Letter 18. To Doña Juana de Ahumada, at Alba de Tormes, Toledo, about the beginning of December, 1569

The Saint regrets her mability to help her sister in money matters.

Jesus be with you !

IT would be verv foolish of me to deprive you of the pleasure of a letter from me by not taking advantage of so sure a messenger. Blessed be our Lord Who has arranged matters so well: may He do the same for the rest!

Do you not notice how, although he did not wish it, my brother-in-law was forced to come here by indispensable business? He may even be obliged to visit Toledo a second time to fetch the money unless we can find some one to take it to him, and he will bring news of your son. Your affairs are prosperous now and you are happy; may

your soul prosper in proportion ! Go to confession before Christmas and pray for me.

Do you not realise that, do what I will, His Majesty will not allow me to be poor? I assure you that I am annoyed at it except that it prevents my feeling scrupulous when obliged to undertake some expensive work. This money will pay for some trifles I am sending you. I shall retain part, perhaps the larger part, for the use of the Order, and shall keep a stridl account of it, so that if any remains and I afterwards wish to spend money outside I need have no scruples. However, seeing to what a state of destitution the convent of the Incarnation is reduced, I can hold nothing back from it. However much I exert myself, I shall be unable to obtain fifty ducats for the matter I mentioned, which must be done, not by my own choice but because of its giving great glory to God, as it certainly will. May His Majesty have you in His keeping, make you holy, and give you a happy Christmas! [buenas Pascuas.

I dislike the contrails of which my brother speaks; they take him away from home and cost more than they gain, leaving you alone and making us all anxious. Let us wail and see what the Master will do for us. Try to content Him for He will see to your affairs, and do not forget that all things are passing, nor fear that your children will come to want if they are pleasing to His Majesty. Remember me to Beatriz. May God keep you all for me! Amen.

I ask you one thing as a charity — not to love me because I look after your worldly interests, but because I pray for you. For whatever Señor Godinez may say, I shall not concern myselt about anything else, and 'the matter pains me deeply. My soul obeys its one diredlor and is not at the mercy of every one's caprice. I tell you this in order that you may have an answer for whatever people may say. You must understand that, as the world goes now, and considering the position in which our Lord has placed me, the less people think that I do for you, the better for me, which is also consistent with the religious state. Had they the slightest suspicion that I am giving you these worthless trifles, people would most certainly say of me what they say of others, so now that vou tell me of that little afliair, we must be careful. Believe me, I love you dearly, and any small service I can render is done to please you. But let people know, when they complain of me, that whatever I possess must be given to the Order, to which it belongs, and what fault have they to find with that? Believe me, a person who lives before the public as I do must be very cautious even about how she practises the very virtues. You would not believe how hard I work, but since I do so tor God, He will take care of you and your affairs for my sake. May He protect you for me! I have been writing for a long while and the bell has rung for Matins. In fad:, whenever a novice brings any valuables with her I always think of you and Beatriz, but I have never dared to take anything, even though I paid for it with my own money. Yours,

Teresa de Jesus, Carmelite.