That a Religious Should Also Avoid, as Far as Possible, Being Visited by His Relations and Any Communication with Them by Letter

GOOD religious, who heartily desires to serve God and occupy himself with his spiritual progress and the end for which he came into religion, must not only shun these visits to relations and returns to his native place, even on an excuse, but must try to avoid as far as he can all manner of intercourse with his kinsmen. Not content with himself not going to visit them, he must further try not to be visited by them. St. Ephrem says that we must use all persuasion with our relations not to visit us, except at most once or twice a year; and he adds: “But if you can altogether cut off their useless conversation, you will do better.”” With good reason does he call it “useless,” and our Father in his Constitutions applies the same term, for useless it is; and not only without profit, but very harmful, as we have said. And that we may understand how pleasing to God is this austere detachment and keeping out of the way of our relations and avoiding their visits, the Lord has been pleased to show and confirm the same by miracles.

In the “Spiritual Meadow” there is a story of a holy monk named Cyriacus, who on one occasion when his parents and relations had come to see him and were calling out at the door of his cell, knowing thereby the folk that were there and what they had come for, first made prayer to our Lord, begging Him to deliver him from them and arrange things so that they should not see him. Having made this prayer, he opened his door and came out of his cell, without any of those people seeing him, nor getting to see that anyone had gone out. So he got clear off, making his way to the interior of the desert, and would not come back until he was quite sure that they had gone. Of the holy Abbot Pacomius, Surius relates how a sister of his came to see him, but he would not go out to see her, nor let her see him, but sent her a message by the porter: “You have heard that I am alive and well; go in peace.” And the answer did her much good, as in the case of the mother of Theodore, for she settled down in a monastery of nuns that was near there and became a religious.

A good religious should contrive to excuse himself, not only from visits, but also from communication by letters, so far as he can, for this also is a source of disturbance and agitation of mind. As by not visiting them you deliver yourself from many visits, so by not writing to them you deliver yourself from many letters of theirs. That holy man (A Kempis) very well says: “If you know how to let men alone, they will let you alone to go about your own business.”’ All depends on what you want; if you want, you will find means for everything that you do want. We have already left our native place, our home and kindred, for God. Let us complete the step by abandoning them altogether; so we shall be free and disengaged to remember God the more and love and serve Him the more.

Cassian tells of a holy monk, very much given to prayer and contemplation and very careful to preserve that purity and cleanness of heart which such exercises require. He had lived fifteen years in the desert, when at the end of that time they brought him a great packet of letters from his native place, which was in the Province of Pontus, from his parents, relations, and friends. He took his packet, and set himself to thinking and turning over in his mind: If I read these letters, what a multitude of thoughts will they raise in me! What various waves of emotion will rise thereupon in my heart—of vain joy if I find that my relations are doing well, or useless and unprofitable sadness if I find them in bad luck! For how many days will the memory of those who have written to me be forcing itself on my mind, and rob me of the repose and tranquillity of my prayer and contemplation! For how many days will there be represented and set before me the outlines and features of their faces, and the remarks they will make to me, and the things they will write to me! When shall I finally forget and rase from my memory these images! What a labor it will be to return to the state of tranquillity and forgetfulness of worldly things I now enjoy! What will it profit me to have left my relations in body if in heart and memory I return to them and converse and amuse myself with them! So saying, and turning these things over in his heart, he takes the packet of letters just as they had come and flings it into the fire, saying: “Away with you, ye thoughts of flesh and blood, and burn ye all along with these letters, that ye may not make me return to that which I have left.” Not only would he not read any letters, but he would not even open them or see the names and signatures of the writers, or even look at the addresses to recognize the hand, that they might not bring back upon him the memory of the writers nor hinder the tranquillity and peace of his heart. We read a similar example of our blessed Father Ignatius. A very good lesson for those who are not satisfied with one reading of their letters, but keep them carefully put away to read them again and again, and lick their lips and enjoy the taste of them, refreshing the memory of their kindred. Now that you have not burned them before reading them, why do you not burn them as soon as read, and with them get rid of all thoughts of flesh and blood, that they may not trouble you more?