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Exclamation XVI

  1. O my God, my infinite Wisdom, without measure and without bounds, above the understanding either of angels or men; Love, Who dost loVe me more than I can love myself, or can conceive: why do I wish for more than Thou dost will to give me? Why weary myself by praying for what I desire to Thee, Who knowest what would be the result of all my thoughts imagine or my heart craves for, while I am ignorant of what would profit me? i

5 I Cor. vi. 17:, Qui adhcsret Deo, unus spiritus est. " "

. i.Milner, etc., Excl. XVII. ,

EXCLAMATIONS. I07

  1. Perhaps what my soul fancies would be its gain might be its ruin. If I ask Thee to free me from a cross by which Thou seekest to mortify me, what do I ask Thee, my God?

  2. If I entreat Thee to send me such a trial, perhaps it may be beyond my patience which is too weak to bear so heavy a burden; or, were I to endure it, but were wanting in humility, I might fancy I had performed some great deed, while Thou, my God, didst do it all. When I seek for greater sufferings, I do not wish for what might injure my good name which seems requisite for serving Thee, although I believe that I care nothing for my honour; yet perhaps the very means I think would hinder me might further my one desire of labouring for Thee. I could say far more, O Lord, to show how little I know myself, but as Thou surely knowest this, why do I speak of it?

  3. In order that, when misery again overwhelms me, my God, and reason is blinded, I may find it written here. Often, my God, when I feel most wretched, weak, and cowardly, do I try to recall her, who called herself Thy servant, who thought the grace she had received from Thee would suffice to arm her against all the tempests of this world. 2

  4. No, my God, no! Let me no longer trust to my own wishes: will for me as Thou art pleased to will,

2 Life, ch, XXV. 23, 24. Castle, M. vi. ch. i. 21. for this is my will, since all my good consists in pleasing Thee. If Thou, my God, shouldst will to please me by satisfying my longings I see that I should be lost. How vain is man's wisdom! How dangerous are his plans! May Thy providence supply my need that I may serve Thee according to Thy will, not mine!

  1. Punish me not by granting prayers or wishes at variance with Thy love, which I desire may ever dwell within me. Make me die to self; let Another, greater and better for me than myself, live in me, that I may serve Him; let Him live and give me life:1 let Him reign that I may be His slave, — my soul seeks no other liberty, for how can he be free who is separated from the most High? What more abject or miserable serf than the soul which has broken loose from the hands of its Creator?

  2. Happy the souls imprisoned by the fetters and chains of God's gifts and mercy, and too strongly bound and helpless to free themselves. " Love is strong as death and hard as hell." *

  3. Oh, that we were but slain by this love, and plunged in this divine hell, from whence, ah, from whence there is no hope of escape, or rather, no fear of being cast forth. But woe is me. Lord! during this mortal life we live in constant danger of losing the life that is eternal.

3 Gal. ii. 20: Vivo autem jam non ego, vivit vero in me Christus. * Cant. viii. 6: Quia fortis est ut mors dilectio, dura sicut infernus cemulatio.

EXCLAMATIONS. IO9I

  1. O life, enemy of my joy, would that it were lawful to put an end to thee! I endure thee, since God endures thee: I sustain thee, for thou art His; do not betray nor harm me in return. And yet, Lord, " Woe is me that my sojourning is prolonged." ^ All time is short in exchange for Thine eternity, yet how long a day, or even an hour appears, laden with the risk and dread of oñending Thee!

  2. Free-will! enslaved by thy liberty, unless established in the fear and love of thy Creator, when will that blessed day arrive in which, absorbed in the infinite ocean of supreme Truth, thou wilt no longer possess the power nor wish to sin, being freed from all misery, and united to the life of thy God?

  3. God is happy, for He knows, loves, and rejoices in Himself, without the possibility of doing otherwise. He is not, nor can He be, at liberty to forget or cease to love Himself, nor would such power be a perfection in Him. Thou wilt enter into thy rest, my soul, when thou dost enter into closest intimacy with this Sovereign Good, when thou knowest what He knows, lovest what He loves, joying in what rejoices Him.

12 . Then thou wilt lose the fickleness of thy will; then, ah then, wilt thou change no more for the grace of God will have been powerful enough to render thee SO perfect a " partaker of His divine nature "2 that thou wilt no longer have the power nor wish to forget the supreme Good, nor to cease to exult in Him and in His love. Blessed are those whose names are written in the book of life.'' But, my soul, if thou art among their number, " Why art thou sad, and why dost thou trouble me? " »

  1. " Hope in the Lord, because I will yet confess to Him " ® my sins and His mercies: of which I will make a song of praise, mingled with incessant sighs to Him, my Saviour and my God. It may be that a day will come when " my glory shall sing to Him " ^^ and my conscience be no more " troubled," where all weeping and fears shall be no more. Meanwhile, " in hope and silence shall my strength be." Rather would I live and die in the hope of eternal life than possess all created beings and riches, for they must all pass away. Forsake me not, O Lord, for " in Thee do I trust, let not my hope be confounded! " ^^ May I always serve Thee faithfully — then dispose of me as Thou wilt!

2 Pet. i. 4: DivincB consortes natures. ' St. Luke X. 20: Gaudete autem quod nomina vestra scripta sunt in ccelis.

Footnotes

  1. Ps. cxix, 5: Heu mihi, quia incolatus meus prolongatus est. ↩

  2. Ps. xli. 12: Spera in Deo qiioniam adhuc confitebor illi. -^" Ps. xxix. 13: Ut cantet tihi gloria mea. ■'^ Is. xxx. 15: l7i silentio et in spe erit fortitudo vestra. *2 Ps, xxx. 2: In te Domine speravi, non confundar in ceternum. ↩

Chapter 16 of 16