Letter 366. To Father Gracian, Valladolid, Palencia, May 24, 1581

The Saint feels hurt at his leaving Palencia instead of accompanying her to Soria. Vocation of “fuan Diaz. Hts manuscripts of Blessed Sohn of Avila’s sermons. St. Teresa’s loneliness.

» JESUS"

May the Holy Ghost be with your Reverence, my Father.

TO FATHER GRACIAN 171 and expected to feel sorry when it was over, as has happened before when I had the travelling companion to whom I was looking forward. God be praised! for I seem beginning to be weary already.

I own to you, my Father, that, after all, the flesh is weak, and it grieved me more than I liked, for I was very sad. At least, your Reverence might have stayed until you saw us established in our convent, for a week sooner or later could have made no difference to you. IJ am extremely lonely here: God grant that he who hurried you away may manage our affairs better than I expeét. God deliver me from such haste! Father Doria will find fault with us afterwards.

To tell the truth, I cannot write well now for I feel little taste for letters. My only relief is from the fear I might have felt, indeed, I did feel it, lest this Sanéta Sanétorum’ should be injured. I assure you that I am strongly tempted on this point. Instead of that, let all the rain fall on me—and it does rain in torrents.

This last downpour has hurt me, and everything will be distasteful to me, for in truth the soul suffers when one who governs and comforts it is absent. May all this render service to God, and then we cannot complain, however keen the pain.

You must know that when your Reverence was here, I said nothing to you about the affair of Father Juan Diaz, thinking that, if I waited until your

St. Teresa had expected that Father Gracian would remain at Palencia and accompany her to Soria, instead of which he left to found the college at Valladolid, appointing Father Doria as her companion in his stead.

8 se Santa Santorum. The Saint’s name for Father Gracian.

return, I should have had more time to pray about it. Tt has weighed on my mind heavily ever since I knew you would not come back, as he begged me earnestly to speak to you on the matter, and came to see me for no other reason. The fact is that he has almost made up his mind to change his state of life and to enter either our Order or the Society. Hesays that he has lately felt more inclined towards the Discalced, and asks us to advise and pray for him. I think, as I told him, that he would do well to join us if he perseveres, otherwise it would do great harm by discrediting the books he is bringing out. That is my opinion, though I feel the more reassured about it because he has served our Lord faithfully for many years: in fa@ he will suffer in many ways and will end well if he takes either course.5

_He promises to give all the manuscripts of the Maestro John of Avila to whichever place he enters, If the whole of these works are like the portion he gave me. to read, the publication of these sermons would do great good to people who are not as learned theologians as your Reverence. Juan Diaz would set a good example wherever he was, but there is much to be said for and against the change. I will consult Father Nicolas about it. I mention it now in case Father Tuan Diaz should not have us your blessing and commend us much to His Majesty. May He guard and dire@ you. Amen.

You must know that the nuns of Valladolid stand strangely in awe of their Prioress and are accustomed to mention nothing about their community to the superiors of the Order. The help the Sisters are given by the students should be inquired into.

The unworthy servant and daughter of your Reverence, Teresa de Jesus.

UCCUXXXIIT