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Mondaie Nighte

THIS daie (after thou hast made the signe of the Crosse, and prepared thy selfe hereunto,) thou must attēde to the knowledge of thy selfe, ād thou must vse diligence to call to minde thy sinnes and offences. And this is the waie to obteine trewe humilitie of harte, and repentance, which are the two first gates, and foundations of a Christian life.

For the better performance whereof,1 thou must thinke firs;t of all vpon the multitude of the sinnes of thy former lyfe, and espetially vpon those offences, that thou diddest cōmit, at what time thou haddest least knowledge of almightie God. For if thou canst well vewe and examyne them, thou shalt finde that they haue exceeded in nomber the verie heares of thy heade, and that thou diddest liue at that time like an heathen, that knoweth not what God is.

This done, ronne ouer breefelie the tenne commaundementes, and the seuen deadlie synnes, and thou shalt see, that there is no one of them, wherein peraduenture thou hast not offended more or lesse, diuers and sundry times, by thought, worde, or deede. Our first father Adam did eate but of one onely tree forbidden him,2 when he committed the greatest sinne of the worlde? But thou hast set thy eies, and handes infinite times vpon all sinnes.

3 In like maner ronne ouer all the benefites of almightie God, and all the times of thy life past, and consider wherein thou hast emploied them, forsomuche as thou must vndowtedlie geue an accompte at the verie hower of thy deathe of all these thinges. And therefore it were well done, that thou shouldest first take an accompte of thine owne doynges, and enter into iudgement with thy selfe,4 that thou be not afterwardes iudged of almightie God.

5 Wherefore tell me now, wherein hast thou spente thy childehoode? Wherein thy infancie? Wherein thy youth? To be short, wherein hast thou spente all the daies of thy lyfe past? Wherein hast thou occupied thy bodely senses, and the powers of thy soule, which almightie God hath geuen thee to this ende,6 that thou shouldest knowe him, and serue him? Wherein hast thou employed thine eies, but in beholdinge of vanities? Wherein thine eares, but in harkeninge after lies? Wherein thy tonge, but peraduenture in all kinde of swearinge, backbytinge, and most vnhonest talke? Wherein hast thou occupied thy rast, thy smellinge, and thy touchinge, but onelie in pleasures, and delites, and in sensuall and fleashly allurementes? What benefite hast thou taken by the Sacramentes, which almightie God hath ordeyned for thy remedie and comforre? How thankefull hast thou bene vnto him for his benefites? How hast thou answered vnto his inspirations? Wherein hast thou spente thy healthe, thy naturall forces, and habilites? How hast thou employed the goodes, which are tearmed the goodes of fortune? How hast thou vsed the meanes and oportunities, which almightie God hath geuen thee to leade a holie, and vertuous lyfe? What care hast thou had of thy neighbour, whom almightie God hath commended vnto thee? And of those workes of mercie, which he hath appointed thee to vse towardes him? Now what answere wilt thou make at that dreadfull daie of thyne accompte, (to wit, at the hower of thy deathe) when almightie God shall saie vnto thee.7 Geue me an accompte of thy stewardshippe, and of the landes, and goodes, that I haue committed to thy charge: For now I will that thou shalt haue no more to doe therewith? O drye and withered tree, readie for the euerlastinge horrible tormentes in hell fier! What answere wilt thou make at that terrible daie, when an accompte shalbe required of thee, of all the time of thy life, and of all the minutes, and momentes of the same?

And assure thy selfe, that it will so certainlie come to passe: for euen our sauiour Christ himself (who shalbe our Iudge) hath plainlie protested it, and forwarned vs beforehand thereof:8 sayenge: Euerie idell worde that men haue spoken, they shall render an accompte of the same at the daye of Iudgment.

9 Secondly, call to minde what sinnes thou hast committed, and doest commit euerie daie, since the tyme thou art come to a further knowledge of almightie God. And thou shalt finde that euen now presently (all that knowledge notwithstandinge) olde Adam liueth in thee, with manie of thy lewde corrupt maners and auncient customes. Wherevpon thou mayest take occasion to runne ouer the negligences, and defectes, wherein thou doest dailie offende against almightie God, against thy neighbour, and against thy selfe. For in each of these pointes, thou shalt fynde thy selfe to haue failed verie much in thy dutie. Cōsider then how vnreuerent thou arte towardes almightie God: how vnthankefull for his benefites: how rebellious, and stife necked to yeelde to his inspirations: how slouthfull, and negligent in matters apperteininge to his seruice: which either thou had left vndone, or els if thou hast done them, it was not with suche a readines, and diligence, as the thinges required, nor with such a pure intention as thou oughtest to haue had: but the verie true cause why thou diddest them, was for some other respecte of worldlie commoditie.

Consider likewise how harde and seuere thou art towardes thy neighbour, and contrariewise how pittiefull and fauorable towardes thy selfe: what a louer of thyne owne proper will, of thy fleashe, of thy estimation, and of all thy worldly profites, and commodities. Consider moreouer, that whereas thou sayest in wordes, that thou arte now conuerted vnto almightie God, thou art yet notwithstandinge in thy deedes very proude, ambitious, angrie, rashe, vaineglorious, enuious, malitious, delicate, inconstant, light, sensuall, a great louer of thy pastymes, of pleasante companie, laughter, iestynge, idell talke, and of vaine bablynge, and pratlinge. Consider also, how vnconstant thou arte in thy good purposes: how vnaduised in thy woordes: how headlonge in thy deedes: how cowardly, and faynte harted to doe anie matter of weight, and importance.

Thirdly,10 when thou hast considered in this order the multitude of thy sinnes, consider forthwith the greiuousnes of them, that thou mayest perceaue how thy miseries be increased on euerie side. The whiche thinge thou shalt the better see,11 if thou consider these thre circumstances in all such sinnes, as thou hast committed in thy former lyfe: to witt: Against whom thou hast sinned: For what cause thou hast sinned: And in what maner thou hast sinned. If thou consider against whom thou hast sinned, thou shalt finde that thou hast sinned against almightie God, whose goodnes and maiestie is infinite: whose benefittes and mercies towardes mankinde doe exceede the sandes of the Sea: in whom alone are all excellencies, and titles of honour to be fownde: and to whom all dueties and homagies dewe to anie creature, are due in the highest degree of bounden dewtie. If thou consider the cause that moued thee to sinne, it was for a poynte of estimation, for a beastly delight, for a trifelinge worldly commoditie, and for other thinges of no weighte: whereof almightie God him selfe, most greuously complaineth by one of his Prophettes,12 saienge: They haue dishonored me, in the presence of my people, for a handfull of barlie and for a peece of breade. But if thow cōsider after what maner thou hast sinned? Suerlie it hath bene done with such facilitie, with such boldnes, so without all scruple, so without all feare, yea sometimes with such contentation, and ioye, as if thou haddest sinned against a God of strawe, that neither knewe, nor sawe, what passeth in the worlde. Now is this the honour that is due vnto so highe a maiestie? Is this the thanckfulnes that thou yeeldest for his so manifolde, and so great benefits? Is this the recōpence that thou makest vnto him for the pretious bloude, which he hath shed for thee vpon the crosse? Is this the repaiment for those lashes, and buffettes, which he suffered for thy sake? O miserable and wretched creature that thou art! Wretched vndowtedlie in consideration of that thou hast lost: and more wretched in respect of the sinnes thou hast committed: but most wretched and miserable, if thou be so blynded, that euen yet for all this thou perceaue not thyne owne perdition, and damnation.

Consider moreouer what a wonderfull hatred almightie God beareth against sinne, and what great punnishementes he hath sent to the worlde for the same: that hereby thou mayest more clearlie vnderstande, how great, and how abhominable the wickednes thereof is, as it shalbe declared hereafter.

When thou hast considered all these thinges aforesayd, the next poynte is,13 that thou thinke of thy selfe as basely, as thou canst possibly. Thinke that thow art no better than a verie waueringe reede, which is blowen vp and downe with euerie light blast of wynde. without weight, without strengthe, without firmenes, without staie, and without anie maner of beinge.14 Thinke that thou art a Lazarus, that hath lyen dead fowre daies together, and that thou art a stinckinge and abhominable carcas, so full of wormes, and of so vyle a stentche, and sauour, that as manie as passe by thee, doe stoppe their noses, and shutte their eies, that they maye not beholde thee. Thinke with thy selfe, that thou doest stincke in this wise in the sight of almightie God, and of his holie angels. And esteeme thy selfe, as vnworthy to lift vp thy eies towardes heauen: vnworthy that the earthe shoulde beare thee: vnworthie that anie creature shoulde serue thee: vnworthie of the verie breade that thou eatest: and vnworthie euen of the light, and aier, that thou receauest. And if thou be vnworthie hereof: consider how much more vnworthie thou art to speake and talke with almightie God:15 yea and farre more vnworthie of the comfortes and consolations of the holie Ghost, and of the cheryshinges, and delightes of the children of God. Accompte thy selfe for one of the most poore, and miserable creatures of all the worlde: and that none doth so much abuse the benefites of almightie God,16 as thou doest. Thinke that if almightie God had wrought in Tire, and Sidon (that is, in other verie greate sinners) those thinges, which he hath wrought in thee, they woulde haue done penance ere this, euen in sackclothe, and ashes. Acknowledge thy selfe to be farre more wicked than thou canst imagin, and that notwithstandinge thou doest sincke verie deepe into this myer, and howsoeuer thou imaginest thy selfe to be at the verie bottome, yet maist thou fynde euerie daye, how to sincke deeper and deeper therein. Crie out therefore earnestlie vnto almightie God, and saie vnto him: O Lorde I haue nothinge, I am worthe nothinge, I am nothinge, and nothinge can I doe without thee.17 Cast thy selfe downe prostrate with the publike sinner at our Sauiours feete, and coueringe thy face for verie shame, and cōfusion, looke with what shame a womā will appeare before her husbande, when she hath committed treason, and adulterie against him, with the verie same presente thy selfe before that heauenlie spouse, against whom thou hast committed so manie, and so shamefull adulteries. And with great sorrowe, and repentance of hart, desire him to pardon thy synnes and offences, and that it maye please him of his infinite pittie, and mercie, to receiue thee againe into his howse.

THE FIRST TREATISE: OF THE CONSIDERATION OF SYNnes. Wherein this former meditation is declared more…

THE first table after shipwracke, (as S, Ierome witnesseth) is penance. This is the first steppe of this ascendynge, and the first stone of this spirituall buildinge,

Now to obteine this vertue of pennance, (besides the grace of God, whose gifte true penance is, it helpeth verie much, to consider the multitude of our sinnes, aswell present, as past: and withall the greiuousnes and malice of them. For of this consideration proceedeth the compunction, and repentance for synnes.

And out of this consideration proceedeth not onely the vertue of pennance, but also manye other vertues, yea and those verie excellent. For hereof commeth the knowledge of our selues (of which pointe we minde to treat in the meditation nexte followinge.) Of this cōsideration also commeth the contempt of our selues: the feare of God: the abhorringe of sinne: with diuers and sundrie other like affections, wherein consisteth a verie great parte of perfection. Now that this exercise maie be the more profitable vnto thee, thou must applie and direct the same vnto all these endes: and labour to sucke all these sweite fruites out of the bitter roote of this consideration. But because towardes the obteyninge of such fruites, it is nedefull to haue the grace of God, (which is principallie geuen to such as be humble and deuoute) it shalbe requisite for thee, to desire of our Lorde this gifte of humilitie, and deuotion, to the ende that recollectinge thy selfe in the inwarde parte of thy harte,18 thou mayest imitate that holie kinge, who said: I will recite before thoe, ô Lorde, all the yeares of my life, in the bitternes of my harte.

Of the Mvltitvde of the Sinnes, That Thov Hast Committed in Thy Former Life. § I

NOW if thou wilte knowe the nomber of thy synnes, that thou hast committed in tymes past, ronneouer briefly all the commaundementes, and deadly sinnes: and vndowtedly thou shalt finde, that there is scarsely a commaundemente, that thou hast not broken, nor a deadly synne, wherein thou hast not offended.

19 The first commaundemente is to honor almightie God, who (as S. Augustine saieth) is honored with those thre Theologicall vertues: FAITH: HOPE: AND CHARITIE.20 Now what maner of Faith had he, that hath liued so loosely, as if he had beleued that all those thinges which his faith teacheth him had bene starke lyes? What Hope had he,21 that neither remembred the life to come: neither knewe what it was to call vpon almightie God in his troubles and aduersities: nor yet how to put his assured trust,22 and affiance in him? What Charitie had he, that hath more loued a pointe of honor, more accompted of the chaffe of his worldly lucre, and commoditie, and more regarded the filthines of his pleasures, and delites, than almightie God him selfe: syth that for euerie one of these thinges he hath contemned, and offended almightie God?23 What reuerence hath he borne to that most highe, and diuine maiestie, that hath bene accustomed to rente that name of so great reuerence, and to teare it in peeces; in swearinge,24 and forsweringe by it vpon euerie lighte occasion, and that for euerie trifle, and matter of none importance? How hath he sanctified and kepte holie his Feastes, that hath gaped for these daies to none other ende,25 but onely to offende almightie God the more in them: to vse dysinge, cardinge, playenge at tables, bowlinge, and other games: to iette and gase vp and downe in the streetes: to geue scandall and offence to innocent yonge maydens and virgyns: and to kepe euill companie and conuersation?

After this, consider how frowarde, and obstinate thou hast bene towardes thy parentes? How disobedient to thy superiors? How negligent in ouerseinge thy familie and seruantes, to instructe them in Catholike doctrine, and prayers: to traine them vp in honestie, vertue, and goodnes: and to direct them with thy good counsell, and vertuous example, in the waye of God? As for the hatreds, displeasures, grudges, passions, and desires of reuenge, which thou hast had, who is able to nomber them? And if these thinges cannot fully be expressed, who is then able to declare the nomber of the dishonesties, and vncleannes, wherein thou hast fallen by workes, wordes, and desires? What hath thy harte bene, but a filthie puddle, and stynckinge dungehill, meete for beastly swyne? What hath thy mouth bene,26 but (as the Prophet saieth) An open sepulchre, from whence haue issued the euill sauours of thy soule, that lye dead within thee? What hath thine eies bene, but as it were certaine windowes of perdition, and deathe? What thinge hath bene presented to the sighte of thyne eies, that thou hast not couered. and procured, neuer so much as once remembringe that almigtie God was present, and lokinge vpon thee, and that he had geuen thee an inhibition that thou shouldest not taste of that tree?27 Vnto the fornicator (the Wise man saieth) all bread is sweete. Because his appetite, and griedie desire is so vnsaciable, that he tasteth all thinges, and fyndeth sauour in all thinges, neuer remēbringe that there is a God vnto whom he must be accomptable for them. Moreouer, who is able to declare the greatnes of thy couetousnes, and the robberies, and theftes of thy desires, which haue bene so farre of from beinge contented with that, that almightie God hath geuen thee, that all the whole worlde hath seemed to litle for thē. And if he that desireth an other mans landes, or goodes, be (as in verie deede he is) a verie theyfe in the sight of almightie God, how oftē times hast thou deserued to be hanged, that in thy harte hast committed so manie theftes? Now as towchinge thy lyes, thy backbytinges, and rashe iudgementes, as hardly maye they be nombred, as the rest. For in a maner thou neuer haddest scarsely communication with others but that the principall parte of thy talke hath bene of other folkes liues, of the widowe, of the virgin, of the preist, and of the laie man, without sparinge any order or estate whatsoeuer.

28 After this sorte hast thou obserued the commaundementes of almightie God. Let vs now see how thou hast refrained thy selfe from sinne. The pryde of thy harte, how great hath it bene? Thy desire of honor, and praise, how farre hath it extended? Thy presumption, thy estimation of thy selfe, and thy contempt of others, who is able to expresse? Now what shall I saie of the vaine glorie, and lightnes of thy harte, sith that euen a light fether in thy cappe, or a straite payre of hose on thy legges, or a garde of veluet vpon thy clooke, or a fewe silke cuttes, and iagges, haue bene able to make thee to strowte, iette, and aduanuce thy selfe verie proudly, fondelie, and peacoklike in the streetes? yea, and to make thee desirous to be gased vpon of all men? What steppes hast thou made, what worke hast thou done, what worde hast thou spoken, that hath not bene set forthe with vanitie, and desire of thine one estimation? Thy apparell, thy seruice, thy conuersation, thy table, thy bedde, thy enterteynmente, to be short in a maner all thy dealinges, and demayneure, haue sauored of pryde, yea, they haue bene whollie clothed with mere vanitie. Furthermore thy anger hath bene like a Serpent: thy glotonie, like a raueninge woulfe: thy slouth, like a lasie Asse: thy enuie, farre passinge anie viper: And herein finallie (if thou doe well consider thy selfe) thou shalt finde that thou hast gone verie farre wanderinge out of the waye, and liued in a verie dangerous state.29

Consider likewise of thy senses, and not onely of them, but also of all the giftes, graces, and benefites, that almightie God hath geuen thee. And consider after what sort thou hast emploied them, and vndowtedlie thou shalt finde, that of all these thinges, (wherewith thou shouldest haue done the more seruice vnto him, who is the geuer of them all,) thou hast made weapons, and instrumentes, wherewithall to offende him the more. Herein hast thou consumed thy strengthe, thy healthe, thy substance, thy lyfe, thy vnderstandinge, thy memorie, thy will, thy sight, thy tonge, with all the rest.

These and manie other worse wicked actes, hast thou committed in thy lyfe past. Wherefore thou mayest verie well saie with that great synner, (who as he was a great synner, so was he also a repentant sinner:30) I haue sinned (ô Lorde) aboue the nomber of the sandes of the sea: my transgressions (O Lorde) are multiplied, my offences are exciedinge manie. And whereas there were so manie thinges, that might somewhat haue brideled thee, and made the affraied of almightie God: as the multitude of his benefites: and his exceedinge great goodnes, and iustice: yet for all his benefites thou wouldest neuer acnowledge him, nor for his goodnes loue him, nor for his iustice feare him, but vtterlie forgettinge all these thinges, and closinge fast thyne eies frō beholdinge thē, as one that had bene starke blinde, thou hast wilfullie wallowed thy selfe in all kinde of vices. Now if it had so bene, that the cōmodities, and prouocations, thou haddest to allure thee to sinne had bene great, then peraduenture thyne offences might haue had some pretensed colour of excuse. But what cāst thou saye for thy selfe, seinge that euen for triflinge matters of no importance, for childishe toyes, yea manie times without anie commoditie at all, thou hast voluntarilie synned, as it were onelie in mere contempt, and despite of almightie God? Other men when they sinne, are wonte to doe it with some feare, and remorse of conscience, or at the least after the synne is committed they are verie sorie for it. But thou perhappes hast bene so blynde, and so vnsensible, that thou hast committed a thowsande sinnes without anie kinde of feare, or remorse of conscience, euen as if thou haddest thought that there had bene no God at all. Or if thou haddest belieued that there was a God, yet thy beliefe was like vnto theirs,31 that sayed. Our Lorde shall not see our doinges, neither shall the God of Iacob vnderstande them. This is one of the greatest wickednes in all the worlde. For emonge those sixe thinges, which (as Salomon sayeth) are abhorred of almightie God,32 one is: To haue swifte feete to ronne to doe wickednes: That is: to haue a facilitie, and swiftnes, which the wicked haue in offendinge almightie God.

OF THE SINNES AND DEFECTES, THAT A MAN MAIE falle into, after he is come to the knowledge of…

IN theese and manie other sinnes it is certaine that thou hast fallen before thou knewest almightie God. But after thou diddest come to the knowledge of him (if happlie thou hast yet knowen him) desire him that he will a litle open thine eies, and thou shalt fynde that euen still for all this knowledge there are manie reliques of the olde man, and manie Iebusees yet remayninge in the lande of promise:33 because thou hast delt so fauorably with them, and hast bene so well affected towardes them.

Consider then how in all thinges thou art full of defectes, to witt: in thy duetie towardes God, towardes thy neighbour, and towardes thy selfe. Consider how litle thou hast profited in the seruice of thy creator, beinge so longe a time as it is, since he called thee. Cō sider how liuely thy passions are euen yet to this daye: How litle thou hast encreased in vertues: And how thou hast continewed euermore at one same staie, euen like vnto an olde knottie tree, that neuer thryuethe, but rather perhappes thou hast tourned backwarde 34 Forsomuch as in the waie of God, the not goeinge forwarde, is a tourninge backwarde. At the least wise consider as towchinge thy feruour, and deuotion of spirite. Is it well (trowest thou) that thou arte now verie farre of from that feruent deuotion, which peraduenture thou hast had in tymes past?

Consider also, how litle penance thou hast done for thy sinnes, and how litle loue, feare, and hope, thou hast had in almightie God. Thy litle loue towardes him is seene by the litle paines thou hast taken for his sake. Thy litle feare of him is perceaued by the manifolde sinnes, thou hast committed against him. Thy litle confidence, and trust in him, is well declared in the tyme of tribulation, by the great raginge stormes, and troubles of minde, which thou sufferedst in that tempest, for that thou hast not perfectly staied and setled thy hart with the anckers of hope.

Furthermore, consider how euill thou hast answered to his diuine inspirations: how vnwilling thou hast shewed thy selfe to receaue the light of heauen:35 how thou hast grieued the holie Ghost, and sufferest him to crie and call vpon thee so often tymes in vaine. For in that thou art lothe to gainesaie and resist thine owne will, thou doest gainesaie and resist the will of almightie God.36 He calleth thee to one waie, and thou followest an other. He woulde haue thee to serue him in one worke, and thou wilt serue him in an other worke. And althoughe thou seest clearlie what the will of almightie God is: yet if happely thyne owne will be sett on the contrarie, thou seruest him in such thinges, as thyne owne will lyketh, and not in such thinges as he woulde haue thee to serue him. He peraduenture calleth thee to inwarde exercises, and thou turnest to those, that be outwarde. He calleth thee to praier, and thou geuest thy selfe to readinge. His will is that thou shouldest first attende to thyne owne soules healthe before anie others: but thou forgettest thy selfe, and settest a syde thine owne profite to profit others. Whereupon it commeth to passe, that thou neither doest profite thy selfe, nor them. To conclude, as often as thy will is contrarie to the will of almightie God, thyne alwaies preuayleth, and is the cōquerour, and the will of almightie God hath the ouerthrowe.

37 And if perhappes thou doe anie good worke, (good Lorde) how manie defectes are there intermingled therein? Yf thou be geuen to praier, how often times art thou there distracted, heauie, ircksome, drowsie, and slouthfull, without anie reuerence to the maiestie of almightie God, vnto whom thou speakest. And thou thinkest the tyme of praier verie longe, and tedious vnto thee, and art neuer in quiet vntill thou hast geuen it ouer, that thou mayest attende to thy other busines, that be more agreable to thy taste, and likinge. Now whē thou doest anie other good worke, ô with what coldnes and faintnes is it done? With how manie defectes and imperfections is it fraighted? If this be certaine that almightie God loketh not so muche vnto the substance of the good worke that is done, as to the intention wherewith it is done, how manie good workes (I praie thee) hast thou done in suche sorte, as they passed awaie pure and cleane, from dust, and chaffe: and that neither vanitie, nor the worlde haue plucked at the least one locke of wolle from them? How manye hast thou done moued onely by the importunitie of others, or for custome, or maners sake? How manie hast thou done onely in regarde of thine owne estimation, and credit? How manie for the pleasinge and lykinge of men? How manie onely to satisfie thyne owne taste, and contentation? And how fewe hast thou done sincerelie and purelie for the loue of God, without hauinge some kinde of vayne respect to the worlde?

38 Now if thou consider how thou hast done thy duetie towardes thy neighbours, thou shalt finde, that thou hast neither loued them as almightie God commaundeth thee, nor bene sorie for their aduersities as for thyne owne, nor endeuored to helpe them in their troubles, neither yet hast thou had so much as euen pittie and compassion vpon them: yea peraduenture in stede of takinge compassion vpon them, thou hast disdayned and grudged at their doeinges,39 though it be certaine that true iustice taketh pittie, and compassion, and false and counterfeit iustice disdaine, and indignation. At the least as towchinge that bonde of loue which the Apostle so often tymes requireth of vs, commaundinge vs to loue one an other, as members of one same bodie, (sith we be all partakers of one same spirit) consider how farre of thou hast bene from hauinge that loue? How oftentymes hast thou omitted to relieue the poore, to visite the sicke, to helpe the widowe, and to be a proctor and mediator for him, who coulde doe verie litle for himselfe? Vnto how manye persons hast thou geuen offence with thy wordes, with thy deedes, and with thy answeres? How oftentimes hast thou preferred thy selfe before thy equales, dispised thy inferiors, and flattered thy superiors, crowchinge, and creepinge downe like a seelie emmet to the one sorte, and strowtinge and aduancinge thy selfe verie prowdlie like an Elephante to the others?

But now if thou wilt take a vewe of thy selfe, and put thine hande into thine owne bosome, ô how leperouse shalt thou plucke it owt againe? and what deepe festered woundes shalt thou finde within thee? How greine and liuelie shalt thou finde within thee the rootes of pride, the loue of honor and estimation, the tycklinge of vaine glorie, and hypochrisie priuelie dissembled, wherewith thou labourest to couer thy defectes, and wouldest gladly seeme to be an other maner of man, than in verie deede thou arte? What a louer arte thou of thine owne worldlie gaine, and cōmoditie, and of the pleasures, and delightes of thy fleashe? Whereunto oftentymes vnder the colour of necessitie, thou doest not onely prouyde, but also serue: thou doest not onely sustein it, but also pamper and cherishe it with great delicacie: Againe, if one of thine equales doe but take the right hande of thee, or set his foote somewhat before thee, or sit aboue thee at the table, howe quickly doe the rootes of enuie bud forthe, and shewe thē selues? And if an other doe but a litle touche thee in a poynte of estimation (good Lorde) what a sodaine, and furious cholericke rage doest thou falle into.

But emonge all other euills, who is able to expresse the losenes of thy tonge, the lightnes of thy harte, the stubbornes of thine owne will, and thy inconstancie in good purposes? How maine waste, and voide wordes doe issue from thy tonge? How much vaine, and needles language doest thou fondelie lauishe out in a daie? How muche doest thou bable and talke to the derogation and hinderance of thy neighbour, and to the praise and commendation of thy selfe? How seldome tymes doest thou denye thine owne will, and geue ouer the praie whereupon it feedeth, to fulfill eyther the will of almightie God, or of thy neighbour? Consider this point attentiuely, and thou shalt fynde that it is verie rare and seldome that thou hast obteyned the victorie ouer thy selfe, and thyne owne peruerse will.40 Whereas in very deede it is alwaies necessarie for thee to haue this victorie, in case thou minde to be perfectly vertuous. Now what shall I saie of thy inconstancie in thy good purposes, but (to conclude in fewe wordes) that there is no wethercocke that so lightelie turneth with euerie wynde as thou doest with the least puffe of euerie tryflinge occasion, that is offered vnto thee? What els is all thy whole lyfe but verie childishe toies, and as it were a weauinge, and vnweauinge? Purposing a thinge in the morninge, and breakinge it at eueninge, yea and sometimes thou tariest not so longe, but changest and alterest thy determinations, if not out of hande, yet the verie same howre? Now what other thinge is this,41 but to be like vnto that Lunatike man mentioned in the gospell, whom the disciples of our Sauiour coulde not heale, for that this disease was so great.

In like maner the lightnes of thy harte, the fickelnes, mutabilitie, vnstedfastnes, and pusilanimitye thereof are such, as they can as hardelye be expressed. For it is manifest, that thy hart chaungeth and varieth into so many diuers shapes, and formes, as there chaunceth diuers occasions and accidentes vnto it euerie howre of the daie, and that without anie firmenes or constancie at all. How soone is it distracted with euerie triflinge busines? How lyghtelye powreth it out all that it hath? And how litle trouble and aduersitie is able to vexe and tormente it, yea and vtterly to ouerwhelme it?

To conclude, when thou hast well examined and made thine accompt arighte, and seest what thou hast, and what thou wantest: thou shalt surelie finde, that thou hast good cause to be afrayed, least all that thou hast, be but onely a verie deceit, and a mere shadowe of vertue, and euen a false and counterfeit iustice: forsomuche as thou hast no more in thee, but a litle taste of almightie God, which maie perhappes sauour more of the fleash, than of the spirite. And yet it maye so be, that herewith thou thinkest thy selfe to be safe, and secure: yea peraduenture thou wilt not sticke to saie with the proude Pharasie:42 That thou art not as other men be: Because they haue not that taste and feelinge that thou hast. Whereas on the other side, thou hast the bosome of thy soule full of selfe loue, and of thine owne obstinate will, and of all the other fowle defectes, and inordinate passions before mētioned. So that all the substance of this thy gaye shewe of vertue, and goodnes, is no more in effecte, but to saie, Lorde! Lorde! and not to doe the will of our Lorde. This is to imitate the counterfeit Iustice of the Pharasees, and to be that lukewarme man, (to witt: neyther hoate nor colde in the seruice of God) which is spoken of in the Apocalipes,43 whom almightie God vometeth out of his mowth.

All these thinges (Christian brother) thou owghtest to consider verie diligently with thy selfe, and to direct this consideration to this ende, that thou mayest hereby procure sorrowe, and griefe for thy sinnes, and atteyne to the knowledge of thyne owne miserie, that by the one thou mayest desire pardon of our Lorde for thine offences past, and by the other vertue, and grace, neuer to offende him anie more.

Of the accusation of a mans owne conscience: And of the abhorrynge and contempte of him selfe. § III

VHEN a man hath thus considered the multitude of his sinnes, and seene himselfe how he is on euerie syde verie sore loden, and ouercharged with the burthen of the same, his parte is to humble himselfe, and to haue as great a sorrowe and compunction as he maie possiblye, and to desire to be contemned, and despised of all creatures, for that he hath thus despised the creator of them all. For the furtherance of which desire he maye helpe him selfe with a verie deuout consideration of S. Bonauenture, wherein speakinge of this confusion of conscience, and of the contempt of our selues, he saieth thus.

Let vs consider my brethern our owne great vilenes, and how greatlie we haue offended almightie God, and let vs humble our selues before him, as much as we can possibly: let vs be affrayde to lift vp our eies towardes heauen, and let vs strike our brestes with that publican of the gospell,44 that almightie God maye take pittie and compassion vpon vs: let vs enforce our selues, and take armes against our owne malice and wickednes:45 let vs become iudges ouer our selues: and let euerie one of vs saie within himselfe. If our Lorde hath bene so reprochefullie handeled for my sake, if he haue suffered so great tormentes and most grieuous paynes for the sinnes that I haue committed, why shoulde not I abase and despise my selfe, beinge the verie person that hath synned? God forbid, that I shoulde euer presume anie thinge more of my selfe than of a most vyle, and filthie dongehill, whose horrible stenche euen I my selfe cannot well abide. I am he that hath despised almightie God: I am he, that hath sought meanes to crucifie him againe vpon the crosse: and me thinketh that all the whole frame of this worlde, crieth out with open voice against me: sayenge: This is he, that hath offended and despised our comon Lorde. This is that wicked and vngratefull wretched creature that hath rather bene moued with the guylefull baites of the deuill, than with the greate benefites of almightie God. This is he, that hath bene more delighted with the malice of the deuill, than with the bountiefull goodnes and fauour of almightie God. This is he, that coulde neuer be induced to vertue and goodnes with the fatherlie louinge cherishinges, and entertaynementes of almightie God: neither coulde he euer be made affrayed with his dreadfull and terrible iudgementes. This is he, that hath (so muche as lyeth in him) defaced the power, wisedome, and goodnes of almightie God, and brought them in contempte. This is he, that hath bene more affraide to offende a seelie weake man, than the omnipotencie of God. This is he, that hath bene more ashamed to commit a filthie acte before a rude plough man of the countrye, than before the presence of almightie God. This is he, that hath rather loued, and chosen to enioye a litle stinckinge donge and myre here vpon the earth, than the euerlastinge cheefe felicitie in the kingdome of heauen. This is he, that hath fixed his eies vpon rotten, and corruptible creatures, and vtterlie neglected the creator. What shall I saie more? There is nothinge so filthie, nothinge so abominable, that he hath refrayned to commit in the presence of almightie God, without hauinge anie respect, or shame, of so great a maiestie.

Wherefore all creatures doe crie out after their maner against me, and saie: This is that leude Caitiffe, that hath abused vs all. For whereas he owght to haue emploied vs in the seruice and glorie of our Creator, he hath made vs to serue the will and pleasure of the deuill, peruertinge all such thinges to the iniurie, and reproche of the creator, as he had created for his seruice. His soule was beawtified with the image of God, and he hath disfigured this diuine image, and clothed it with our vyle image and likenes. He hath bene more earthlie than the earthe it selfe: more slipperie than the water: more mutable than the wynde: more enkendeled in his appetites, than the fire: more hardened than the verie stones: more cruell against him selfe, than the wylde beastes: more spitefull and venemous against others, than the verie Cockatrice. What neede I to vse manie wordes? He hath neither feared almightie God, nor made accompte of men, and therefore he hath cast abroade his poyson (as much as in him laie) vpon manye persones, alluringe them to beare him companie in his synnes and wickednes. He hath not bene contente to be him selfe alone iniurious, and reprochefull against almightie God, but woulde haue manie others also to be parteners, and companions with him in his synfull, wicked, and iniurious doeinges. Now what shall I saie of his other abominable naughtines? His pride hath bene so great, that he woulde not be subiecte vnto almightie God, nor submit his necke vnder the sweete yoke of his obedience, but woulde rather liue as he him selfe thought best, and fulfill his owne will in each poynt, rebellinge (so much as laye in him) against almightie God. If almightie God did not fulfill his appetites and desires, or if he sent him anie troubles, or aduersities, he was in as great an anger, and rage against him, as he woulde haue bene against one of his owne seruantes. In all his doeinges he woulde be praysed, as well in the wicked, as in the good, as thoughe he had bene almightie God himselfe, to whome onely it appertaineth to be praised in all his workes: forsomuche as all that he dothe is good, or ordeyned to goodnes. What shall I saie more? He hath bene more prowde in some degrie than lucifer: more presumptuous thā Adam: For they beinge (as they were) full of clearnes and beautie, had some motiue and prouocation to presume of them selues, but this vngratious synfull caytyfe beinge in verie deede a filthie, and stinckinge dongehill, what shoulde moue and prouoke him to estieme him selfe in anie respect?

All creatures doe therefore iustlie crie out against me, and saie: Come let vs destroie this wicked synfull wretche that hath done such great wronge and villanie to our creator. The earthe saieth: Why doe I beare him? The water saieth: why doe I not drowne him? The ayre saith, why doe I geue him breathe? The fier saith, why doe I not burne him? Hell saith, why doe I not swallowe him vp, and tormente him? Alas! alas! miserable wretche that I am, what shall I doe? Whither shall I goe? Seinge all thinges are in armes against me? Where shall I hyde my selfe? Who will receaue me, seinge I haue offended all thinges? Almightie God I haue despised: the Angels I haue made angrie: the sainctes I haue dishonored: men I haue offended and scandalized: and all creatures I haue most wickedly abused. But to what ende doe I make so longe a discourse? For in that I offended the Lorde and creator of all thinges, I haue also offended all creatures together in him. I knowe not therefore (poore wretched synfull caitiffe that I am) whither I maie goe: forsomuch as I haue made all thinges to become enemies against me. Emongest all the thinges that I see about me, I can fynde nothinge that will take my parte, insomuch as euen myne owne verie consciēce barcketh against me, and all my bowells doe accuse me, and rent me in peeces.

Wherefore I will weepe continuallie: I will lament my wretchednes like a poore miserable creature: I will neuer cease weepinge, so lōge as I liue in this vale of miserie: I will expecte if perhappes my most mercifull Sauiour will vowchesaffe to tourne his pittiefull eies towardes me: I will cast my selfe downe at his feete: and with all the humilitie, and shame that I can, I will saie vnto him. O Lorde I am that great enemie of thine, which in presence of thy diuine eies haue committed most wicked, and abominable offences. I acknowledge my selfe to be guiltie here before thee. I confesse my wickednes to be so great, that althoughe I alone shoulde suffer all the paines and torments that bothe the deuiles, and damned persons doe suffer in hell, yet shoulde I not be able with all this to make a sufficient satisfaction for that, which my synnes haue deserued. Wherefore I beseech thee (ô Lorde) to cast the clooke of thy mercie ouer me thy poore, wretched, and synfull creature: and let the greatnes of thy goodnes ouercome, and couer my wickednes.46 Let the most sweete louinge father reioyce at the comminge home agayne of his prodigall sonne. Let the good shepherde reioyce at the recouerie of his lost shepe. Let the pittiefull woman reioyce at the fyndinge of her lost grote. O how happie and ioyefull shall that daie be, when thou shalt cast thine armes about my necke, and geue me the swete kisses of peace!

Howbeit to obtaine this gratious benefite, I knowe now what I will doe. I will take armes euen against my selfe: And I wilbe more cruell, and rigorous against my selfe, than anie other. I will afflicte and punnishe my selfe all maner of wayes with labours ād paines: and I will despise my selfe as a most stinckinge, and filthie dongehill. Yea I will reioyce when so euer I shalbe despised, and dishonored, how soeuer the same shall happen vnto me. I wilbe glad also, when my shame shalbe descouered, and published abroad. And because I alone am not sufficient to abhorre, and despise my selse, I will ioyne all creatures in the whole worlde vnto me, and will desire to be punnished, and despised by euerie one of thē, forsomuche as I haue despised the Creator of them all. This shalbe vnto me a treasure, which I will verie earnestlie desire; to wit: to heape paines and despites against my selfe, and to loue them with hartie affection, that shall helpe me herein. All the consolations, and honors of this life, shalbe a tormente vnto me: and I will accompt them all to be my most deceitfull, and flatteringe enemies. I beleue assuredly, that in case I shall thus doe, I shall prouoke all thinges (notwithstandinge I haue offended them) to take pittie, and compassion vpon me: and that those creatures, which before cried out against me will now after their maner praie, and entreate in my behalfe. Wherefore I am contented that all dishonors, reproches, and punnishementes doe ronne vpon me on euerie side, so that by them I maie be brought to my most sweete, and mercifull Lorde. And as for all honour, pleasure, and delighte, they shalbe bannished awaie quyte from me, insomuch as the verie names of them shall no more be harde in my howse. In all thinges I will seeke nothinge els, but onely the honor of my Lorde God, and the contempte and confusion of my selfe.

Hetherto are the wordes of S. Bonauenture. Which will vndoutedlie be a very great helpe vnto him,47 that shall deuowtlie meditate vpon them, to procure, and ingender in him these fower noble affections. To witt, sorrowe for sinne: the feare of God: a holie hatred of him selfe: and a desire to be contemned and despised for gods sake. Of the first affection proceedeth penance, which wassheth awaie all our synnes past. In the seconde is conteined the feare of God, which excludeth all sinnes that are to come. By the thirde is obteined a hatred of himselfe, against the lou[…] of him selfe. And by the fourth is obteined true humilitie, against the desire of the glorie of the worlde. Whosoeuer is desirous to obteine these foure vertues, must exercise himselfe in these,48 and such like considerations. But espetiallie hereby is obteined this holie hatred of a mans selfe, whose office is, not onely to eschewe the cherishinges, and delicacies of the bodie, and to procure to himselfe paines and labours, but also much more to despise all maner of dignitie, honour, and estimation of the worlde, and to loue all kinde of contēpt and dishonour for Godes sake. And this affection apperteineth properly vnto humilitie, which is a verie inward[…], and hartie contempte of our selues: Whiche contempte commeth of the true knowledge of our selues, and of the consideration of our owne sinnes. I speake this, to the intente that such as be louers of true humilitie maye vnderstand, that out of this verie same fountaine,49 from whence that water is drawen that maie cause in vs an hatred and abhorringe of our selues, is that other water drawen also, that susteineth, and watereth the tree of true humilitie, out of which tree all vertues doe springe.

Footnotes

  1. Of the multitude of the synnes of thy former life. ↩

  2. Genes. 3. ↩

  3. How thou hast vsed the benefites of almightie God. ↩

    1. Cor. 11. vers. 31.
    ↩

  5. Of mysspendinge thy tyme. ↩

  6. Of the bodelie senses and powers of the soule. ↩

  7. Luc. 16. vers. 2. ↩

  8. Math. 12.36. ↩

  9. Of the synnes that thou hast commytted, synce the time thou hast had more knowledge of God. ↩

  10. Of the greeuousnes of synne. ↩

  11. Thre circumstāces to be considered in sinne. ↩

  12. Ezech. 13. ↩

  13. we must thinke verie basele of our selues. ↩

  14. Ioan. 11. ↩

  15. Luc. 15. Luc. 18. ↩

  16. Marc. 11. ↩

  17. Luc. 7. ↩

  18. Esa. 38. ↩

  19. Of breakinge the commaundementes. ↩

  20. Faythe. ↩

  21. Hope. ↩

  22. Charitie. ↩

  23. Of reuerence vnto almightie God. ↩

  24. Of swerynge and forswerynge. ↩

  25. Of not obseruinge the Sondayes and holy dayes. ↩

  26. Psal 5. ↩

  27. Eccles. 23. ↩

  28. How thou hast refrayned from synne. ↩

  29. Of mysusinge thy senses and benefites of almightie God. ↩

    1. Paral. 36.
    ↩

  31. Psalm. 93. ↩

  32. Prouerb. 6. ↩

  33. Iosuae. 15. Iudic. 1. ↩

  34. The not goeinge forwardes in the waye of God, is a tourninge backewardes. ↩

  35. Ephes. 4. ↩

  36. we must serue God accordinge vnto his will, and not accordinge to our owne will. ↩

  37. How to examyne the defectes and imperfections of thy good workes. ↩

  38. Of thy dewtie towardes thy neighbour. ↩

  39. Trew Iustice taketh compassion, and false Iustice indignation. Ephes. 4. ↩

  40. It is necessarie to haue the victorie ouer our selues, if we mynde to be perfectelie vertuous. ↩

  41. Math. 17. ↩

  42. Luc. 18. ↩

  43. Apocalip. 3. ↩

  44. Luc. 18. ↩

    1. Cor. 11.
    ↩

  46. Luc. 15. ↩

  47. Foure noble affections. ↩

  48. what effectes are caused by hauinge a holie hatred and contempte of a mans selfe. ↩

  49. All vertues doe springe out of humilitie. ↩

Chapter 15 of 29