Chapter X

Caritas non est ambitiosa.

He who loves Jesus Christ seeks nothing but Jesus Christ.

He who loves God does not go about seeking to be esteemed and loved by men: his only desire is to be loved by God, who is the sole object of his love. St. Hilary writes that every honor received from the world is a business of the devil: Omnis saeculi honor diaboli negotium est (S. Hilar. in Matth. 6). And so it is, because the enemy bargains for hell when he inspires a soul with desires to be esteemed; for, losing humility, it places itself in danger of plunging into every evil. St. James writes that just as God opens wide his hand of graces to the humble, so he closes it and resists the proud: Deus superbis resistit, humilibus autem dat gratiam (Iac. IV, 6). He says superbis resistit, meaning that he does not even listen to their prayers. And among acts of pride, one is certainly this: aspiring to be esteemed by men and growing vain over the honors received from them.

All too frightening in this matter was the example of Fra Giustino the Franciscan, who had attained an eminent degree of contemplation, but because he perhaps — and without perhaps — already nourished within himself a desire to be esteemed by the world, here is what happened to him. One day Pope Eugene IV sent for him, and, because of the reputation he had for holiness, greatly honored him, embraced him, and had him sit beside him. After such a favor, Fra Giustino grew vain about himself; whereupon St. John Capistrano said to him: "Oh, Fra Giustino, you went as an angel and returned as a devil!" And indeed, the wretch growing from day to day in pride, demanding to be treated as he esteemed himself, he came to kill a friar with a knife; then he apostatized and fled to Naples, where he committed other crimes; and there he finally died an apostate in a prison. Hence a great servant of God wisely said that when we hear or read of the fall of certain cedars of Lebanon — a Solomon, a Tertullian, an Osius — whom everyone had regarded as saints, it is a sign that they had not given themselves entirely to God and inwardly nourished within themselves some spirit of pride, and therefore they fell. Let us tremble, then, when we see some ambition arising in us to appear important and be esteemed by the world; and when the world pays us some honor, let us beware of taking pleasure in it, for such pleasure can be the cause of our ruin.

Let us guard ourselves especially from the ambition of maintaining points of honor. St. Teresa said: "Where there are points of honor, there will never be spirit." Many persons profess the spiritual life, but they are idolaters of their own reputation. They display certain apparent virtues, but have the ambition to be praised in all their conduct; and when no one praises them, they praise themselves; in short, they seek to appear better than others, and if ever they feel their reputation touched, they lose their peace, abandon Communion, abandon all their devotions, and do not rest until they think they have recovered the esteem they lost. But the true lovers of God do not act this way. Not only do they avoid speaking any word of self-praise, and not only do they take no pleasure in it, but they are saddened by the praises they receive from others, and they rejoice to see themselves held in low esteem by men.

How very true is what St. Francis of Assisi used to say: "I am worth only what I am before God." What does it profit to be esteemed as great by the world, if before God we are vile and contemptible? On the other hand, what does it matter if the world despises us, if we are dear and pleasing in the eyes of God? St. Augustine wrote: Nec malam conscientiam sanat praeconium laudantis, nec bonam vulnerat conviciantis opprobrium (Lib. 3. contr. Petil.): just as the praise of those who commend us does not heal a bad conscience, so the insult of those who revile us does not wound a good one. "What does it matter to us," said St. Teresa, "if we are blamed by creatures and held as worthless, provided that before you we are great and without fault?" The saints desired nothing but to live unknown and abject in the hearts of all. St. Francis de Sales writes: "But what wrong is ever done to us when people have a bad opinion of us, when we ourselves ought to have the same? Do we not know that we are wretched, and yet expect others to consider us good?"

Oh, how secure is the hidden life for those who wish to love Jesus Christ from the heart! Jesus himself gave us the example by living hidden and despised for thirty years in a workshop. And therefore the saints, in order to avoid the esteem of men, went to live in deserts and caves. St. Vincent de Paul said that the desire to appear important and to have people speak of us with honor, praise our conduct, and say we are doing marvels, is an evil that, by making us forget God, infects our most holy actions, and is the vice most harmful to our progress in the spiritual life.

Whoever, then, wishes to advance in the love of Jesus Christ must utterly put to death within himself the love of his own reputation. But how shall we put to death the love of our own reputation? Here is how St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi teaches us: "The life of the appetite for one's own reputation is to stand in good esteem before all; therefore the death of one's own reputation is to hide oneself so as not to be known by anyone. And until a person comes to die in this way, he will never be a true servant of God."

So then, to make ourselves pleasing in the eyes of God, we must guard ourselves from the ambition of appearing important and being pleasing in the eyes of men. And even more must we guard ourselves from the ambition of dominating others. St. Teresa desired that her monastery, with all its nuns, should burn to the ground sooner than have this accursed ambition enter it. And therefore she wished that if ever any of her religious were found maneuvering to be made superior, she should be expelled from the monastery or at least kept imprisoned forever. St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi said: "The honor of a spiritual person consists in being subject to all, and in having a horror of being preferred to others." The ambition, then, of a soul that loves God should be to surpass all others in humility, as St. Paul says: in humilitate superiores (Phil. II, 3). In short, whoever loves God should seek nothing but God. Vade, Satana. Scriptum est enim: Dominum Deum tuum adorabis, et illi soli servies (Matth. IV, 10).

Affections and Prayers

My Jesus, give me the ambition to please you, and make me forget all creatures and even myself. What does it profit me to be loved by the whole world if I am not loved by you, sole love of my soul? My Jesus, you came to this earth to win our hearts; if I cannot give you my heart, take it yourself, and fill it with your love, and do not allow me ever again to be separated from you. In the past I turned my back on you, but now, seeing the evil I have done, I am sorry with all my heart, and no pain afflicts me more than the memory of the many offenses I have committed against you. It consoles me to know that you are infinite goodness, who does not disdain to love a sinner who loves you.

My beloved Redeemer, O sweet love of my soul, in the past I scorned you, but now I love you more than myself. I offer you myself and all that is mine: I desire nothing but to love you and please you. This is my ambition: receive it and increase it, and destroy in me every desire for worldly goods. Too greatly are you worthy to be loved, and too greatly have you obliged me to love you.

Here I am: I wish to be entirely yours, and I wish to suffer all that you will, you who for love of me died of sorrow upon a cross. You want me to be a saint; you can make me a saint; in you I trust.

And I trust also in your protection, O great Mother of God, Mary.