Chapter II. Of Distrust of Ourselves

DISTRUST of yourself is so necessary in the spiritual combat, that without it you may be assured that you will neither gain the desired victory, nor be able to overcome even the weakest of your passions. You must be firmly convinced in your mind that this is the case, for we are too prone through our natural corruption to make a false estimate of ourselves; so that, though we are absolutely nothing, we persuade ourselves that we are something, and presume without the slightest foundation on our own strength.

This fault is one which it is not easy to discover, yet it is very offensive in the sight of God. For He desires and loves to see in us a loyal acknowledgment of this most certain truth, that He Alone is the Source of all good, and that all virtue and grace descend from Him to us, and that from ourselves nothing can come, not even a good thought, which would be worthy of His approval.

Yet, although this most necessary self-distrust is itself the work of the Divine Hand, and is wont to be bestowed by God upon His friends, sometimes by means of holy inspirations, sometimes by sharp chastisements, sometimes by violent and almost insurmountable temptations, at other times by ways not understood by us, nevertheless it is His will that we also, as far as we can, should do our part; I will therefore propose to you four means, by which, relying chiefly on God's assistance, you may be able to acquire self-distrust.

The first is, to meditate upon and to recognize your own vileness and nothingness, and the fact that of yourself you can do no good thing, whereby to deserve an entrance into the Heavenly Kingdom.

The second is, to seek from the Lord with fervent and humble prayers this self-distrust; seeing it is His gift. In order to obtain it, you must not only acknowledge that you are destitute of it, but also that you are wholly unable of yourself to gain it.

In this way, present yourself again and again before the Divine Majesty, with the assurance that of His goodness He will grant your request; endure the delay, however long, which His providence may appoint, and persevere; and without doubt you shall obtain it.

The third is, to live in continual fear of yourself, of your own judgment, of your great proneness to sin; and of the countless enemies, against whom you are of yourself utterly powerless, of their great experience in this warfare, their wiles, their capability of transforming themselves into angels of light, their innumerable snares and traps which they secretly spread in the very way itself of holiness.

The fourth is, that as soon as you have had any fall, you should enter at once more deeply and more consciously into the consideration of your own feebleness. It was for this purpose God permitted you to fall, that, being warned inwardly by inspiration, by a clearer light than before, you might, knowing yourself well, learn to despise yourself, and to regard yourself as something vile and of no account, and to be willing that others should view you in the same light. Otherwise you will never attain to a virtuous self-distrust, which is based on genuine humility and experimental self-knowledge, such as that we have spoken of.

This self-knowledge is clearly necessary for any one who seeks to have union with the supreme Light and uncreated Truth, and this the Divine Mercy teaches to the proud and to the presumptuous commonly through their falls; suffering them to fall into some sin, which they thought there was no chance of their doing, so that, gaining in this experimental way self-knowledge, they may learn to distrust themselves in every respect.

But the Lord has not recourse to so miserable a remedy as this, until milder means have been tried, and have failed to work all the good the Divine goodness had in view.

He permits a man to fall more or less in proportion to his pride and self-esteem; so that if there were no presumption, (as in the case of the Blessed Virgin Mary,) there would be no fall.

Therefore, when you happen to have a fall, betake yourself at once to the humble consideration of what you are, and earnestly seek from the Lord the true Light whereby you may know yourself, and entirely distrust yourself, if you do not want to fall again, and perhaps the next time into deeper sin.