Letter XVII. To a Lady

We must bear our own infirmities with patience. God acts in different ways towards his servants. Advice on drynesses in prayer. The will of God.

Madam, — Your letter of the 20th January has given me an extreme satisfaction, because in the midst of your miseries which you describe to me, I remark (I think) some progress and profit which you have made in the spiritual life. I shall be briefer in answering you than I could wish, because I have less leisure, and more hindrance than I expected. I will however say quite enough for this time, awaiting another chance of writing to you at full length.

You say then that you are afflicted because you do not discover yourself to me perfectly enough, as you think; and I say to you that though I do not know what you do in my absence, for I am no prophet, I think all the same, that for the little time I have seen and heard you, it is not possible to know your inclinations and their sources better than I do, and I fancy you have few folds into which I do not penetrate quite easily: and however little you open to me the door of your spirit, I seem to see in quite openly: it is a great advantage for you, since you wish to use me for your salvation.

You complain that many imperfections and defects occur in your life, in opposition to the desire you have of the perfection and purity of love for our God. I answer you that we cannot quit ourselves altogether while we are here below; we must always bear ourselves until God bears us to heaven; and as long as we bear ourselves we shall bear nothing of any worth. So we must have patience, and not expect to be able to cure ourselves in a day of so many bad habits, which we have contracted, by the little care we have had of our spiritual health.

God has cured some suddenly, without leaving any trace of their former maladies, as he did in the case of Magdalen, who in an instant, from a sink of the water of corruption was changed into a spring of the water of perfections, and was never muddied from that moment. But also has this same God left in some of his dear disciples many marks of their bad inclinations, for some time after their conversion, and all for their greater profit; witness the blessed St. Peter, who after his first calling stumbled several times into imperfections, and once fell down altogether, and very miserably, by his denial.

Solomon says that the handmaid who suddenly becomes mistress is a very insolent animal.^ There would be great danger that the soul which had long-served its own passions might become proud and vain, if in a moment she became entirely mistress of them. It needs that little by little, and foot by foot, we obtain this dominion, which has cost the saints many decades of years. It needs if you please, to have patience with all the world, but first with yourself.

You do nothing, you say, in prayer. But what would you do, except what you do, which is to present and represent to God your nothingness and your misery?

It is the best harangue beggars make us when they expose to our sight their ulcers and needs.

But sometimes again you do nothing of all this, as you tell me, but remain there like a phantom or a * Prov. xxx. 23- statue. Well, and that is not a little thing. In the palaces of princes and kings, statues are put which are only of use to gratify the prince's eyes; be satisfied then with serving for that purpose, in the presence of God; he will give life to this statue when he likes.

The trees only fructify through the presence of the sun, some sooner, others later, some every year, and others every three years, and not always equally. We are very happy to be able to stay in the presence of God, and let us be satisfied that he will make us bear our fruit, sooner or later, always, or sometimes, according to his good pleasure, to which we must entirely resign ourselves.

The word which you said to me contains wonders: let God put me in what sauce he likes provided that I serve him. But take care to masticate it again and again in your spirit; make it melt in your mouth and do not swallow it in a lump. Mother (St.) Teresa, whom you so love (for which I am glad), says somewhere that very often we say such words by habit, and with a slight attention. We think we say them from the bottom of our soul, but it is not so at all, as we discover afterwards in practice.

Well! you say that in whatever sauce God puts you it is all one. Now you know well in what sauce he has put you, in what state and condition; and tell me is it all one? You know also that he wants you to satisfy this daily obligation of which you write to me, and yet it is not all one to you. My God! how subtly self-love insinuates itself into our affections, however devout they seem and appear.

This is the grand truth; we must look at what God wants, and when we know it we must try to do it gaily, or at least courageously; and not only that, but we must love this will of God, and the obligation which comes from it, were it to keep pigs all our life, and to do the most abject things in the world; for in what sauce God puts us it should be all one: it is the bull's-eye of perfection at which we must all aim; and he who gets nearest gets the prize.

But courage, I beseech you; accustom your will little by little to follow that of God, whithersoever it leads you. Make your will very sensitive to the voice of conscience saying: God wills it; and little' by little these repugnances which you feel so strongly will grow weaker, and soon will cease altogether. But particularly you ought to struggle to hinder the exterior manifestations of the interior repugnance you have, or at least to make them gentler. Among those who are angry or discontented some show their displeasure only by saying: My God, what is this? And others say words which show more irritation and not only a simple discontent, but a certain pride and spleen; what I mean to say is that we must little by little amend these demonstrations, making them less every day.

As to the desire you have to see your friends very far advanced in the service of God and the desire of Christian perfection, I praise it infinitely, and as you wish I will add my weak prayers to the supplications you make ahout it to God. But, madame, I must tell you the truth; I ever fear in these desires which are not of the essence of our salvation and perfection, that there may mingle some suspicion of self-love and our own will. For instance, I fear that we may so much occupy ourselves in these desires which are not necessary to us, as not to leave room enough in our soul for desires which are more necessary and useful, as of our own humility, resignation, sweetness of heart, and the like: or again that we may have so much ardour in these desires as to make them bring us disquiet and eagerness, or in fine, I fear that we may not submit them so perfectly to the will of God as is expedient.

Such things do I fear in such desires; whence 1 pray you to take good care of yourself that you fall not into them, as also to pursue this desire quietly and sweetly, that is, without importuning those whom you want to persuade to this perfection, and even without showing your desire; for, believe me, this would throw back the affair instead of advancing it. You must then by example and words sow amongst them quite quietly things which may induce them to your design; and, without making appearance of wishing to instruct or gain them, you must throw little by little holy inspirations and thoughts into their minds. Thus will you gain much more than in any other way, above all if you add prayer.