Chapter 5. On Knowing One's-Self, and on the Sins of Our Past Life; for Monday Night

1.—Having made the sign of the cross, with the prepa- ration mentioned in the second chapter, study to learn in the tide knowledge of thyself and the recollection of thy eng, ‘he road to true humility of heart and repentance, which are the two first gates, and also the foundations of a Christian life.

2.-—For this purpose thou shouldst first consider the multitude of the sins of thy past life, especially of those commit-ted before thou knewest God; for, if thou examinest well, thou wilt find they have outnumbered the hairs of thy head, gentile who knows not God. Turn thy eyes fora moment to the ten commandments, and also the seven capital sins, and

• thou wilt not perchance find one commandment against which thou hast not oftentimes sinned in thought, word, or deed, nor one of the capital sins which thou hast not frequently committed. Our first parent ate of only one forbidden tree when he committed the greatest sin in the world, and thou Gens rik. hast set thy hands and eyes upon all i merable times. Ñ

3.—Take a survey also of all the divine favours bestowed on thee during thy past life, and see what use thou hast made-

• of them; for if thou hast to render an account of them all, it were well to take it in hand thyself first, and enter into

Cor. xi. judgment with thyself, that thou mayst not afterwards be judged by God. Then tell me now, in what didst thou waste thy childhood ? In what thy boyhood? In what thy youth? Finally, in what all the days of thy past life? How didst thou employ the senses of thy body and the faculties of the soul which God gave thee wherewith to know and serve him? In what didst thou employ thy eyes, but to gaze on vanity ? In what thy ears, but'to listen to lies? In what thy tongue, except perchance in oaths and murmurs, and all the indecent talk of worldlings? In what thy taste, and smell, and touch, except in dainties and sensual gratifica- _ tions? What use hast thou made of the sacraments which

God instituted for thy cure ? How hast thou thanked him for

“and that thou hast lived during all that time the life of a.

his favours ? How hast thou hearkened to his inspirations? | — i E y > Pa d = $

In what hast thou employed thy health and strength, and the bounties of nature, and the so-called goods of fortune, and the means and opportunities which God gave thee to enable thee to lead a good life ? What commendable care hast thou shewn for thy neighbour, and what works of mercy on his behalf have distinguished thee ? What answer wilt thou make on that day of account when God shall say to thee, ** Give me an accouut of thy stewardship, and of the property I entrusted to thy care, for I wish to employ thee no longer?” oh barren tree, prepared for eternal fire! What answer wilt thou make on that day when an account shall be demanded of all thy life, and of every point and moment of it?

4.—Secondly, reflect on the sins thou hast committed and daily continuest to commit, craneo thou hast opened thy eyes to the knowledge of God, and thou wilt find the old Adam still living within thee, with many of his old roots and habits. For this purpose look at the faults and negligences into which every day thou hast fallen, both as regards God, thy neighbour, and thyself, and in all thou wilt find thyself very defective.

5.—Consider also thy negligence in the service of God, thy ingratitude. for his favours, thy rebellion against his inspirations, thy slothfulness in his service, which thou hast neglected or not performed with the readiness and diligence which thou oughtest, nor with that purity of intention required of thee, but only out of respect for others or from worldly motives. É

6.—Consider further how hard thou art upon thy neighbour, how compassionate to thyself, how fond of thy own will, and of thy flesh, and of thy honour, and of all thy interests. See also how proud thou art, how ambitious, angry, hasty, vainglorious, full of envy and malice, dainty, changeable, inconstant, sensual, devoted to thy pleasures, to idle conversations, laughter, and tittle-tattle. Look also how inconstant theu art in thy good resolutions, how thoughtless tay

Ae * * in thy conversations, how improvident in thy actions, and how. cowardly and pusillanimous in all serious things.

7.—Thirdly, having considered in this order the multi- .

| | | | | tude of thy sins, reflect upon their heinousness, that thou mayst, in every way, see how thy misery is aggravated. For this purpose, consider three things worthy of notice connected with the sins of thy past life; against whom thou hast sinned, why thou hast sinned, and in what manner thou hast sinned. If thou considerest against whom thou hast sinned, thou wilt find thou hast simned against God, whose goodness and majesty are infinite, and whose favours and mercies towards man are more numerous than \the sands of the sea, in whom alone are centred all excellences, and e claim and obligation which we can owe to creatures, in the highest degree of obligation. But why hast thou sinned? For a point of honour, for an animal pleasure, for a shred of interest and other trifles light as air. Of this he complains bitterly through the Prophet,

Exec, xvi. saying, “They have dishonoured my people for a handful of barley and a morsel of bread.” But, in what manner hast thou sinned ? With such ease, with such boldness, without remorse, without fear, and at all times with — such satisfaction and pleasure as if thou wert sinning against a wooden god, who neither knows nor sees what is passing in the world. Is this then the honour to be paid to such exalted majesty? Is this the thanksgiving for such great favours? Is this the return for that precious blood which was shed upon the cross? For those stripes and buffets which were endured for thee? Oh miserable wretch that thou art, both for what thou hast lost, still more for what thou hast done, and much more if withal thou dost not see thy ruin!

8.—Consider also the fearful horror God has of sin, and the dreadful punishments he inflicts upon it, in order that thou mayst more clearly appreciate the malice contained i 40 >

1t, as before-mentioned.

9.—After the above reflections, think of thyself as meanly as possible. Think that thou art but a reed bent by every wind, without weight or strength, without firmness or stability, and of no worth. Think that thou art a Lazarus four days dead, a body rotten and corrupted, full of worms, so that the passers-by hold their nose, and turn away their eyes to avoid seeing thee. Consider that in this same manner thou art offensive in the sight of God and his angels, and hold thyself unworthy to lift up thy eyes to heaven, for the earth to bear thee, for any creature to serve thee, of the bread which thou eatest, and of the light and air which thou receivest. And if thou art unworthy of all these, see how much more of conversing with God, of the consolations of the Holy Spirit, and of the pleasures and enjoyments of the children of God. Esteem thyself the poorest and most miserable creature in the world, that has made the very worst use of all God’s benefits. And think that, if in Tyre and Sidon (that is for other very great sinners) God had wrought what Matt. xviii. he has done for thee, they would have already done penance in sack-cloth and ashes. Know that thou art much worse than thou canst imagine, and that however deep thou art sunk in the mire, and if even thou hast fathomed the bottom of it, every day thou wilt find a depth deeper still wherein to wallow. Cry out to God, and say to Him, Oh Puke sts Lord I have nothing, I am worth nothing, Tam nothing, and can do nothing without thee. Cast thyself with that public sinner at the feet of thy Saviour, thy face covered with confusion, with such feelings of shame as a wife would shew before a husband against whom she had committed treason; present thyself before that spouse of heaven against whom thou hast committed such numerous shameful acts of adultery, and, with sorrow and heartfelt repentance, beg pardon for thy iniquities, and that in his infinite compassion and mercy he will again receive thee into his dwelling.

10.—At the conclusion of the meditation make an act of — thanksgiving, an oblation, and petition, as mepieged in the second chapter.