Chapter XII

Caritas non irritatur.

He who loves Jesus Christ never grows angry with his neighbor.

The virtue of not growing angry in the face of adverse events is a daughter of meekness. We have already said much about the acts belonging to meekness in the preceding chapters; but because this is a virtue that must be continually exercised by anyone who lives among men, we shall here say some further things more particular and more useful in practice.

Humility and meekness were the virtues dear to Jesus Christ, wherefore he told his disciples to learn this from him — to be humble and meek: Hoc discite a me, quia mitis sum et humilis corde (Matt. XI, 29). Our Redeemer was called the Lamb: Ecce Agnus Dei (Io. I, 29) — both because of the sacrifice that was to be made of him on the cross to satisfy for our sins, and because of the meekness he showed throughout his whole life and especially during his Passion. When in the house of Caiaphas he received the slap from that officer who at the same time called him insolent, saying: Sic respondes pontifici? (Io. XVIII, 22), Jesus answered only these words: Si male locutus sum, testimonium perhibe de malo, si autem bene, quid me caedis? (Io. XVIII, 23). He then continued to practice this meekness until death: while on the cross, as all mocked and blasphemed him, he did nothing but pray the Eternal Father to forgive them: Pater, dimitte illis, non enim sciunt quid faciunt (Luc. XXIII, 34).

Oh, how dear to Jesus Christ are the meek hearts that, upon receiving affronts, mockery, calumnies, persecutions, and even blows and wounds, do not grow angry with those who insult or strike them! Mansuetorum semper tibi placuit deprecatio (Iudith. IX, 16). The prayers of the meek are always pleasing to God — that is, they are always heard. To the meek paradise is specially promised: Beati mites, quoniam ipsi possidebunt terram (Matth. V, 4). Father Alvarez used to say that paradise is the homeland of the despised, the persecuted, and the trampled upon; yes, because to these — not to the proud who are honored and esteemed by the world — the possession of that eternal kingdom is reserved. David wrote that the meek will not only obtain eternal beatitude, but even in this life will enjoy a great peace: Mansueti... haereditabunt terram, et delectabuntur in multitudine pacis (Ps. XXXVI, 11). Yes, because the saints do not harbor resentment toward those who mistreat them but love them more than before; and the Lord, as a reward for their patience, increases their interior peace. St. Teresa said: "With those who spoke ill of me, it seemed that I placed in them a new love." Hence the Sacred Rota wrote of the saint: Offensiones ipsi amoris escam ministrabant — offenses furnished her with fuel for loving more those who offended her most. Such meekness, however, can be had only by one who is endowed with great humility and a low opinion of himself, whereby he believes he deserves every contempt; and therefore, on the contrary, the proud are always wrathful and vindictive, because they have a high opinion of themselves and consider themselves worthy of every honor.

Beati mortui qui in Domino moriuntur (Apoc. XIV, 13). We must therefore die in the Lord to be blessed and to begin to enjoy blessedness even from this life — that blessedness which can be had before going to heaven, which certainly is much less than the blessedness of heaven, but is such that it surpasses all the sensible pleasures of this life: Et pax Dei quae exsuperat omnem sensum custodiat corda vestra, so wrote the Apostle to his disciples (Philip. IV, 7). But to arrive at obtaining this peace, even in the midst of affronts and calumnies, we must be dead to the Lord.

The dead man, however much he is mistreated and trampled by others, feels nothing; and so the meek person, as one dead who no longer sees or hears, must suffer all the contempt he receives. He who loves Jesus Christ from the heart arrives at this well, since, being entirely conformed to his will, he receives with the same peace and equanimity both prosperous and adverse things, consolations and afflictions, insults and courtesies. So did the Apostle, and therefore he said: Superabundo gaudio in omni tribulatione nostra (II Cor. VII, 4). Oh, happy is the one who reaches this degree of virtue! He enjoys a continual peace, which is a good that surpasses all other goods of this world. St. Francis de Sales said: "What is all the world worth in comparison with peace of heart?" And truly, of what use are all the riches, all the honors of the world, to one who lives in restlessness and does not have peace of heart?

In short, to remain always united with Jesus Christ, we must do everything with tranquility, without being disturbed by any adversity we encounter. Non in commotione Dominus (III Reg. XIX, 11): the Lord does not dwell in troubled hearts.

Let us hear the beautiful teachings that the master of meekness, St. Francis de Sales, gives us on this subject: "Never fly into a rage, nor open the door to anger for any pretext whatsoever, because once it has entered us, it is no longer in our power to drive it out or moderate it when we wish. The remedies therefore are: first, reject it at once by turning the mind elsewhere, without saying a word. Second, in imitation of the apostles when they saw the sea in tempest, have recourse to God, to whom it belongs to set the heart at peace. Third, if you see that anger has, through your weakness, already set foot in your spirit, then force yourself to regain your calm, and afterwards endeavor to practice acts of humility and gentleness toward the person against whom you feel angry. But all this must be done with mildness and without violence, for it is very important not to irritate the wounds." And on this subject the saint said that he had labored in his life to overcome two passions that most dominated him — anger and love. To overcome the passion of anger, he confessed he had to labor for twenty-two years to subdue it. As for the passion of love, he had managed to change its object, leaving creatures and turning all his affections to God. And so the saint acquired such great interior peace that he showed it even outwardly, appearing almost always with a serene face and a smile on his lips.

Unde bella, nisi ex concupiscentiis vestris? (Iac. IV, 1). When someone in some encounter feels agitated by anger, it then seems to him that he would find relief and peace by giving vent to his rage through actions or at least through words. But no, he deceives himself, because after having given that vent he will find himself much more disturbed than before. Whoever wishes to preserve himself in a continual peace must beware of ever being in a bad humor. And when he realizes he has been seized by ill humor, let him strive to drive it away at once and not let it sleep the night with him, diverting himself by reading some book, by singing some devout hymn, or by conversing on pleasant matters with some friend.

The Holy Spirit says: Ira in sinu stulti requiescit (Eccl. VII, 10). Anger finds lodging for a long time in the hearts of fools who love Jesus Christ little; but in the hearts of the lovers of Jesus Christ, if ever it enters by stealth, it is quickly driven out and does not remain. A soul that loves the Redeemer from the heart is never in a bad humor, because, wanting nothing but what God wants, it always has everything it wants, and therefore finds itself always tranquil and always the same. The divine will makes it serene in all the adversities that befall it, and hence it exercises a universal meekness with all. But this meekness cannot be obtained without a great love for Jesus Christ. Indeed, we see that we are never more meek and gentle with others than when we experience greater tenderness toward Jesus Christ.

But because we do not always experience this tenderness, we must in mental prayer prepare ourselves to endure whatever encounters may befall us. So the saints have done, and they found themselves then ready to receive insults, slaps, and wounds with patience and meekness. At the time when we find ourselves insulted by our neighbor, if we have not prepared ourselves many times beforehand, it will be difficult for us to discern what we ought to do so as not to be conquered by anger. At that moment, passion will make us see it as reasonable to repel with boldness the boldness of the one who mistreats us unjustly; but St. John Chrysostom writes that a heated reply is not a just means of extinguishing the fire kindled in our neighbor's soul, but rather a cause of kindling it all the more: Igne non potest ignis exstingui. Someone will say: But it is not reasonable to use courtesy and gentleness with an insolent person who offends you without cause. But St. Francis de Sales answers: "We must use meekness not only with reason, but against reason."

At such times we must endeavor to respond with some kind word, and this is the way to extinguish the fire: Responsio mollis frangit iram (Prov. XV, 1). But when the soul is disturbed, the best course will then be to keep silent. St. Bernard writes: Turbatus prae ira oculus rectum non videt. The eye, when clouded by indignation, no longer sees what is just and what is unjust. Passion is like a veil placed before our eyes that no longer lets us discern right from wrong; hence we must make the pact that St. Francis de Sales had made with his tongue: "I have made a pact," he wrote, "with my tongue, not to speak when my heart is troubled."

But at times it seems necessary to restrain some insolent person with harsh words. David said: Irascimini et nolite peccare (Ps. IV, 5). Then sometimes it is lawful to be angry, provided it is done without fault. But here is the point. Speculatively speaking, it sometimes seems expedient to speak or respond harshly to some persons in order to bring them to their senses; but in practice it is very difficult for this to succeed without fault on our part. Hence the safe path is always to admonish or respond with gentleness, and to be careful never to take offense. St. Francis de Sales said: "I have never taken offense without afterwards repenting of it." And when in that encounter we ourselves feel heated, as I said above, the safest course is to keep silent, reserving the admonition or the response for a more opportune time, when the heart no longer smolders.

We must exercise this meekness especially when we are corrected by our superiors or by friends. St. Francis de Sales writes: "To welcome reproofs shows that a person loves the virtues contrary to the faults for which he is reproved, and therefore this is a great sign that he is advancing in perfection." Furthermore, we must use meekness also with ourselves. The devil makes us see it as praiseworthy to grow angry with ourselves when we commit some fault; but no, it is the work of the enemy, who seeks to keep us restless so that we will not be fit to do anything good. St. Francis de Sales said: "Hold it for certain that all those thoughts that give us restlessness do not come from God, who is the Prince of peace, but proceed either from the devil, or from self-love, or from the esteem we have of ourselves. These are the three fountains from which all our disturbances arise. And therefore when thoughts come that disturb us, we must immediately reject and despise them."

Furthermore, meekness is supremely necessary when we must correct others. Corrections made with bitter zeal often do more harm than good, especially when the person who is to be corrected is upset. Then we must hold back from correcting him and wait until the heat of his anger has subsided. And likewise we must refrain from correcting others when we ourselves are in a bad humor, because then the admonition will always come out harshly, and the offender, seeing himself reproved in such a manner, will make little account of the warning, taking it as given out of passion. This applies to what pertains to the good of our neighbor; but as for what belongs to our own profit, let us show that we love Jesus Christ by bearing with peace and joy the mistreatment, the insults, and the contempt we receive.

Affections and Prayers

My despised Jesus, O love, O joy of my soul, by your example you have made contempt so lovable to those who love you. I promise you from this day forward to suffer every affront for love of you, who were so vilified by men on this earth for love of me. Give me the strength to carry this out. Make me know and make me do all that you desire of me.

My God and my all, I wish to seek no other good apart from you, who are an infinite good. You who have such care for my welfare, grant that I may have no other care than to please you. Grant that all my thoughts may always be employed in avoiding every offense against you and in finding ways to please you in all things. Remove from me every occasion that diverts me from your love. I strip myself of my liberty and consecrate it entirely to your divine good pleasure.

I love you, infinite goodness; I love you, my delight, O Incarnate Word; I love you more than myself. Have pity on me and heal me of all the wounds my soul suffers from the offenses it has committed against you. I abandon myself entirely into your arms, O my Jesus: I wish to be entirely yours; I wish to suffer everything for your love; and from you I want nothing but you.

Holy Virgin and my Mother Mary, I love you and in you I trust; help me with your powerful intercession.