Letter 34. To Doña Maria de Mendoza Valladolid, Convent of the Incarnation, Avila, March 7, 1572

The Saint's illness. Poverty and improvement of the Incarnation community. Concerning an unsuitable postulant recommended by DoFia Maria.

JESUS! May the grace of the Holy Spirit be with you ! Amen.

I HAVE often thought of you during this bad weather and dreaded lest it might injure your health, as I fear it must have done. Thank God, there will be no changes in the weather in eternity! May His Majesty enable us so to bear the weather here as to enjoy such a blessing hereafter ! From the way in which this climate tries me, no one would suppose that I had been born here. I do not think I have been well for six weeks altogether, and that was when I first arrived, as God saw that otherwise I could not have set things in order. Now He does everything Himself. I am good for nothing but to take care of myself, especially during the last three weeks when a pain in the side and quinsy have been added to the quartan ague. One of these diseases alone would have sufficed to kill me, had it been the will of God, but He does not seem inclined to let them bring me so great a blessing. After having been bled three times I got better; the quartan ague left me, but as the fever has not gone I shall take an aperient to-morrow. I am vexed at seeing myself so good for nothing, as except to go to Mass, I never leave my little corner, nor can I. A pain in the jaw has increased my sufferings for the last six weeks.

I tell you of all these troubles lest you should blame me for not writing, and to show what favours God bestows on me, while always granting whatever I ask of Him. When I first arrived, it seemed to me impossible to carry out so great a work on account of my wretched health and feeble constitution, for besides the ordinary business connedled with our houses there are other matters which, by themselves, would be enough to exhaust my strength. So you see we can do all things in God, as St. Paul says. He gives me little health, yet I

' Omnia possum in eo qui me confortat. Phil, iv, 13.

am able to fulfil all my duties — indeed, I laugh at myself about it sometimes. Then He leaves me without a confessor' and so isolated that I cannot find relief by consulting any one, but am obliged to a¿t with the greatest circumsped:ion.

As for my bodily needs, there has been no lack of kindness and care; the townspeople have shown me the greatest charity, so that I get nothing but my bread from the convent and should prefer not to have even that. We have almost exhausted the alms given by Doña Magdalena.' With that, and the help from you and several other persons, we have been able to give a meal to the poorest of the nuns.

Seeing how peaceful and good these sisters really are, it pains me to witness their suiferings. We ought to thank our Lord for the change He has brought about in them. Those who were most bitterly opposed to me are now the most contented and friendly. During this Lent no visitors, either men or women, are allowed, even though they may be the nuns' parents, which is something quite new to this house. The nuns submit to everything in perfedl peace. In fadt, there are some devout servants of God here, and nearly every one is making progress. It is my Prioress who works these wonders. It was to make this clear that God

'St. John oí the Cross was not appointed confessor until April or May, 1572.

ordained my being in such a state as to appear to hate penance and to care for nothing but self-indulgence. Now, lest I should lack some kind ot suffering, the Prioress of your convent writes announcing that you wish a certain person to be received as a nun, adding that she has heard that you are displeased because I obje(fled to admit the candidate. The Prioress asks me for permission to accept her, and another person sent by Father Ripalda. I think the report must be incorre¿t: I should be pained if it were true. You have the right to remonstrate with me and to command me, and I cannot believe that you would not tell me if you were annoyed with me, unless you wished other people to think you were vexed in order to free yourself from them. If this were the case, it would be a great relief to me as I know how to deal with the Fathers of the Society, who would never receive any one unfit for their Order for the sake of obliging me. However, if your Ladyship absolutely insists, there is no more to be said for you certainly have the right of command in all matters concerning this convent, and I am bound to submit. In that case I should send for permission to the Father- Visitor or the Father-General, as our Constitutions forbid our taking any one with the defe¿t from which this person suffers. I have no power to give this leave: the dispensation must be obtained from one of these be the absence of peace and concord. I entreat you, therefore, to be as kind to them in this as you are in every other way. Leave the matter to me if you prefer it and, as I say, I will settle the matter amicably with the Fathers of the Society. However, if you insist, your will must be done as I said, and the responsibility will be yours if anything goes wrong.

Father Ripalda's candidate does not seem to me unsuited to some other convent, but your house is only just established and we must be careful not to tarnish its lustre. May God direól it all for His glory and give you light to decide for the best, and may He preserve you to us for many years as I ask of Him, for bad as I am, I do not forget to do this.

I kiss the hands of my señora the Duchess, also of my señora Doña Beatriz, the Countess, and Doña Leonor.

Write and let me know, or rather, command me as you decide. I think that by leaving the matter to your conscience I shall clear my own, which I consider no small sacrifice on my part, for in all houses there is no nun with such a defeól nor would I receive such a person on any account, for it would probably prove a constant mortification to the others who, as they are very often together, would always be feeling pity for her. The good Magdalene they have there already is

enough: would to God these other two were Hke her! To-day is March 7.

Your unworthy servant and subjecft,

Teresa de Jesus, Carmehte.

The Mother Subprioress' kisses your hand. We agree very well together.

Testimony is borne to the wonderful work done by St. Teresa at the Incarnation by the following quotation from a letter written by Fray Pedro Hernandex to the Duchess of Alba who had asked him to send the saint to settle some dijiculties in the convent at Alba.

. . . The convent of the Incarnation contains a hundred and thirty nuns. Their life there is as peaceful and as holy as that of the ten or twelve Discalced nuns at Alba, which affords me the greatest wonder and consolation. This results solely from the presence of the Mother, and were she absent for a single day, their former want of restriction is so old-established and their present good order so newly rooted, having been instituted only a year, that were the restraint and respect inspired by her sway removed, they would return to their former state, the foundations being as yet but weak. This is so evident that all who have at heart the welfare of the community realise it, as does the Mother herself. In fact, she declares that, rather than leave the house now, she would forfeit the existence of two or more convents of Discalced nuns, for she hopes that her presence here will establish and strengthen good observance for the future. Besides this, the Mother entered in the face of such opposition and disturbance, and it has cost her so much to pacify the nuns (whom I have penanced), that now that she is making progress and her work is in flower but the seed has not been gathered, it would cause great inconvenience and scruple to remove her.

I am sure that now your Ladyship knows the facts of the case, you will bid me make no change whatever and that if you had the papal licence you would not make use of it. The Discalced nuns will only have discomfort in their house and need of help in temporal matters, while the nuns of the Incarnation would remain without foundation or peace in their spiritual life, for if they lost the present opportunity there would be no hope for the future, and all that is possible should be done to assure the good order and perseverance of the community. . . . I shall send some Discalced friars to the house : not that I want it to become a Discalced convent, but that it may be governed in accordance with its own laws, for if the sisters obey these they will become saints. . . . {Documentos escogidos del Archivo de la Casa de Alba. p. 455)

In spite of this letter St. Teresa must have gone to Alba for a short time, as on the eighth of the following February she signed and certified as authentic a copy of 'The Way of perfection '. {(Etwres Hi, 256).