XIII — GENTLENESS

Presence of God. — O Lord, who are sweet and gentle, teach me gentleness of heart, the suavity of manner.

Meditation

1 — Gentleness is the flower of charity; it is a participation in that infinite sweetness with which God guides and governs all things. No one wills our good, our sanctification, with as much force as God, and yet He does not will it with harshness, rigidity, or violence, but with supremely gentle strength, always respecting our freedom, sustaining our efforts, awaiting our adhesion to grace with infinite patience and sweetness. The Gospel thus describes to us Jesus’ gentleness: “He will not dispute nor cry out, and no one will hear his voice in the streets. He will not break the bruised reed and will not quench the smoldering wick” (Mt. 12:19-20). The Pharisees murmur because they see Him eating with publicans and sinners, and He answers: “Go and learn what this means: I will mercy and not sacrifice, for I came not to call the just, but sinners” (Mt. 9:13). The Apostles are ready to call down fire upon the Samaritans who reject the Master, but He rebukes them: “You do not know of what spirit you are; the Son of Man has not come to destroy souls but to save them” (Lk. 9:55-56).

And to those souls who, fighting against their miseries, feel the weight and toil of daily struggle, He says: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you. My yoke is sweet and my burden light” (Mt. 11:28, 30). What makes the Lord’s yoke sweet, what lightens its weight, is precisely his infinite charity, which infuses everywhere a sense of suavity and sweetness.

Fraternal charity must blossom in this spirit of suavity which, instead of exasperating others’ wounds, soothes them; instead of increasing burdens, lightens them; instead of making duty’s fulfillment harder, makes it easier and gentler. Charity has this gentleness with all, even with the obstinate, even with the slow and lazy in corresponding to good, even with the weak who always fall back into the same defects. Even if there were in a heart only a crumb of good, one must surround this crumb with loving care to aid its growth, and therefore one who has learned Jesus’ gentleness “will not quench the smoldering wick.”

2 — In contact with neighbor our charity is sometimes put to hard trial and, before the irritating behavior of certain persons, resolutions of gentleness are quickly swept away by movements of indignation and anger. This should not discourage us, since these are generally spontaneous reactions independent of the will; but it should not authorize us to follow the impulses of passion under pretext that it is too difficult to resist and that we feel dragged despite ourselves. It is always in our hands to react, and we will succeed more easily the more our reaction is prompt, energetic, and gentle at once. St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus taught her novices: “When you feel exasperated toward someone, even to anger, the means of finding peace again is to pray for that person and ask God to reward her because she gives you occasion to suffer.” And she suggested preventing such encounters by seeking to “sweeten the heart beforehand” (Unpublished memories).

Besides, if we answer an angry neighbor with anger, we only increase the fire, whereas we must seek to extinguish anger by opposing to it gentleness and meekness. Gentleness, however, is not condescendence and still less connivance with evil. There are cases in which, as the Gospel teaches, fraternal correction is an imposed duty, and then it is a true act of charity. But for it truly to be such, it must never be done with intent to humiliate, mortify, much less offend the guilty one; it must never be inspired, even indirectly, by personal motives tending to assert one’s own rights, one’s own reasons, to take revenge for some wrong received. In these cases correction, far from being an act of charity, is totally contrary to this virtue, and instead of doing good, it will produce rather the opposite effect. Only a dispassionate and sincere desire for others’ good can render fraternal correction charitable and effective; and this must be done with such goodness that in it the brother feels far more the love we bear him than the humiliation of being reproved. This is precisely how Jesus treated the guilty: all were healed by his love, by his gentleness.

Colloquy

“O Lord Jesus, who, dying on the Cross, had a heart so gentle toward us and loved us so sweetly, while we ourselves were the cause of your death and You thought of nothing but obtaining pardon for your crucifiers, while they cruelly tortured and insulted You, help me, I beg You, to bear with gentleness my neighbor’s imperfections and defects.

“Teach me to repay those who despise me or murmur against me with humility, gentleness, and unchanging goodness of heart, never defending myself in any way. For love of You I want to let each one say whatever he wills, because what counts is not words but love, and whoever loves more will be more loved and glorified. Help me then, my Jesus, to love You and, for love of You, all creatures, particularly those who despise me, without letting myself be disturbed by their contempt, but applying myself to practice humility and gentleness; and then You will be my crown.

“Teach me always to behave with gentleness and suavity, never breaking peace with anyone. What I can do and obtain with love, that I will do; but what I cannot do and obtain without conflict, that I will leave aside. Help me to use aversions and repugnances that I shall encounter in dealing with neighbor to exercise the virtue of gentleness, acting lovingly with every person, even if she were contrary to me or caused me disgust.

“In conclusion, I resolve with your help, O most lovable God, to apply myself to acquiring gentleness of heart toward neighbor, loving him as your creature destined to praise You forever in Paradise. Those whom You bear, O Lord God, it is quite right that I too bear tenderly and with great compassion for their spiritual infirmities” (cf. St. Francis de Sales).