38 — THE HIDDEN LIFE

Presence of God. — O Jesus, hidden God, teach me the secret of hiddenness.

Meditation

1 — In His earthly life, Jesus delighted in hiding His divinity under human appearances. Except for some rare exceptions, and especially during the thirty years preceding His apostolate, He never let anything appear of His divinity, wisdom, and infinite omnipotence. Later, in the years of His public life, He willed to adapt Himself to the very imperfect way of living and acting of His Apostles, He who was infinitely superior to them. Jesus is truly the hidden God, and by His example He teaches us the value of the hidden life.

If you want to imitate Jesus’ humility to the very end, you must share in His hidden life, concealing, like Him, all that in you may attract attention and others’ praise, hiding all that can make you singular, that can make you noticed, avoiding, as far as lies in you, every sign of distinction. “Ama nesciri et pro nihilo reputari,” love to live unknown and to be held as nothing (Imit. I, 2, 3), because thus you will be more like Jesus “who, being God, willed to assume the nature of a slave and in all His outward bearing be recognized as an ordinary man” (cf. Phil. 2, 6-7). Jesus Himself taught us the practice of hidden life, insisting that good be done in secret, only to please God, without ostentation. Thus He teaches you to keep in secret your interior life and your relations with Him: “when you wish to pray, enter your room and shut the door”; to hide from others your mortifications and penances: “when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face”; not to put your good works on display: “when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand does,” because those who do “good works before men, to be seen by them... have already received their reward and will not have reward from the heavenly Father” (cf. Mt. 6, 1-18).

2 — “To act for the purest end of pleasing God alone, never wanting... the witness of any human eye,” was the program of St. Teresa Margaret of the Heart of Jesus, the saint of hidden life (Sp. p. 369). Wishing to reserve to God alone the gift of her whole self, she was most jealous in hiding from creatures’ eyes the richness of her interior life, the heroism of her virtues, so that her life was the full realization of the formula “to live alone with God alone.” The soul still seeking creatures’ approval, praise, and esteem, does not live alone with God alone and therefore its interior life cannot be deep, its relations with God cannot be very intimate. This soul still lives on the surface. And thus - preoccupied as it is with exterior appearance, with what others may think or say of it - in acting it can easily deviate from human respect, from desire to draw to itself others’ benevolence and esteem. Therefore in its conduct there will often be lacking simplicity, purity of intention, and perhaps even sincerity. The supernatural in it is still too mixed with the human to dominate its life, and in fact it often acts not to please God, to give Him glory, but to please men, to gain their affection, to win for itself a more or less honorable place.

“When we catch ourselves desiring what shines - said St. Therese of the Child Jesus - let us place ourselves humbly among the imperfect and consider ourselves weak souls whom God must sustain at every instant” (CR.). And for her own part the Saint asked: “O Jesus, grant that no one concern himself with me and that I be forgotten, trodden underfoot like a grain of sand” (St. 8). The soul of interior life wants to be known and loved by God alone and for this it hides itself from creatures.

Colloquy

“O Jesus who said: ‘My kingdom is not of this world,’ You teach me that the only kingship to be envied consists in willing to be unknown and counted for nothing, and in placing one’s glory in contempt of oneself. Oh, how I long that my face, like Yours, be hidden from all glances, so that no one here below may recognize me! You wanted neither beauty nor splendor, but Your Face was as it were hidden and men made no account of it. I too desire to be, like You, without splendor or beauty, unknown to every creature.

“Yes, I must keep all for You with jealous care; how beautiful to work for You alone, O Jesus! for You alone. Then the heart is satisfied and one feels light: may no one think of me, may my existence be by all, so to speak, ignored; I desire only one thing: to be forgotten and counted for nothing. Yes, I desire to be forgotten, and not only by creatures, but also by myself; I would wish to be so reduced to nothing as to have no desire at all. Your glory, O my Jesus, that is all! mine, I abandon to You” (cf. T.B.G. St. 7; NV.; Lt. 84 and 81).

O Lord, to be forgotten by creatures, to work without my work being recognized, to pass in the silence and hiddenness of a humble life in which nothing stands out, nothing is worthy of attention, behold something that mortifies my pride to the very root. Behold, O Lord, an energetic cure for my innate desire to assert myself.

Lord, I confess it, and You already know it, I am far from desiring, as the saints did, the forgetfulness, the disregard of creatures, I who often spontaneously use little devices to be noticed, to put myself on display.

But You know it, my Jesus, that I am sick, and You know that I want to be healed, fashioning my life after the example of Yours. Only to be like You can I accept and love hiddenness, only to merit Your love, Your gaze, Your predilection, can I renounce creatures’ benevolence and esteem. O Jesus, therefore increase my desire to live for You alone and it will be sweet to me to live unknown to men.