IX — PERSEVERANCE AND TRUST

Presence of God. — O Lord, increase my trust in your help, and grant that in this trust I may always find courage to begin again.

Meditation

1 — What most dismays souls of good will who sincerely want to apply themselves to the spiritual life is precisely finding themselves on the ground so often, despite their repeated and sincere resolutions. When the soul begins the ascent, it is usually full of courage and does not doubt success at all; but it is still inexperienced, it has not yet measured itself against the demands of deeper virtue, nor does it know the battles awaiting it on this road.

And here is the snare: in the clash with new difficulties it falls; it rises and falls again; rises once more and soon finds itself down again, and so on, until at a certain point the most pernicious temptation appears: to give up an enterprise that now seems impossible. How many souls, who had begun fervently to climb the mountain of perfection, discouraged by continual falls, stopped halfway — indeed turned back — precisely because they lacked courage to begin again each day, each moment.

To have this courage, humility is first needed. We must be convinced that, however high our aspirations, we are fallible men like everyone else. Sacred Scripture says that “the just man shall fall seven times and shall rise again” (Prov. 24:16). How then can we pretend not to fall, we who are not just? The true evil lies not so much in falling as in not rising. What distinguishes fervent souls and even saints is not absence of every fault, but prompt rising after each one.

That kind of vexation many souls feel at always seeing themselves down is not fruit of humility but of pride. They are not yet so convinced of their misery as not to be surprised when they experience it; at every moment they still rely too much on themselves, and God, who wants to lead them to the center of their nothingness, lets them fall and fall again. In divine Providence these falls have precisely the function of persuading us of our misery. If we want to adhere to the divine plan, we have only one means: humble ourselves. If instead we become discouraged and abandon the enterprise, we only distance ourselves from that plan, to our great harm.

2 — Some souls justify their discouragement by saying they cannot bear offending God. Good — because the first condition required for holiness is precisely to detest sin and be firmly resolved to avoid it even in its lightest forms and at any cost. Yet distinctions are needed. This is the sincere disposition we must always cultivate; therefore, not tolerating in ourselves the least offense against God means never making peace with defects and faults that still escape us despite good will.

But when, despite our efforts, we have fallen, this disposition does not authorize us to be dismayed to the point of no longer being able to rise. Precisely because we do not want to tolerate in ourselves anything displeasing to the Lord, we will never surrender in struggle, but will resume it with vigor precisely to avoid new falls. In this field, whoever surrenders is already defeated. In fact, if while battling without respite we are still subject to falls, what will happen when we lay down our arms? Better to fight limping and wounded than not to fight at all.

But to have courage to persevere in battle, especially when — whether through our imperfection and fragility, or because God permits it to humble us more — falls are more frequent, we must unite to humility an immense trust in divine help. Having experienced our misery, we truly cannot rise by leaning on our own strength; yet a far more powerful resource remains: trust in God’s aid.

We shall find strength to begin again continually in trust itself: only God can give this strength, and He gives it in proportion to our confidence. The more we trust Him, the stronger we become. The more a soul is convinced that God calls it to holiness, and that its own resources are insufficient to lead it there, the more certain it must be that God Himself will provide the helps needed to answer his call. There is nothing illogical in God: if He wants something from us, He cannot deny the means to attain it. Therefore, if we do not find these means in ourselves, we shall certainly find them in Him, in his all-powerful help.

“He that shall persevere unto the end, he shall be saved” (Mt. 10:22), Jesus said. The one who will persevere unto the end is not he who never falls, but he who after each fall knows how to humble himself and rise, leaning on God’s infinite strength.

Colloquy

“O Jesus, You see it: I am but a very little soul, able to offer You only very small things. Indeed, it often happens that I still let even these little sacrifices escape me, those sacrifices that bring such peace to the heart. Yet I do not become discouraged; I adapt myself to having a little less peace, and I strive to be more watchful next time. O Lord, how your pardon and your help make me happy and courageous! How easy and sweet it is to serve You here below!

“If You want me, all my life long, to feel repugnance in suffering and being humiliated, if You permit all the flowers of my desires and good will to fall to the ground without producing anything, I do not want to be troubled. I am sure that if I persevere in my poor efforts, in the blink of an eye, at the moment of death, You will know how to make beautiful fruits ripen on the tree of my soul” (cf. T.B.G. St. 10; CR.).

“O God, I am exhausted and in need of help, lacking strength and abounding in misery; but if your eye rests upon me, I shall be raised from my humiliation, my head shall be lifted, and many will give You glory.

“Grant me to stand firm in the covenant made with You, to live according to it and grow old in fulfilling my duties. I want to trust and persevere in my undertaking, since for You it is easy, O Lord, to enrich the poor in an instant. Your blessing will be my reward and in a short moment will make my efforts bear fruit” (cf. Sirach 11, 12-24).