy vigil with mamma and " Guite," I spent it in the great silence in the choir, close to Him, and delighted in saying to 1 myself: "He is my All, my one and only All." \ What happiness and peace it brings the soul ! He is the One ; I have given Him all. If I look earthwards I see only solitude, even a void, for I cannot deny that my heart has suffered ; but if I keep my gaze fixed on Him, my glowing Star, oh ! all else disappears, and I lose myself in Him like a drop in J the ocean ; all is calm and peace 1 St. Paul alludes to this divine peace when he says that it " surpasses all understanding."2
On Sunday, the anniversary of the great day of my profession, I shall be in retreat, and shall delight in passing the day near my Bridegroom. I hunger for Him ; He opens abysses in my soul which He alone can fill by leading me into profound silence where I should like to stay for ever. Good-bye,
Canon A , I beg you to pray for me, for I have great need of your help. Remember your Carmelite at the Holy Sacrifice, at the altar of Him she loves. Tell the good God that she longs to be His victim, so that He may ever dwell in her, and that she may have something to give to others.
Letter 4
January, 1905.
I have prayed much to my Divine Bridegroom for you, asking Him to give you the most precious of all His treasures — and is not that Himself, Jesus, the gift of God ? He makes me experience more fully every day the joy of being His — His alone — and my Carmelite vocation leads me to adore and thank Him. Yes, St. Paul's words are true : c< He has loved us with an exceeding love." He has loved His little Elizabeth too much, but love calls forth love, and I ask nothing of the good God but that I may grasp that knowledge of charity spoken of by St. Paul, of which my heart longs to sound the very depths ; but I must wait for heaven to understand it, must I not ? Yet it seems to me that we can begin to learn it on earth, since we possess Him, and in spite of everything, we can dwell in His love. He made me understand this during my private retreat in October. Ten days full of silence and absolute solitude ! From Carcassonne you can see the happy hermit bury herself in her desert. I am indeed happy, and it does me good to say so, especially to you, for I know you still feel a fatherly affection for me.
If you only knew how unchanged my heart is — indeed, it is enlarged and dilated by its contact with the God of all love. It is in Him that I am still your own, and that I kneel to receive your cherished blessing.
Letter 5
Before burying myself in the solitude of the desert, our Reverend Mother has given me leave to let you know how happy your kind letter has made me. Mamma told me that you were suffering with your arm, but I hope from what you write that the rheumatism has gone.
Poor mamma ! She wishes the Alleluia had been sung already. God will reward her motherly heart for its long fast ! Yes, Canon, as you say, there is much to expiate and much to plead for ; so many wants need fervent and continual prayer and ardent love. The power of a soul given up to love is very great. We see it in St. Mary Magdalen : one word from her sufficed to obtain the resurrection of Lazarus. There is an urgent call for this good God to work many a resurrection in our dear France which I love to set where the Divine Blood will flow upon it. St. Paul says that we have " the remission of sins, according to the riches of His grace which hath superabounded in us."3 The thought is such a help to me ! Oh ! what a consolation to go and be saved by Him at times when we only realize our miseries,4 and how full I am of them ! But the good God has given me a mother, the image of His mercy, who knows how to calm the anguish of her little one's soul in a moment, and to give her wings to fly beneath the rays of the creative Star, so that my life is spent in thanksgiving, united to the eternal praise sung by the saints in heaven, while 1 pass my apprenticeship on earth. . . . During holy Lent pray for your child ; consecrate her with the sacred Host, so that nothing more may remain of poor " Elizabeth," but that she may be wholly cc of the Trinity." Then her prayer can become all powerful, and you will profit by it, since you have so large a share in it — which is only acquitting herself of her heavy debt of gratitude ! . . . Good-bye, dear
Canon A ! the bell is calling me to Matins.
I shall not forget you there. That will be the first time. . . .
Letter 6
Feast of the Ascension, 1905,
Dear mamma has told me that you have been very ill. I have asked Reverend Mother to allow me to pay you a short visit. To-day the Divine Master returns to His Father, Who is our Father as well, and He will prepare us a place in His heritage of glory. I am asking Him to take all your bonds into bondage and to set you quickly upon your feet again. You must tell me if He listens to His Carmelite. We had our last recreation to-day before entering our retreat in the Cenacle until Pentecost. I feel that I shall be closer to you than ever during these ten days, for I shall dwell more completely in Him. St. Paul, whose beautiful epistles I am studying, and which delight me, says : " The things that are of God no man knoweth but the Spirit of God." * The plan of my retreat will be to hold myself by faith and love beneath the c< unction from the Holy One," f of which St. John speaks, since He alone " searcheth the deep things of God." J Oh ! pray for me, that I may not grieve this Spirit of Love but may allow Him to work all the creations of His grace within my heart ! Will you also pray for my dear community, and above all, for our Reverend Mother and all her intentions? I ask you to help me to requite my debt of gratitude to her. If you only knew what she is to your little child! A virtue from God continually flows from her soul into mine. If, on her feast-day, you could offer her the lovely bouquet, crimsoned with the Blood of the Lamb, that so delighted her last year, I assure you I should be overjoyed. I thank you beforehand, being certain that my wish will be granted if possible. How simple I am with you ! But are you not the father of my little soul ?
Good-bye, dear Canon A . Bless me and obtain for me the Spirit of Love and Light !
Footnotes
Chapter 2 of 5