XXIX — THE ACT OF LOVE

Presence of God. — O Lord, grant that I may love You for Yourself and not for my consolation; grant that, loving You, I may always seek your will and not mine.

Meditation

1 — To love is to will good to someone; it is understood, therefore, that the essence of love lies in the act of the will by which one wills good. This does not prevent this act in us from being easily joined to sensible affection, and then love is at once an act of will and of sensibility. Yet it is clear that the substance of true love lies not in the emotion of feeling, but in the act of the will. Charity does not change our way of loving, but penetrates and supernaturalizes it, making the will and sensibility capable of loving God. Yes, even our sensible affection can be engaged in the act of supernatural love. God does not disdain even this humbler and less elevated manifestation of our love for Him, so true is it that He has commanded us to love Him not only with all the mind and all the soul, but also with all the heart. All our powers — intellectual, volitive, affective — are engaged in the act of love; and yet the substance of this act lies not in feeling but in the will. Therefore, when in your love for God you remain cold in sensibility and “feel” nothing, you must not be troubled. You will find less satisfaction in your love this way — because feeling that one loves is much sweeter — but your act of love will still be true and full. Indeed, lacking the support and impulse that come from feeling, you will be forced to apply yourself with greater decision to the act of the will, and this, far from harming, will make your act of love more volitional and more meritorious. Precisely because the substance of love lies in the act of the will that wills good to God, the Lord, to render your love purer and more intense, will often deprive it of every sweetness of feeling. You will no longer feel that you love God — and this will cause you pain — but in reality you will love Him to the extent that you know how decisively to will his will, his good pleasure, his delight above all things. Besides, to feel love is not in your power, whereas it is always in your power to make acts of love with the will, always in your power to will good to God by seeking with all your strength to live for Him and to please Him.

2 — St. John of the Cross specifies: “The will is united to God by its own operation, whose term is love, and not by... feelings, which have in the soul their own term and end” (Ascent III, 46, 2). The operation of the will is the act of love by which we will good to God, by which we conform our will to his. This operation properly terminates in God; it is the true means for uniting us to Him. The feeling of love, on the contrary, being only a subjective impression sometimes produced in sensibility by the act of love, terminates in the soul that experiences it and gives it comfort; but it is clear that of itself it does not help to unite it to God. It is true that the soul can make use of it to give itself to the Lord with greater generosity, and in this case the feeling of love makes the operation of the will more intense. But unfortunately, since we are so inclined to seek our own satisfaction even in the holiest things, it is not difficult for the soul to stop at the sweetness of this feeling; and then it ceases to tend toward God with all its strength. It is therefore very fitting that God make us pass through periods of aridity, thus obliging us to go to Him with the pure operation of the will. Then, says the mystical Doctor, “the soul rests in God alone and, setting everything else aside, loves Him above all” (Ascent III, 45, 3). And he adds: “Very foolish would he be who, seeing himself deprived of spiritual sweetness, should therefore think God is lacking to him; or who, on the contrary, should rejoice believing he possesses God when he experiences spiritual sweetness” (Ascent III, 46, 1). No: true love and union with God do not consist in that, but in the pure operation of the will that seeks God and his will above everything. Therefore, if you truly wish to love God and unite yourself to Him, “hunger only for God’s will” (ibid., 46, 2), that is, seek only his will, always preferring it to yours. This way of loving makes you go completely out of yourself, out of what is deepest in your self, that is, your will, in order to launch yourself wholly into God’s will. And if you think that, to reach perfect union with God, your whole life must be enclosed in his will, you will feel the need to be continually generous in going out of your own will and remaining always in God’s.

Colloquy

“O my God and Lord! How many are those who in You seek only their own consolation, desiring from You only graces and gifts! Instead, those who wish to give You pleasure and offer You something at the price of sacrifices, setting aside their own interest — how very few they are!

“Give me grace, O Lord, to follow You with true love and with a spirit of sacrifice, so that in no way may I seek comfort and pleasure, whether in You or in anything else! I do not want to ask You for rewards, for I clearly see that I have already received many graces. I desire rather that my every thought be directed to pleasing You and serving You for all that You deserve, at the cost of whatever discomfort and suffering. O my Beloved, everything harsh and burdensome I want for myself; everything sweet and delightful, for You” (cf. St. John of the Cross, Dark Night II, 19, 4; PA. 52).

“O Lord, how necessary it is to learn to love You without any self-interest! To walk as one should on the way of love, one must have the one desire of serving You, O crucified God. Therefore, not only do I not want to ask You for consolations, but I do not even desire them, and I beg You not to wish to grant them to me in this life.

“No, my God, love does not consist in spiritual tastes, but in being firmly resolved to please You in all things, in making every effort not to offend You, in praying for the increase of your honor and your glory. Above all it lies in perfect conformity to your will, so as to will myself — and firmly — whatever I know You will, accepting with the same gladness both the sweet and the bitter. O mighty love of God! How true it is that the lover finds nothing impossible!” (cf. T.G.M. IV, 2, 9; 1, 7; Fo. 5, 10; P. 3, 8).