Of Another Chief Reason Making It Highly Befitting that Our Talks and Conversations with Our Neighbors Should Be about God

NOT only for the edification and advancement of our neighbor is it necessary that our talks and conversations should be of God, but for our own advancement and preservation also, that by such speaking of God we may kindle and inflame our hearts with His love. Such is the proper effect of the like conversations, as we see in those two disciples that on the way to the castle of Emmaus were speaking of these things. Was not our heart on fire and burning? (Luke xxiv. 32). And it is our own experience sometimes that we come forth from some of these convergations more moved and devout than from sermons. Surius relates of St. Thomas Aquinas that his talks and conversations with all were of holy things, and things profitable for the salvation of souls, and that was one of the reasons why, after speaking and dealing with men, he could readily recollect himself for prayer and meditation on divine things, because, as his conversations were on the things of God and his words were spoken with consideration, they did not distract or hinder him from prayer.

Of our Father Francis Xavier, one of the things most worthy of admiration related in his Life is the way he contrived to unite business and the seeing of many people with prayer. Applying himself as he did to many things, and being taken up with important affairs, and traveling continually by land and by sea among so many labors and dangers, and being so polite and courteous in his intercourse with all, nevertheless he ever led an interior life in the presence of God, and so, holding himself aloof from business and intercourse with his neighbor, he entered very easily and readily straightway into meditation and familiar dealing with his heavenly Spouse. And there is the explanation—that, as the occupation had not distracted him, it was easy for him to return to what he had never left. Contrariwise, if our dealings and words and conversations are not of God, we run much risk. Our blessed Father Ignatius used to say that, as familiar dealings and conversation with our neighbor are of much fruit and edification to him and very proper to the Society if it be done as it ought, so on the other hand, if we do not know how to converse as we ought, it will be very disedifying to him and very dangerous to ourselves. St. Bernard says: “Idle words easily defile the heart, and when we enjoy hearing and speaking of a thing, we are very near to doing it.”

It is true that sometimes in talks and conversations with our neighbor it is necessary to go in at his door; but, as our Father says, that must only be to come out by our own. They should not carry us away so that we should go in by their door and come out by the same; but we must come out always by our own, drawing them to us and to God by profitable and edifying conversation. And for this there is no need to observe ever so many points and ever so many circumstances and conjunctures. If you are so particular about that, you will never come out by your own door, and they will remain by theirs. Let all understand that we are religious, and that this is our business, and that in dealing with us they must not waste time nor talk of useless things, but that we must speak of God and of things profitable to salvation. If they do not want that, let them not come to talk to us. And so we read of our Father that, if he received a visit from any idle man with whom he was likely to waste much time and do no good, after having given him a pleasant reception once or twice, if he continued his visits without profit, our Father would begin to speak to him about death, judgment, and hell; for, he said, if the man had no liking for such conversation, he would get tired and not return any more; while if he had a liking for them, he would gather some spiritual fruit for his soul.

St. Augustine in confirmation of this says: It is true we must endeavor to accommodate ourselves to all in order to gain all, as did St. Paul—J became all things to all (I Cor. ix. 22), I became sorrowful with the sorrowful—because it is a great comfort to one in sorrow to see that another is sorrowful too and feels his distress, while we show joy with one in joy; but this accommodating of ourselves to our neighbor and putting ourselves in his place must be done in such a way as to alleviate his distress and raise and draw him out of his misery without ourselves’ falling into the like misery: sic tamen ut ad auxilium, non ad aequalitatem miseriae valeat. And he illustrates this by a good comparison. As one wishing to lend a hand to another that has fallen, to get him up again, is careful not to throw himself on the ground nor let himself fall as the other is fallen, but plants his foot and stands firm that the other may not drag him down, stooping just a little so far as is necessary to help him; so in this way we must accommodate ourselves to seculars and make ourselves one of their set, lowering ourselves and showing that we too are human in some little way, going in at their door to win them over; at the same time always standing fast and resting well on our supports that they may not drag us over, but we may come off with our own.

And let us persuade ourselves of this truth, that one of the things that particularly edifies those with whom we come in contact is to see that our conversation is always of good and profitable things; and though some at the beginning apparently have no taste for that, afterwards on reflection they are edified and have a better opinion and esteem of us, for after all they acknowledge that that is the main thing in life. On the other hand, if they see that we go in and come out with them in their worldly conversations and that we have the same tastes in those matters as they have, possibly they may take us for friends as they would take any other man of the world, but not for spiritual men, and so will be lost our authority and influence for doing any good in their souls. Let it be our aim, then, in this matter to hold up the good name of our order and the example of our fathers of old. Of our Father Francis Borgia we read that, if he received a visit from secular persons from whom he could make no bodily escape, and they brought in topics of conversation not to the point, he paid no attention to their talk, but kept his heart and spirit fixed on God. Some fathers admonished him that he made mistakes in this way and sometimes said things that had nothing to do with the matter on hand. He replied that he had rather be taken for a silly man than lose his time, since he counted all the time lost that was not employed in God and for God. This is in accordance with what Cassian recounts of the Abbot Machetus, who by long prayers had obtained of our Lord this favor, that in spiritual conversations and conferences at any hour of the day or night he never slept; but if any idle and useless topic were brought in, off he went to sleep immediately.

Let us conclude with a general recommendation that St. Bernard gave to a religious: “Let him so behave in all things as to edify those who see him, so that none that sees or hears him can doubt but that he is a monk indeed.” Which is what the Apostle says, writing to his disciple Titus: In all things show thyself a pattern of good works, in doctrine, in integrity, in gravity, a sound word beyond reproach, that any adversary may be confounded, finding nothing evil to say of us (Tit. ii. 7-8).

Let us endeavor to give good example and edification all round, that not our friends alone may have something on which to dwell with satisfaction, but those who are jealous of us may be confounded and ashamed, seeing they find nothing to say against us or lay hold of to censure.

It is related of a philosopher that, when someone told him they were telling stories about him to take away his character, he answered: “TI will live in such a way that no one shall believe people who tell stories to my discredit.” That is how we should live, taking care not only to let nothing appear in our words and actions worthy of reprehension, but that our life and behavior shall be such as to take away all credit from any who may calumniate us. That is the best way to meet these story-tellers, to be silent with our mouth, and answer by our deeds.

awit ELEVENTH TREATISE