Chapter II

(i)

T TAL was extraordinarily miserable the very instant he awoke next morning, and he awoke very early indeed, to find the room already grey with the dawn.

For the moment he did not know whence this misery came; it rushed on him and enveloped him, or, as psychologists would say, surged up from his subconscious self, almost before he was aware of anything else. He lay a minute or two collecting data. Then he perceived that the thing must be settled at once. He had a great deal to review and analyse, and he set about it immediately with that pitilessly strenuous and clear logic that offers itself at such wakeful hours — that logic that, at such times, escapes the control and the criticism of the wider reason.

I suppose that the storm had been gathering for the last year or two — ever since he had been called a " funk " openly and loudly in the middle of football. Of course he had repelled that accusation vehemently, and had, indeed, silenced criticism by his subsequent almost desperate play. A hint of it, however, reappeared a few months later, when, as it had appeared to him, he had avoided a fight with extreme dignity and self-restraint. And now, once again, the problem was presented.

The emotion of which he had been conscious when, after his fall, he had remounted to ride home, was one of a furious hatred against Quentin — not fear, he had told himself repeatedly during the ride and during his silences after dinner, but just hatred. He had even cut Quentin viciously with his whip once or twice to prove that to himself. It was ignominious to be kicked off Quentin. And this hatred had been succeeded by a sense of extreme relief as he dismounted at last and limped into the house. And then a still small voice had haunted him all the evening with the suggestion that he was really afraid of riding Quentin again, and that he was simulating a strain which was quite negligible in order to avoid doing so.

To the settling of this question, then, he arranged his mind. He turned over on to his back, feeling with a pang of pleasure that his left thigh was really stiff, clasped his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes.

The moment he really faced it, in the clear mental light that comes with the dawn, it seemed to him simply absurd ever to have suspected his own courage. Every single reasonable argument was against such a conclusion.

First, he had ridden Quentin for the last three years; he had had fall after fall, one or two of them really dangerous.... Why, he had actually been rolled on by the horse on one occasion when they had both come down together! And he had never before had the slightest hesitation in riding him again.

"What about that jumping?" whispered his inner monitor.

The jumping! Why, that had been absurd, he snapped back furiously. Austin, mounted on old Trumpeter, who had followed the hounds for years, had challenged Val, mounted on Quentin, who never yet had been known to jump anything higher than a sloped hurdle, to follow him over a low post and rails. Val, very properly, had refused; and Austin, on telling the story at dinner, had been rebuked by his father, who said that he ought to have known better than to have suggested such a thing for Quentin. Yes, said Val to himself now; he has been perfectly right.

" Was that the reason why you refused? "

Of course it was. He wasn't going to risk Quentin over nonsense like that.

" Well then; what about that funking at Eton?"

He hadn't funked. He had been hovering on the outside in order to get a run down. Besides, hadn't he been applauded later for his pluck?

" Well then; come down to the present. Are you going to ride this evening?'

He would see, said Val. Certainly he wasn't going to ride if his thigh was really strained. (He felt it gingerly.) What was the fun of that? Certainly he wasn't going to ride simply to show himself that he wasn't afraid. That would be a practical acknowledgment that he was. No, if the others rode, and his thigh was all right, and... and he didn't want to do anything else, of course he would ride just as usual. It was absurd even to think of himself as afraid. The fall yesterday was nothing at all, he had just been kicked off — certainly rather ridiculously — just because he wasn't attending and hadn't been expecting that sudden joyous up-kicking of heels as the horse felt the firm turf under him. Why, if he had been afraid, he would have shown fear then, wouldn't he? He wouldn't have mounted again so quickly, if there had been the slightest touch of funk about the affair.

" You're... you're quite sure? ''

Yes. Perfectly sure.... That was decided again. He would go to sleep. He unclasped his hands and turned over on his side, and instantly the voice began da capo.

" You're... you're quite sure you're not a funk?"...

As the stable clock struck six he got up in despair, threw his legs over the side of the bed, entirely forgetful of the strained thigh (though he remembered it quickly five minutes later), and went to look for " Badminton " on riding. He remembered it was in the bookshelf on the left of the fire-place in the sitting-room. He was going to be entirely dispassionate about it, and just do what " Badminton " advised. That would settle once and for all whether he was a funk or not. If, under circumstances of a strained thigh and a triumphant horse, and... and a faint, though really negligible feeling of apprehension, it said, Ride: he would ride that evening, anyhow, whether the others did or not. If not, not.

As he took down " Badminton," after a glance round the room that looked simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar in this cold morning light, he noticed another book on riding, and took that down too; and half an hour later, perfectly reassured, he put both the books on the table by his bed, and went tranquilly to sleep. He had found that even a slight strain in... in the lower part of the thigh ought not to be neglected, or serious mischief might result. He had dismissed as not in the least applicable to his case a little discussion on the curious fact that a fall, if it takes place slowly enough, and if the rider has plenty of time to consider it, will often produce such nervousness as that a really dangerous swift fall fails to effect. That was only in a footnote, and of course was unimportant.

(n)

It was at breakfast-time that the affairs of the day were arranged — usually towards the end, as by that time the whole party was arrived.

Very subtle laws seemed to govern the order and hour of these arrivals. Lady Beatrice was, as is proper, down first, and she could usually be observed from upper windows, five minutes before the gong sounded, dawdling gracefully on the terrace with her stick. (This was called "giving Jimbo a run," and usually ended in Jimbo's entire disappearance, by stages, in the direction of the stables, each protruding angle of balustrade and step and mounting-block having been carefully smelled en route.) Then she came indoors and made tea in an enormous silver teapot. Five minutes later the General came in, in tweeds, carrying the Westminster Gazette of the night before — tall, thin, hook-nosed, and fresh- faced. He kissed his wife and went to the sideboard, and this morning consulted her about a letter he had just opened, calling, on his return journey, for his tea. About five minutes later the girls appeared, apologising. (I forgot to say that Miss Deverell had been present throughout. She was always present at all engagements punctually, and was always forgotten, except when she suddenly made a small, shrewd, and often cynical remark, that made everyone wonder why they had not attended to her before. She sat on the General's right hand, in black; and he always put her plate back on the sideboard with his own, and asked her whether he could give her any cold bird.)

At a quarter to ten Austin came down, silent and respectable, and slipped into the company unnoticed; he ate swiftly and unhesitatingly, and had finished before the others. Finally Val appeared between ten minutes and five minutes to ten, also silent, but with an air of slight irritability; he fumbled about between the dishes, and usually ate a good deal in the long run.

This morning he was later than usual, but he limped so noticeably that the General, who had glanced up at the clock, which began to strike ten at that moment, spared him and said nothing. Besides, he had something else to say.

"And what about plans for to-day?" said his wife. "Why, Val, are you limping?"

There was a murmur of remarks interrupting Val in his careful explanations, and it became plain that riding after tea would be arranged. It was too hot this morning; this afternoon the girls had promised to do something in the village.

''' Then " began the General.

" I don't think I'll ride to-day, mother," observed Val, eating omelette composedly. " I've strained myself rather badly."

" Is it bad, Val? " said his father.

"What about a doctor?" said his mother.

" No, not bad; but it hurts rather.... No, thanks. There's no need for a doctor, unless —

" Then -

But again the General was interrupted.

" Doctors say it's better to ride again at once," put in May.

' Thanks very much," remarked Val, with an altogether disproportionate bitterness. " But I'd rather not."

The General flapped the table with an open letter. He had reached the limits of his patience.

" Boys," he said, " I've got an invitation for you. And I think you'd better go. You must get your leg well, Val. It's from the Merediths, and it's to go to Switzerland for a fortnight."

Austin looked up.

"When is it for, father?"

" First of September. It'll just fit in before Val goes back to Eton. Eh? "

"Climbing?"

His father nodded.

" That's it. I want you boys to learn. You'll have plenty of time to get your things together."

The girls broke out into exclamatory envy. May determined to talk to her mother afterwards.

" I had an uncle who was killed in Switzerland," said Gertie tranquilly. " He was "

" My dear! " put in May. " Don't say such "

" But I had! He fell two thousand feet."

Val was conscious of a curious sense of relief, in spite of his reassurances to himself in his bedroom. It was scarcely more than a week to the first of September; and it was exceedingly likely that his strained leg would continue strained. Besides, even if it didn't, it would surely be rash to risk straining it again just before going to Switzerland. And when he came back there would be Eton again.

Austin was asking for details, in that dispassionate and uninterested manner which superior young gentlemen of eighteen years think proper to assume.

It appeared that the Riffel was the place; that " the Merediths " meant father and mother and a son; and that the son, aged twenty-two, was already a candidate for the Alpine Club.

Val listened. It seemed to him all very pleasant, and, somehow, appropriate that a new sport should present itself just at the moment when riding had begun to bore him. He had not an idea about climbing beyond what the smoking-room library told him; but he was quite confident, of course, that he would acquit himself creditably. It occurred to him as even possible that he might get level with Austin, towards whom he did not feel very favourably disposed this morning.

His father got up presently.

' You'll see about boots and clothes," he said to his wife. " And I'll write to the Stores about the other things."

" What things, father? Axes and ropes? " asked Val excitedly.

" Well — axes, at any rate."

When Austin came upstairs ten minutes later to get " Badminton," he was, very properly, annoyed to find Val already in the best chair, with the book on his knee. He searched, a little ostentatiously, through the shelves, as if unconscious of this, whistling in the manner that Val found peculiarly annoying, and proceeded further to turn over all the books on the table.

"Looking for anything?" asked Val at last, unable to bear it any longer.

"Yes, 'Badminton.'... Oh! I see you've got it"

" Didn't you see I'd got it as soon as you came in?"

" Well, when you've quite done with it," said Austin in a high voice, ignoring this pointed question, " perhaps I may have it. It happens to be my book."

" It isn't."

" It is."

Val, with an indulgent air, as if humouring a child, turned to the first page, while Austin smiled bitterly. Val's face changed. He stood up abruptly and tossed the book on to the table.

' There's your book," he said, with elaborate sarcasm. " I didn't know it was yours. I beg your pardon for using it."

" Oh! you can keep it till you've done," said Austin, his voice higher than ever. " I only wanted -

" I wouldn't deprive you of it for the world," said Val, his face working with anger. " I'll... I'll go and sit in the smoking-room. I don't want to disturb you."

He strode towards the door. ' Your leg seems better," remarked Austin, outwardly still calm.

Val cast a glance of venom at his brother, and faced about.

" My dear chap," he said, " you'd be howling in bed if you were me."

Austin simulated a genial and indulgent smile with extraordinary success. A sound burst forth from Val's mouth, which must be printed " Psha! " Then the door closed sharply.

It was really a bad day with Val. Boys of sixteen experience them sometimes, especially if their nervous centres are rather overstrung, and in such a state the faintest touch sets all a- jangle. He was so angry that he became completely and finally reassured as to his own courage. It seemed to him extraordinary that he had ever doubted it, and by noon he was almost determined to ride. But he saw this would never do, since it was conceded by all (as the theologians say), including himself, that the single reason for his not riding was his strained leg.

He spent the morning in a completely morbid manner, as his habit was at such times. He took a crutched stick, since his leg required it, and limped, even when he was entirely out of sight of the windows, out through the garden and into the woods. And there he sat down.

It was one of those breathless August days in which summer seems eternal and final. Every single, visible, living thing was at full stretch of its being. Over his head towered giant beeches, a world of greenery, with here and there a tiny patch of sky, blue and hot About him was the bracken, every frond and vessel extended to bursting; beneath him the feathery moss. High up, somewhere in the motionless towers of leaf, meditated a wood-pigeon aloud, interrupting himself (as their manner is) as if startled at the beginning of a sentence. And the essence and significance of all was in the warm summer air — fragrant, translucent, a-sparkle with myriad lives, musical with ten thousand flies, as if a far-off pedal note began to speak.

Val had the vivid imagination which goes with such natures as his — an imagination that never grows weary of rehearsal; and in that realm, lulled externally by the perfect balance of life without him and within, leaning back at last on the bank as on a bed, with his hands clasped behind his head as usual, he began to construct the discomfiture of his brother.

His material, so to speak, consisted of two elements — Austin's superiority, and Switzerland. He had caught on to the idea of climbing, and, as has been said, was convinced (as would be every wholesome boy of his age) that he would presently excel in this. It would be the one thing, he had determined, in which Austin would have to confess himself beaten. (He remembered, for his comfort, that Austin had once refused to follow him — some six years previously — along the ridged wall leading to the stable roof.)

Very well, then; that was settled.

Then he began to construct his scenes.

The earlier ones were almost vindictive. They represented Austin, a tiny figure, gazing up at him, pallid and apprehensive, as he rose swiftly in the air over the lip of an inconceivable precipice; Austin, with shaking hands, being pulled up by a rope, while he, Valentine, stood, detached and unperturbed, watching him from on high; Austin, collapsed and inert with terror, while he himself straddled, a second Napoleon, gazing out for succour from an inaccessible ledge. The final scene of the series was staged in the hotel dining-room, whose occupants rose to their feet and cheered as he, Valentine, with a stern, set face, strode in, with his paraphernalia jingling about him, after the conquest of a hitherto unclimbed peak.

He grew generous at last as he contemplated his future. Austin was no longer to collapse, but simply to remain mediocre, while bearded men, browned with sun and exposure, discussed the brilliant younger brother who had swept all before him. There was a final scene, which for an instant brought tears to his eyes and a lump to his throat, in which an explanation took place between the two: Austin, reverent and humble at last, was to grasp his hand and say that he had never understood or appreciated him; while he, magnanimous and conciliatory, was to remind the other that in lawn tennis, riding, and fencing — all manly sports — Austin was unquestionably the superior. (Gertie Marjoribanks, he settled parenthetically, was to be present at this interview.)

Indeed Val was not a fool. He had a nervous system, it must be remembered, and an imagination; and he was nearly seventeen years old.

He was silent at lunch; but no longer with irritation. It was rather a pregnant and a genial silence, warmed and perfumed by his imaginings. For to those who live largely in the imagination — who create rather than receive — reassurance, as well as apprehensiveness and depression, is always at their command. He had reconstructed his world now, by his earnest endeavours of the morning, and looked even upon Austin with benignity.

His geniality flowed out into words as he limped into the smoking-room afterwards and found Austin knocking the balls about.

" I'll play you fifty up," he said.

Austin nodded.

By the end of the game, which, although Austin won it by a final undeniable fluke, stood at " forty-eight all " before the balls, wandering about, happened to cannon, the two were talking freely again; and it was Switzerland of which they talked.

" Do tell me when you've done with ' Badminton,' " said Val. " By the way, I'm beastly sorry about this morning. I really didn't know it was yours, or I'd have asked you."

" That's all right," murmured Austin, touched in spite of his dignity. '' You can have it all today." Val took his stick, helped himself to a leather couch, and curled upon it.

" Thanks awfully. I really do want to get an idea of the thing. Tom Meredith's a regular pro., I believe.... I say, do you think we shall do the Matterhorn? "

"Matter-Horn! Good Lord, no. Why-

" I don't see why we shouldn't. Why, even ladies do it."

There was a pause, while Austin made a careful stroke with the balls, and missed. He put his cue up.

" I'm going up. I'll bring the book down if you like, if you're lame."

"Right. Thanks awfully."

Tea was under the cedar in the eastern gardens, and about ten minutes past five there was still no Val. Austin shouted once or twice under the windows; and at last the other appeared, reading as he came, and carrying his crutched stick under his arm. He remembered, however, to use it coming down the steps from the house.

Conversation was extremely genial. Val now joined in it, now sat silent and smiling, with brighteyes. His imagination had been vividly inspired by his three hours' reading; and he talked already familiarly of aretes and chimneys and couloirs. May joined in enviously, with loud sighs; she had had her conversation, and it had proved unsatisfactory; the utmost she could get out of her mother was that if the Marjoribanks asked her for next year, and if there was nothing else particular to do, and if it was thought suitable when the time came — well, then perhaps she would be allowed to go. Meanwhile she was to remember that it was only natural that boys could do things that girls couldn't.

Val stood, a little ostentatiously leaning on his stick, with a smiling melancholy to see the riders start. He even laid his stick aside to mount Gertie, who was riding Quentin to-day by her own special request. Then he observed the usual caper ings of the horses as they set their feet on the springy grass on the other side of the drive, and presently saw them vanish one by one over the near sky-line, in a cloud of flying turfs. He noticed how extremely well Gertie sat the cob.

Then he went back again to " Badminton."