Letter VIII. To a Young Lady who was thinking of Marriage

The married state requires more virtue and constancy than any other.

Mademoiselle, I answer your letter of the second of this month, later than I wished, considering the quality of the advice and counsel you ask me; but the great rains have hindered travellers from starting, at least I have had no safe opportunity till this.

The advice your good cousin so constantly gave you

• S. Vincent de Paul.

to remain your own mistress, in the care of your father, and able afterwards to consecrate heart and body to our Lord, was founded on a great number of considerations drawn from many circumstances of your condition. For which reason, if your spirit had been in a full and entire indifference, I should doubtless have told you that you should follow that advice as the noblest and most proper that could be offered, for it would have been such beyond all question.

But since your spirit is not at all in indifference, and quite bent to the election of marriage, and since in spite of your recourse to God you feel yourself still attached to it, it is not expedient to do violence to so confirmed a feeling for any reason whatever. All the circumstances which otherwise would be more than enough to make me agree with the dear cousin, have no weight against this strong inclination and propensity; which, indeed, if it were weak and slight, would be of little account, but being powerful and firm, must be the foundation of your resolution.

If then the husband proposed to you is otherwise suitable — a good man, and of sympathetic humour, you may profitably accept him. I say sympathetic, because this bodily defect of yours* requires sympathy, as it requires you to compensate it by a great sweetness, a sincere love, and a very resigned humility — in short, true virtue and perfection of soul must cover all over the blemish of body.

I am much pressed for time, my dear daughter,

• Manquemeni de faille.

C and cannot say many things to you. I will end, then, by assuring you that I will ever recommend you to our Lord, that he may direct your life to his glory.

The state of marriage is one which requires more virtue and constancy than any other; it is a perpetual exercise of mortification; it will perhaps be so to you more than usual. You must then dispose yourself to it with a particular care, that from this thyme-plant, in spite of the bitter nature of its juice, you may be able to draw, and make the honey of a holy life. May the sweet Jesus be ever your sugar and your honey to sweeten your vocation; ever may he live and reign in our hearts. I am in him, &c.