Chapter 6. On Sin; Being a Lengthened Consideration of the Subject of the Last Meditation

§ 1.—On the advantages to be derived from the consideration "of our sins, and to what end this consideration should Y be directed. 1.—The first plank after shipwreck, says St. Jerome, is penance. "Tis the first step of the ascent, the foundation stone of the spiritual edifice. To attain this virtue, after divine grace, of which true repentance is the gift, it is profitable to consider the multitude of our sins, both past and present, and their enormity and malice, because from this consideration come compunction and sorrow. 2.—And not only these, but many other exalted virtues spring out of the same consideration. From this, spring the knowledge of ourselves (of which we shall treat in the following meditation), contempt of ourselves, the fear of God, a hatred for sin, and other similar affections of the mind, in which perfection materially consists. To all these objects thou must therefore apply and direct this exercise, that it may be more profitable to thee, striving to extract all those sweet fruits from the bitter root of this consideration. But, as to attain these fruits divine grace is necessary, which is chiefly conceded to the humble and devout, beg now of God this humility and devotion, that retired in the recesses of thy heart, James II. 1. Peter I. 5. thou mayst imitate that holy King who said, Isalab xxxvill. “TI will weigh before thee, oh Lord, all the years of my life in the bitterness of my heart.”

$ 2.—On the multitude of the sins of our past lives.

3.—Since then thou desirest to know the great number of thy sins committed in days gone by, consider shortly all the

Ñ Mi: => commandments, and the seven deadly sins, and thou wilt assuredly find that there is scarcely one commandment thou hast not broken, nor one mortal sin into which thou hast not fallen.

4.—The first commandment is to honour God, who, according to St. Augustin, is honoured by the three theological virtues—faith, hope, and charity. What sort of faith has he held who has lived a life as dissipated as if he believed all the mysteries and doctrines of faith to be a lie? What hope has he entertained who never thought on a future life, and knew not what it was in his: troubles to call on God for his assistance ? What charity had he who loved the point of honour, the straw of self-interest, and the mire of pleasure, better than God himself, because for each of these he spurned and offended him? What reverence had he for that sovereign

“Majesty, who was accustomed to drag through the dirt that most holy name by cursing and swearing at every step and on every idle occasion? How did he keep holy his festivals who only looked forward to those days as opportunities for sinning in swearing and strutting about, and scandalizing innocent women, and indulging in sin, and bad company ?

5.—Consider then how harsh and uncourteous thou hast been to thy parents, how disobedient to thy superiors, how careless about those under thy charge as to teaching them '

what is good and directing them in the ways of God. Then the hatreds, passions, and desires of revenge thou hast harboured, who can number them? And if these cannot be counted, who can count the multitude of lies and all kinds of meanness into which thou hast fallen in thy actions, in thy words, and in thy desires? What has thy heart been better than a stye and a quagmire? What thy mouth but what the

Psalm y. Prophet calls ‘‘an open sepulchre,” whence issued the bad odours of thy soul already dead within thee ? What thine eyes but the windows of death and perdition ? What presented itself before them which thou didst not covet and long for, forgetting that God was present and that he had - placed an interdict on that very tree? To the fornicator,

Eccle. xxili. says the wise man, all bread is sweet since his appetite and hunger are so insatiable that he tastes every thing and every where finds flavor, forgetful that there is a God. Again, who can disclose the extent of thy avarice and the thefts of thy desires which, far from being satisfied with what God had given thee, thought the whole world too little to satiate them ? And if he who covets his neighbour’s goods is a robber in the sight of God, how many times has he deserved the gallows who has in his heart committed so many robberies ? Then thy lies, murmurings, and rash judgments, are as numberless as the others, for-scarcely hast thou joined in conversations with others but the burthen of thy discourse has been thy neighbour’s character, the widow, the maid, the priest, or the lay brother, regardless of every rank and.

condition.

6.—Thus hast thou observed the divine commandments ;

let us see next how thou hast escaped from the deadly sins. *

The pride of thy heart, what has it been ? The desire for honour and praise, to what pitch has it reached ? Thy presumption and self-esteem, and thy contempt for others, who can explain them ? What shall I say of the vain-glory and levity of thy heart, since a pretty feather, nice fitting hose, and a silk ribbon, have sufficed to lift thee off thy feet with anxiety to be admired by everybody ? What step hast thou taken, what act hast thou done, what words hast thou spoken free from vanity and self-love ? Thy dress, establishment, retinue, table, bed, the civilities of society, thy every step and action have smacked of pride, and have all walked clad in vamity ? Then thy anger like a serpent’s, thy gluttony like that of a hungry wolf, thy sloth only to be compared with that of the stolid ass! Thy envy more bitter than the viper’s! and to sum up, if thou wilt examine thyself closely, thou wilt find thyself corrupted and lost in everything.

7.—Consider 1fext thy five senses and all the other blessings God has bestowed upon thee, and see in what manner thou hast made use of them, and thou wilt certainly find that all those things, given thee the better to enable thee to serve the giver, have been made use of as arms against him. Inoffending him thou hast wasted strength, health, property, and life; understanding, memory, and will; sight, tongue, and every other faculty.

8.—These and much worse offences thou wilt have committed in thy past life, therefore with great truth canst thou ery out with that great but repentant sinner, “My sins exII. Paral. xxxiii- ceed in number the sands of the sea and have extended on every side ; I have done many abominations and multiplied my offences.”” With so many reasons then for placing a curb upon thyself, and filling thy soul with the fear of God, viz:—the abundance of his favours and the immensity of his goodness and justice, thou hast neither thanked him for his fayours, loved him for his goodness, nor feared him for his justice, but forgetful of all and blind to everything, thou hast rushed into every sort of vice. And had the provocations and incentives to sin been great, there might perhaps be some sort of excuse for thy offences; but what shall I say ? That for trifles light as air, for the toys of children, often for nothing, absolutely for no object but through sheer contempt thou hast sinned against thy Maker. Some, when they commit sin, do so with some fear and remorse of conscience, or at least are conscious of guilt after they have incurred it; and thou forsooth wouldst be so blind and so senseless that thou wouldst commit a thousand sins without any sort of fear or remorse of conscience, as if thou didst not believe in a God or believed in one after the manner of those ‘Psalm xeiii. 7. who said, “The Lord will not see what is done here; the God of Jacob will not understand it.” This is one of the greatest evils in the world, because amongst the six things which Solomon states are abhorred of God is, “A

Proverbs vi. 18. swift foot to run after mischief,” referring to the ease and activity of the wicked in falling into sin.

$ 3.—On the sins and faults into which a man may hace i fallen after he has begun to know God ; containing i very profitable instruction for self-lenorledge and Sor advancing on the way to perfection.

—Thou hast certainly fallen into these and many other sins before thou knewest God, but since thou hast arrived at the knowledge of him, if happily thou hast done so, beg of him to open thy eyes a little, and thou wilt still find many remains of the old man, and many Jebusites who will have clung to thee in the land of promise from thou haying shewn thyself too compassionate towards them.

10.—Behold then how imperfect thou hast been in every duty, both towards thy God, thy neighbour, and thyself. See how little thou hast advanced in the service of thy Creator during the long time that has elapsed since he ealled thee, how strong thy passions still are, how little progress thou hast made in virtue, how thou still continuest the same, like an old knotted tree which never thrives. Nay perhaps thou hast absolutely gone back, since in the ways of God not to advance is to recede. At least in fervour and deyotion thou wilt like enough find thyself much behind what thou once wast in former times. ail

11.—See also the little penance 5 thon hast done for thy sins, thy little love and fear and thy slender trust in God. The little love shewn in the little thou workest for him, the little fear in the many sins thou still committest, the slender hope shewn in the time of trouble and in the heavings and pains which thou sufferest' under every tribulation, because thy heart does not ride firmly at the anchor of hope.

12.—Furthermore see how faintly thou respondest to the divine inspirations, what a rebel thou art to the light of heaven, how thou fillest with sorrow the Holy Spirit since to spare thy

“A A A ee de own will thou thwartest his. He calls thee one way and thou - followest another, he desires thee to serve him in one way, thou wilt do soin another. And though the will of God be evident, if thy own incline another way, thou followest thy own instead of his. Should he summon thee to interior devotions thou hastenest to perform external acts, if to prayer thou takest to reading. He desires thee to attend first to thyself, thou neglecting thyself and thy own advancement for the benefit of others so mismanagest matters as to be useless both to thyself and to them. In fine, whenever thy will runs counter to the will of God, thine is victorious, that of God is defeated.

13.—If perchance thou dost any good works, what are thy shortcomings ? In prayer, how often art thou distracted, wearied, sleepy, and lazy, without respect for the divine Majesty with which thou art conversing, looking only to the end of thy task in order to attend to some other more agreeable to thy taste ? As to other good works, how luke-warmly and how imperfectly are they performed? And if it be true that God regards not so much the performance of a good work as the intention with which it is performed, how many good works hast thoudone free from dust and soil, unsullied by vanity and the world? How many hast thou done to. satisfy the importunities of others or out of compliment to them? How many for thy own honour or reputation? How many to please man? How many for thy own pleasure and gratification ? And how few purely for God, regardless of any respect for the world ?

14.—Next turning to thy duty to thy neighbour, thou wilt find thou hast not loved him as God has commanded, nor borne his sufferings as thy own, nor relieved him in his distresses, nay scarcely hast thou shewn him compassion. And perhaps instead of compassionating him, thou hast vented thy indignation and complaints against his doings, however true it may be that real justice shews compassion, and false y Pare ts 3% “4, justice indignation. At all events, as regards that bond of love for which the Apostle so often prays, commanding us to - love one another as members of the same body, since we are Ephe. iy. all participators of the same spirit, how little hast thou been bound by it? How often hast thou neglected to relieve the poor, to visit the sick, to assist the widow, and to help him who was helpless ? To how many hast thou given

• scandal «by thy conversation, thy actions, and thy answers ?

How often hast thou set thyself above thy equals, contemned thy inferiors, and flattered thy superiors, sinking thyself to the level of the ant before some, but towering like an elephant before others ?

15.—But now looking into thyself and placing thy hand upon thy heart, when thou withdrawest it, with what a leprosy is it covered! What deep sores thou hast touched ! How vigorous dost thou find the roots of pride and the loye of honours, the feeling of vain-glory, hidden hypocrisy, with which to cloak thy faults and to appear to others different from what thou art! How fond thou art of self-interest and of the gratification of the flesh, for which oftentimes under the cover of necessity, thou not only makest provision but even a slave of thyself, thou not only providest sustenance but even dainties ! And should thy equal advance a step before thee, how quickly do the roots of envy bud forth! And if one only touches thee on a point of honour, how quickly bursts forth thy wrath!

16.—Furthermore, amongst all these evils who can tell the looseness of thy tongue, thy levity of heart, the obstinacy - of thy self-will and thy inconstancy in good resolutions ? To

. how many bad words does thy tongue give utterance, to how many idle ones, to how many against thy neighbour and in praise of thyself ? How seldom is thy self-will checked and its prey sacrificed for the love of God or of thy neighbour ? Look well into it, and thou wilt find how seldom thou gainest a victory over thyself though it is necessary always to do so to be truly virtuous. What shall I say then as to the inconstancy of thy good resolutions but conclude in a few words that no weathercock turns with every wind so easily as thou art shifted by every puff that breathes upon thee? What is . thy whole life but child’s play, weaving and ravelling, forming a resolution in the morning, tired in the evening if not sooner? Is not this the case of the insane man mentioned in the Gospel whom the Disciples of our Saviour could not cure, because his malady was so strong ? 17.—Then the levity of thy heart, its inconstancy, instability, and pusillanimity, are as little capable of explanation. It assumes as many forms and appearances as occasions offer at every hour, without the slightest stability or firmness: how readily is it distracted by every matter of business, how easily turned aside from its object, and what a trifle sufficed to molest, weary, and stifle it ? 18.—Finally, having cast up the account and seen how much thou hast and how much is wanting, thou wilt find much reason to fear that all thou hast may be but the appearance and shadow of virtue, false righteousness, (since there is in thee but a slight taste for God, perhaps more akin to the flesh than the spirit.) And with all this thou seemest perhaps to thyself safe, and perhaps thou wilt say with the Luke xviii. Pharisee that thou art not as the rest of men, because they feel not what thou feelest ; whereas in truth thy soul is full of self-love, self-will, and all the other vices and passions we have just spoken of. Thus all thou hast done is comprised in crying out “Lord, Lord,” and omitting to do the will of God; imitating the false justice of the Pharisees, and being the luke-warm person mentioned in .

the Apocalypse whom God vomits out of his mouth.

19.—On all these points thou shouldst seriously reflect and direct thy attention to grief and sorrow for thy sins, to the knowledge of thy own misery in order on the one hand, to beg pardon of God for thy offences, and on the other, strength and grace neyer more to offend him. e

$ 4.—On self-accusation, self-hatred, and self-contempt.

20.—After a man has thus taken into consideration the multitude of his sins, and seen himself so burthened with them on every side, he should humble himself and excite his heart to contrition with all his strength, and desire to be despised by all creatures for having himself despised the Creator of all. For this purpose he may make use of a very devout reflection of St. Bonaventure where, speaking of compunction and self-contempt, he says :—

21.—“‘Brethren, let us contemplate our great baseness and the enormity of our offences against God, and humble ourselves as much as possible before him. Let us be afraid to lift up our eyes to heaven, but rather strike our breasts like Luke xviii. the Publican in the Gospel, that God may take compassion upon us. Let us fortify ourselves and take up arms against our own malice, constitute ourselves our own judges, each one saying within himself; if for my sins my Lord was-so despised and afflicted, how can I cease to lower and depreciate myself, being myself the sinner ? Far be it from me to presume to be aught else than the vilest and most abominable dunghill, the smell of which is even intolerable to myself. I am he who despised God and a second time crucified him. It seems as if the whole world exclaimed against me, saying :—This is the man who offended and despised the Lord of all. This is that perverse and ungrateful man who was more swayed by the deceits of the devil than by the favours of God; who took more pleasure in following the seductions of the evil one than in the love of his Creator. This man could not be attracted to virtue by divine solicitations nor scared from sin by the fear of divine justice. This is he who to his utmost thwarted and scorned the power, wisdom, and goodness of God. He feared more offending a weak man than the omnipotence of the Almighty. He was more ashamed of committing a base act before the meanest serf, than before the face of God himself. He preferred the embraces of a rotten dunghill to those of infinite goodness. This is he who-fixed his eyes on the poverty and corruption of the creature and turned his back on the Creator. What shall I say ? He abstained from nothing base and abominable in the presence of God, living without restraint and without shame in the presence of so great a Majesty.

22.—Then let all created things, each in its own way, cry out against me and say: This is he who misused us all, since he was ordained to make use of us for the service and glory of our Creator, and he has betrayed us to the service of the enemy turning against the Creator that which was formed for his service. His soul was made beauteous in its likeness to God, he blotting out the divine image, has clothed himself in our image and likeness. He has become more earthly than earth, more slippery than water, more changeable than the wind, more inflamed in his appetites than fire, more hardened than stone, more cruel to himself than a wild-beast, and more venemous than the basilisk against others. Shall I say, he feared not God:and made no account of man, and thus scattered his poison on all around him dragging them down with him into the gulph of his imiquities? He was not satisfied to be alone in his offences against God but sought coadjutors and companions in his iniquities. Then, what shall I say of his other sins ? Such was his pride that he refused to be subject to God and to bend his neck to the yoke of obedience; preferring to live in antagonism to him and follow his own will in direct opposition to the will of God. If God did not gratify his appetites or visited him with adversity, he was angry with him as with a servant. In all his actions, both good and bad, he looked for praise, as if he were God to whom alone all praise is due, since all His works are good and ordained for a good purpose. What more shall I say? In a certain way Isaiah xiv. - he was prouder than Lucifer, more preGen, iii. sumptuous than Adam, for they, decked out -as they were in splendour and beauty, found some motive for presumption, but he a filthy rotten dunghill, what right had he to set any value upon himself in anything?

23.—Let all creatures then justly cry out against me, and say :—Come let us destroy this perpetrator of wrongs against our Creator. The earth exclaims ; why do I sustain him ? The water cries out; why dont I swallow him down? The air; why doI give him breath? The fire; why dont I consume him? Hell calls out; why do I not drag him down into torments? Alas! Alas! then wretch that I am, what shall Ido? Where shall I fly since all nature is in arms against me? Where shall I hide myself? Who will receive me since I have offended all? I have despised God, I have angered his angels, I have dishonoured his saints, I have injured and scandalized man, and I have illused all created things. But why all this long discourse? since in offending the Creator of all things, I by that, offended all created things. I know not then, wretch that I am, where to flee, because I have made all things my enemies, so that when I look around me, there is no one to take my part. Even my own conscience barks at me, and my own bowels accuse and rend me asunder.

24.—Then will I incessantly, like a miserable sinner, weep and pray as long as my dwelling is in this vale of tears, hoping that my most compassionate Saviour will deign to turn his eyes upon me. I will cast myself at his feet in all humility and confusion, crying out; Oh Lord! behold that great enemy of thine, who in thy sight has committed so many abominations. I acknowledge my guilt before thee to be so great, that though I alone should suffer all the pains of hell to which the devils and the wicked are doomed, I could never sufficiently satisfy what my sins deserve. Stretch then, Oh Lord, over this miserable sinner the canopy of thy mercy, thy goodness is greater than my iniquity. The indulgent father rejoiced over the return of the prodigal son, the good shepherd over the sheep that was lost, and the pious woman

. . a over the piece of gold which she found. Oh how happy will that day be when thou wilt throw thy arms around my neck and give me the kiss of peace !

25.—To obtain then this happiness I know what I will do. I will take up arms against myself, and will be the most cruel and severe of all against myself; I will afflict myself in every way with labours and pains; I will despise myself as filthy mire ; I will rejoice in afironts and insults from every one; I will welcome the discovery and exposure of my own confusion; and as alone I am insufficient to hate and contemn myself as I deserve, 1 will call on all the world and every ereated thing to add to my affliction, and to concur in making me more contemptible, because I have brought into contempt the Creator of all things. It shall be to me a coveted treasure to increase my sufferings and contempt of self, and to love from the bottom of my heart all who assist me in that object. The consolations and honours of this life shall henceforth be my torment, and I will esteem them as deceitful and flattering enemies. I firmly believe that if I shall act in this manner, I shall induce all (however insulted by me hitherto) to have compassion upon me, and those who have lifted up their voices against me to pray and supplicate for me. Then let disgraces and stripes shower upon me on all sides, that they may raise me up to my most sweet Lord. Let honours and pleasures pass far away from me and find no resting place in me. Let me seek in all things nothing but the honour of God and my own abasement and confusion.”

26.—Thus far tho words of St. Bonaventure, powerful helps to him who ‘devoutly considers them for the purpose of engrafting in him these four noble feelings ; sorrow for sin, the fear of God, a holy hatred of self, and a desire to be despised for the sake of God. From the first is born repentance, which washes away past sins; the second the fear of God prevents future sins ; by the third the hatred of self, self-love is overcome ; and by the fourth, true humility conquers the love of worldly glory. Whoever seeks to obtain these four virtues must employ his mind in these or similar considerations. But by these means especially is acquired that holy hatred of self, which consists not only in flying from the pleasures of the body and seeking for afflictions, but more in despising all the dignities and honours of the world, and in loving every contempt and disgrace for God's sake: and this affection belongs especially to humility, which is a thorough contempt for self, arising from true knowledge and consciousness of sin. I say this, that the lovers of true humility may know that from the fountain whence they draw water to create self-hatred, they will also obtain a supply to nourish and irrigate the tree of ‘true humility from which all virtues grow.