Letter VIII. To Madame the Countess de Dalet

Duties of a widow towards her parents and children. The love of parents has great claims.

2$th April, 162 1. MadAi\ie; — I should be much troubled in writing to you on this present subject, if I were not authorized by Madame, your mother; for on what ground could I put my hand to what passes between you two, and how appeal to your conscience, knowiug that you are the only and worthy daughter of a worthy mother, who is full of sense, prudence, and piety? But since I must, then, under this authorization, I will say, Madame, that your mother tells me all that she has told you herself and got told you by many excellent persons (in comparison with whom I am nothing) to bring you round to the desire she has that you deprive her not of your filial help, in these great straits, to which the occurrences you know of have reduced her. She cannot bear to see her estate fall under the burden, and above all, for the want of your help, which she considers to be all that is necessary.

She proposes three plans for this: either that you retire altogether into religion, in order that the creditors may no longer want you as security, and that she may have the free disposal of your children's property; or that you marry again with the advantages which are offered you; or that you remain with her and keep a common purse. She gives in her letter the exceptions you take to the first two plans. She says you have vowed your chastity to God, and that you have four very little children, of whom two are girls, but about the third plan I see nothing in her letter.

As to the first I do not want to interpose my judgment on the question whether your vow obliges you not to ask a dispensation (although she alleges a great precipitation which may have prevented due consideration), for indeed the purity of chastity is of such high price that whoever has vowed it is very happy to

L keep it, and there is nothing to prefer to it except the necessity of the public good.

As to the second, I do not know whether you can lawfully give up that care of your children which God has required from you in making you their mother, and they being so little.

But, as to the third, Madame, I say that your purse ought to be common with your mother, in a case of such great necessity. O God! it is the least we owe to father and mother. I fancy I can indeed discern some reason why. I think a daughter, so placed with children, may keep her purse to herself; but I do not know whether this reason exists in your case: and if it does, it must be very clear and strong, and bear to be seen and examined thoroughly. Amongst enemies, extreme necessity makes all things common; but amongst friends, and such friends as daughters and mothers, we must not wait for extreme necessity, for the command of God urges us too much. In such cases we must lift up eyes and heart to the providence of God, who returns abundantly all that we give according to his holy commandment.

I say too much, Madame; for I had no right to speak on this, except to refer your dear conscience, in this regard, to those to whom you confide it.

"For the rest, as to your spiritual exercises, your mother is content that you perform them after your customary manner, except your retreats at SainteMarie, which she wishes limited to the great feasts of the year, to three days in each forty. You may also be content with this, and supply by spiritual retreats at home, the length of those you could make at SainteMarie.

O my God! dear lady, what we should do for fathers and mothers! and how lovingly must we support the excess, the zeal and the ardour, I had almost said the importunity of their love! These mothers, — they are altogether wonderful (admirables): they would like, I think, always to carry their children, particularly the only child, at their breasts. They often feel jealous if one takes a little amusement out of their presence; they consider that they are never enough loved, and that the love which is due to them can never be full-measured except when beyond proper measure. How can we mend this? We must have patience, and do, as nearly as we can, all that is required to correspond with it. God requires only certain days, certain hours, and his presence is quite content that we also be present with fathers and mothers: but these are more exacting. They require many more days and hours, and an undivided presence. Ah! God is so good that, condescending to this, he reckons the accommodation of our will to our mother's as accommodation to his, provided his good pleasure is the principal end of our actions.

Well, then, you have Moses and the prophets; that is, so many excellent servants of God: hear them. And as for me, I do wrong to occupy you so long, bat I have a little pleasure in speaking with a pure and chaste soul, and one against which there is no com-

L %

• 48 St. Francis de Sales.

plaint, except for the excess of devotion; a rare complaint, so rare and admirable that I cannot help loving and honouring her who is accused of it, or being for ever, Madame, yours, &c.