Letter 141. To the Same

I HAVE received your two letters, my dear child, and I see plainly that all your trouble has been caused merely by mental disturbance arising from two unsatisfied longings. One was a desire to serve God, in the special occasion which presented itself; the other was a wish to know whether you had been faithful to your duty. Now you were eager and excited about both these matters, and so you became restless and disturbed, and hence all the trouble. Well, I have no doubt that you were faithful to your duty; your mind always leans to the side of severity, — and you were consequently not satisfied with what you did; and then being very anxious to fulfil a duty, and not able to satisfy yourself that you had so done, you became a prey to discouragement and melancholy. But now, my dear child, you must forget it all, and be cheerful, humbling yourself sincerely before our Lord, and remembering that your sex and position hinder you from dealing with external evils, save by setting a good example, or sometimes by using simple, humble, charitable remonstrances, or possibly through those set over the delinquents.

Remember this another time. Then, as a general rule, bear in mind that if we cannot feel sure whether we have done our duty in any particular matter, and are afraid lest we may have, offended God, we must humble ourselves, ask His Forgiveness, and pray for greater light another time. Then we must put it all away, and go on as usual; for an inquisitive, eager search as to whether we have acted rightly most assuredly comes from the spirit of self-love, which makes us want to know whether we are brave in the very thing concerning which God’s Love would have us say, Mere weak coward that I am, I humbly throw myself upon God’s Mercy, I ask His Pardon, I will strive to be more feithful, I will go on and seek to come nearer to Him."

I am content that you should not sleep as much as you would like, unless you really need the rest; but to prevent injury to your health, you must take rather more exercise instead of sleep. In this way you may cut off an hour’s sleep in the morning, not at night, and you will be all the better for it As to other austerities, do not impose anything extra upon yourself; your constitution and your position will not admit of it Nor do I approve any great retreat (from the world) at present. I would rather that you exercised your patience amid these contradictions without being discouraged, but taking great pains to bear them well. May God ever be our sole aim and object, my dear child. In Him, I am, wholly yours, &c.

1:799.1 CXLVL