Letter 51. To a friend, on the management of a household

I consider that it is by God’s special Providence that it has fallen to your lot to have to bear with the person about whom you wrote to me. You have long known that you would have to suffer a great deal in every way, both great and small; and how else could this be accomplished? Besides, how is it possible to learn patience, mortification and humility, except in trials of a kind such as come from this person, and from other members of your household? For although you may have made plenty of good resolutions to bear with others and mortify yourself, unless some one puts them to the test, they are dreams rather than realities. Valour must be shown in battle, or else it is but idle boasting. This seems to be the case with you, for when anything of the sort happens you are disturbed, and behave as badly as the person you are correcting. Patience must be kept at all times, and nothing is to be gained by avoiding the occasions of practising it. Your outward behaviour may be correct when you have nothing to try you, but if the root of the evil j? within you, appearance? are pf np value, God brings you in contact with people of the kind you mention, so that you may master or control your great impetuosity. Be like that youth who, when he was insulted by an old man of Athens, laughed, saying that he was giving him for nothing what he had been obliged to pay other men dearly to offer him . 1 Meditate constantly on the insults our Saviour met with, until you are able to rejoice at receiving the same treatment: consider yourself fortunate when you meet with it, as it enables you to please our Lord. St. Elizabeth, the daughter of the King of Hungary, was deeplywronged by a large number of people, and she prayed for them with many tears, begging our Lord to bestow some grace on them in return for each injury they had done her. Christ answered her that no petition had ever been so acceptable to Him, and that He pardoned all her sins in return for it. It is difficult for a man to conquer himself, and especially in his inclinations. It is no small thing in God’s eyes to bear being despised by our dependents.¹

tetter XU £7 Thife happened to Job, whose servant Would heither come, nor pay heed to his master when called by him. Our Redeemer was betrayed by His disciple, and received death and dishonour at the hands of those who should have served Him. St. Augustine says: “Do not think that the wicked live in vain, for God keeps them here and suffers them patiently, either that they maybe converted, or that they, may exercise the virtues of good men.” There would have been no Abel, without Cain’s malice, nor Would there have been martyrs, if there had been no cruel executioners: chastity is not proved unless it is assaulted, nor patience without ill-treatment. Therefore receive this trial from the hand of God as a very special favour: thank Him for it, and make such good use of it, that, with holy Job who said he would not be without it, you may say: “I was the brother of dragons, and the companion of ostriches.” (Job XXX. 29.) You will see more clearly how far you have advanced in holiriess by the manner in which you bear this trial than you could possibly do while enjoying the sweetness of consolations, or even while suffering illness. For such annoyances as you meet with are so very hard to endure, that God is much pleased to find we love Him well enough to bear them well for His sake. This must be the object of all your efforts. When you have to inflict any punishment, beware of doing so While ybu feel angry; let the matter rest for thb time being, and afterwards, from a 'motive of charity, correct the offender. Use persuasion rather than reproof, for it is a far more efficacious way of benefiting any one, and this should be our aim in dealing with the faulty, rather than to obtain personal satifaction for the injury or insult offered to ourselves. Learn to feign, sometimes, not to see things. Although you may think that discipline is then kept more slackly than is well, yet overlook the offence, for sometimes it is from a secret motive of pride or anger that we are anxious that our servants should behave as they ought towards us. The heart of man is deep, and often deceives itself! Therefore we should always prefer to mortify ourselves, and exercise ourselves by putting up with one offence and then with another, until at last, as I have said, when annoyances come, we are actually glad of them and receive them as a boon.

Therefore it will often be best to take no notice of offences. As one of my companions, who also possesses a very hasty temper, is accustomed to say: “Behave as if you were deaf and dumb. If you are forced to find fault with any one, do so gently. Say: ‘You know that I desire your good : it pains me to to see that you are not what I could wish, nor what Our Lord would have you. I am more grieved on this account, than at the faults you have committed against me.’ Thus, be gentle in your correction, £.nd if this is not sufficient, it would be better to inflict some punishment such as fasting, or something else of the kind, than to strike the offender with a stick, or with your hand. If he is incorrigible, you must keep your temper and have him thrashed, and in the meantime, you must pray constantly for him, for nothing can be done without that . 1 Unless you understand that to have servants is to have as many masters, and that you must suffer from them, and pray for them, you know nothing of your duty in the matter, nor do you imitate our Lord, and the way He treated His disciples. How kind, and loving, and long-suffering He was with them! He prayed for them, and died for them! This is how the superior must behave to his inferiors. Christ showed us this when He washed the Apostles’ feet and said: “ I have given you an example.” In short, behave towards your household more like a father and a loving father, than with the strictness of a master. Be most gentle, and patient, and prayerful, and if you show any severity, let it be very slight.²

letter rut to A FRIEND, ON TEPIDITY.

Footnotes

1. This talc it to be found in the “ Lives of the Fathers of the Desert ” where it it told by Saint John the Dwarf. A philosopher, whose disciple had offended him, condemned the culprit to carry other people's burdens for three years, and then, for the same period, to pay men to insult and annoy him. At the end of that time, the philosopher bade his pupil enter the city of Athens to learn wisdom. At the gate sat a wise old man, whose custom it was, out of a desire to learn their dispositions to insult those who entered. Our youth laughed at his rudeness, and upon the elder inquiring the reason, replied: “No wonder, for you have given me gratis what I have had to buy dearly for three years. ” Upon this the old man exclaimed : “ Enter the city, for you are worthy of it . 99 ^Sec Rosweyde's Vita Patrum, Liber III . 84). ↩

2. St. Teresa tells us that slavery still existed in Spain, although her father would not allow it in his household. The culprit spoken of in this letter was probably a slave, which accounts for the severity of the corporal punishment that might be necessary, and for the fact that his dismissal is not suggested. ↩