Of Other Evils and Losses Caused by Affection for Kindred, and How Christ Our Redeemer Taught Us to Keep Out of Their Way

THE blessed St. Basil says that this natural affection and tenderness for kindred is apt at times to bring a religious into a situation in which he comes to commit sacrilege, by stealing from his order to succor his relations. And though the man does not take from one’s order to give to his family, he takes from what devout people had to give to the order; and from here and from there, from penitents and friends, he goes looking for something to give to his relations; and that sometimes turns to the prejudice of his ministries because he cannot use such liberty * Histoire de S. Francois de Borgia par P. Suau S.J. ch. vii., pp. 477-500, Relation de Famille.

in dealing with those whose help he needs and to whom in this way he stands indebted. In other ways there is some scruple of conscience about the vow of poverty, whether they give me the gift for myself, or whether they give it me for somebody else; and again, whether I give the gift or somebody else gives it on his own account. Add to this, this affection for kindred blinds a man’s eyes to such an extent that he takes no heed of these particulars, thinking that lawful which sometimes is unlawful, and thinking that not against the vow of poverty which really is so. And though you do not come to steal anything else from your order, yet in the time that you waste on the business of your family there is theft and fraud enough, since, as St. Basil says, you are not your own, but belong to your order, to which you have offered as well your person as all your works and labors. For this reason your order has care, not of your soul alone, but also of your body, giving you all that it requires; yet here you are receiving your sustenance from your order and at the same time busying yourself in the service of your kinsfolk. All this is stealing on your part, besides the disedification you give to those who see you so attached and tied down to your kith and kin.

Not without great reason did Christ our Redeemer say: If any man cometh to me, and hateth not his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yea and his own soul, he cannot be my disciple (Luke xiv. 26). Hereupon St. Gregory well observes that in the same way in which He commands us to hate ourselves, He commands us also to hate our parents and relations. As you have to conceive a holy hatred against yourself, mortifying and denying yourself in all that the flesh asks against the spirit and against reason and not giving in thereto, because that is the greatest enemy that you have; so also you have to conceive a holy hatred against your parents and relations, not giving in to them, but denying them in all that may be an obstacle to your salvation and to your spiritual advancement and perfection, because they are a part of yourself and likewise your enemies. And a man’s enemies are the people of his own house (Mich. vii. 6; Matt. x. 36).

It is related in the chronicles of St. Francis how a man said to holy Brother Giles that in any case he was determined to be a religious. The servant of God answered him: “If you are determined to do that, go first and kill all your relations.” The man begged him with tears not to oblige him to commit such sins. Brother Giles answered: “How come you to be so lacking in understanding? I did not bid you to kill them with a material sword, but with the sword of the spirit; for according to the word of the Lord he that hateth not his father and mother and relations cannot be His disciple.” It is worthy of consideration how many times over our Savior repeats this doctrine in His holy Gospel. St. Basil notes this, and quotes these two instances. The first is that of the young man who wished to follow Christ, but begged Him to allow him to go first and dispose of his estate and inheritance, to whom Christ replied: No man putting his hand to the plough and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God (Luke ix. 62). It is looking back when, having begun to put your hand to the plough of the evangelical counsels, you turn back to implicate yourself in the business of the world which you have left. Dread the sentence of Christ, that this means being unfit for the kingdom of God. The second instance is that of the other young man who also wished to follow Christ, but begged leave to go and bury his father, such a proper thing to do and a thing that could be done in a short time; and He gave him not leave, but replied: Let the dead bury their dead (Luke ix. 60). The phylactery observes: “If he was not allowed even to bury his father, woe to them who, after making profession of monastic life; return to secular business.”

And Christ was not satisfied with warning us in word and by the examples of other people, but by His own example He would commend to us this avoidance of kindred, as is seen in many passages of the Gospel, even to the length of outwardly seeming to show rigor and severity to His most holy Mother, as in the apparent rebuff which He gave her when she had found Him in the Temple: How is it that ye sought me? did you not know that I must be found at the business of my Father? (Luke ii. 49). And at the wedding, when the wine ran short: What business is it of ours to look to that? (Johnii. 4). This to teach us, says St. Bernard, the way to deal with our relations when they seek to distract us from the end and aim of our profession; we are to put them off, saying: “It behooves us to attend to the business of God and our salvation.” And to that other who said: Master, bid my brother share the inheritance with me: He answered dryly: Man, who hath appointed me judge to divide between you? (Luke xii. 14), thereby to teach us that we ought to keep out of the like businesses, which are not consistent with our profession.