Letter 278. To Father Gracian, Avila, June 10, 1579

The Saint's wish for a separate province. 'Journey of the poor old crone' to Malagon. Her loneliness. Payment of money by Valladolid nuns.

JESUS!

MAY the grace of the Holy Spirit be with your Paternity, my Father, and may He have granted you this Whitsuntide all the graces and gifts you need to serve Him as you ought, in return for His having chosen you to help His people at such cost to yourself. Thank God for it! There certainly is much to reflect on and write about this history. Though 1 do not know the details about the conclusion, it must have been very satisfactory. At all events, if God allows us to have a separate province, none in Spain will have been granted with such deliberation and authority, which implies that He has destined the Discalced for a greater work than we imagine. May His Majesty spare Paul to us for many years that he may enjoy our prosperity and may work while I watch him from heaven, if I deserve to get there!

They have sent me the receipt from Valladolid. I am exceedingly glad that the money is being forwarded. God grant the business may be settled quickly, for though our present Superior is very good, he is not the man to clench the matter satisfactorily : in fa6l, he is only a substitute.

The enclosed letter will show your Paternity what is required of the poor old crone. It may be only suspicion, but it appears to me as though these brethren of mine were more anxious about getting me at a distance than about the needs of Malagon. I felt rather hurt though I do not mind going to Malagon. But I should not like to be made prioress, as I am not fit for it, and I should be afraid of failing in our Lord's service. Will your Paternity beg Him that I may always be perfedl in that, and then let come what may, for the more work, the greater gains.

In any case, will your Paternity tear up the enclosed letter. It is a great comfort that you are well, but I should not like you to be where you are now in the hot weather. Oh! My soul grows lonelier every day away from your Paternity, though it always seems to be near Father Joseph — and so life passes, with no earthly joys but in ceaseless torment. You ought not to belong to this world after the reasons for detachment God has given you, and the many means of keeping your mind in heaven. In fa(5l, the more I think over this trouble and the means God has taken to overcome it, the more I am lost in wonder. If He is pleased that

■ Fray Angel de Salazar. ' Our Lord.

these xA.ndalusians should be corre<fled in any way, I should look upon it as a special grace that it was not bv your hands, as it would not be right for vou to treat them severely though it would have benefited them. This has always been my wish. I was much pleased with what Father Nicolas wrote on the matter; I send you his letter.

All the sisters here beg for your prayers. They are deeply grieved at the thought of my leaving them: I will let you know what happens. Of vour charity, pray much for me. You will remember the complaints made about my journeys and who were their authors. What a life I lead! However that is of little consequence.

I wrote to the Father Vicar yesterday, stating that my inability to lead the community life would be a drawback to my being made Prioress, otherwise I should have no objection to be there: I would go to the end of the world under obedience. Indeed, I believe that the harder the work, the better I should be pleased at being able to render any trifling service to this great God to Whom I owe so much. I certainly think we serve Him better when we adl solely out of obedience. As for my Paul, I should be pleased to do anything that gave him pleasure.

I could tell him many things that would please him, but am afraid to trust them to a letter, especially those relating to my soul. I enclose these verses from the Incarnation to make you laugh — though there is more cause for tears at the present state of the house. These poor nuns try to cheer each other. They would be very sorry if I left Avila, as they still have hopes (which I share) that matters may come right with their convent.

The sisters at Valladolid were happy to send the two hundred ducats, and so was the Prioress. She would have borrowed them if need be, and has given me the quittance for the whole four hundred. I was highly gratified, as she is really fond of amassing money for her house. But I wrote her such a letter ! I was amused and astonished at seeing how Dona Juana understood her chara6ter, for she wrote telling me that she felt misgivings because the Prioress had forwarded the money without a word. To tell the truth, I have always found Mother Baptist very well disposed as regards Maria de San Jose which proves her liking for your Paternity.

May God have you in His keeping, my Father! Amen, amen.

Remember me kindly to the Father Re6lor and to the father who wrote to me the other day. Yesterday was the last day of Whitsuntide. I have not come to my last day even yet!

Your Paternity's unworthy servant, Teresa de Jesus.