27 — EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE

Presence of God. — O Lord, cast upon my soul a ray of Your light, that I may see myself as You Yourself see and judge me.

Meditation

1 — To ensure spiritual life an orderly and progressive development, it is necessary to become aware of one’s own position, that is, of one’s sins, weak points, evil tendencies, as well as of progress made, good results obtained, tendencies toward good. This awareness of one’s interior state is made precisely by means of examination of conscience which, considered thus, constitutes one of the most important exercises of spiritual life, since it has the purpose of helping the soul to eliminate all that can hinder or delay its journey toward God and of urging it to quicken its pace toward Him. As one cannot wage war on an unknown enemy and cannot conquer an unknown region, so one cannot combat evil in ourselves unless first we identify it, and one cannot conquer holiness without having studied the best plan for attaining it. In other words, examination of conscience reaches its purpose when the soul that has applied itself to it can say to itself: these are the tendencies I must watch most carefully so as not to fall into sin, these the weak points that I must strengthen, and on the other hand these are the good tendencies I must cultivate, these the virtues in which I must exercise myself more. In this way the soul will be able to formulate well-defined practical resolutions, which will then become the particular object of its further examinations.

It is clear that first of all there must be well known and combated the tendencies that can lead to mortal sin, but then also those that lead to venial sin or to simple voluntary imperfections. Everything that is voluntary fault must be progressively, but decisively, eliminated by a soul that wants to reach union with God.

2 — In its examinations of conscience, a soul of interior life - supposing it is now free from mortal sin - rather than go seeking all the faults committed, should fix its attention on the degree of voluntariness that is in them, even when they concern simple imperfections, because it is precisely deliberate faults that most hinder spiritual progress and union with God. Of such faults it should carefully seek the cause, the motive, and thus it will often realize that, while its external faults are of various kinds - for example faults against charity, patience, obedience, sincerity - all nevertheless proceed from one single cause; for example from pride or sloth, which is their common root. And it is precisely against these ultimate roots of our sins and imperfections that we must direct our efforts: we must combat them directly not only trying to repel them by mortification, but also developing in ourselves the contrary virtues. It is, in other terms, the struggle against the predominant defect or passion; a most important struggle, because, aiming to destroy evil at its root, it of itself eliminates many present faults.

When then the soul has no longer to reproach itself for properly deliberate sins and imperfections, it must direct its attention to semi-deliberate ones, of which, though having a half-consciousness or confused awareness, it still cannot free itself, despite sincere and repeated resolutions to correct itself. In these cases, besides continuing to combat the roots of its faults, it is very useful to strengthen more and more the resolution to conquer itself, because in proportion as the will is resolved to correct itself, the faults that still escape lose voluntariness and therefore become lighter and lighter; indeed often they are only purely natural residues of contracted habits, but already detested.

Another important point always to keep in mind in examination of conscience is to watch and keep awake the tendency toward holiness, the desire always to do what pleases God more, because this is the spring of spiritual life, of generosity. Likewise an excellent method is to examine ourselves more from God’s point of view than from our own, that is, to ask whether the Lord can be pleased with us and what His judgment will be on our conduct.

Colloquy

“O God of my soul, who am I and what am I? Is there a fault that has not been in my actions or, if not in my actions, in my words, or, if not in my words, in my will? But You, O Lord, are good and merciful is Your right hand.

“O Physician of my soul, reveal to me the fruits of my confession. I confess myself so that confession of my evils... may awaken my heart, that it may not sleep; but even saying this I do not feel myself capable; may it awaken in love of Your mercy and in the sweetness of Your grace, through which every infirm spirit feels itself strong and becomes aware of its weakness.

“I will love You, O Lord, and I will give You thanks and exalt Your name, because You forgave me so many evil deeds. It was the work of Your grace and of Your mercy, if my sins You melted like ice. Work of Your grace is also all the evil I have not done. What sin was there I did not know how to commit, I who loved fault even gratuitously? And I confess that all sins were forgiven me, both those I committed spontaneously and those I did not commit with Your help” (St. Augustine). O my God, who by one single act of Your will created light and light was, repeat over me Your omnipotent creative word: “fiat lux,” and there will be light in my soul; and in Your light I shall be able to see myself as I really am in Your sight. But light is not enough for me, so weak and feeble; I need strength, O Lord; I need a strong and resolute will to detest every form of evil, to detest my selfishness, my pride, my sloth, to renew and strengthen the resolution to conquer myself for love of You. Yes, O Lord, with Your help I want to conquer myself, not for the vain satisfaction of feeling better, but solely to please You, to avoid the smallest thing that displeases You, to grow in Your love, to enter ever more deeply into Your union. O my God, Infinite Perfection, envelop and penetrate my soul with the reflection of Your holiness and as the sun with its ray illuminates, purifies, and makes the earth fruitful, so You enlighten, purify, sanctify my whole being. Teach me to look at myself in You, to know myself in You, to consider my miseries in the reflection of Your infinite perfections, to throw open my soul to the invasion of Your purifying, sanctifying light.