The Divine Call

She resolves to give herself wholly to God — Her vow of virginity — Her home — Her vocation is tested — Her sister pleads for her — Elizabeth's diary.

" I shall be a nun ! I will be a nun !" the child of seven had said. She could not understand how people could give themselves to God by halves. Her conversion started her on the way of perfection.

" I was naturally very gay and fond of pleasure," she said, when recalling her childhood. " Yet even at that age I was afraid of worldly amusements lest they should win my heart. However, my resolution of giving myself wholly to God preserved me from being drawn away by enjoyment. . . . When I was invited to children's parties, before starting I used to shut myself in my room and pray for some little time, for, knowing the eagerness of my nature, I watched myself carefully."

Her determination to belong wholly to God had at first but a vague tendency towards perfection.

" I cannot remember when Elizabeth first confided to me her desire of consecrating herself to our Lord," states an intimate friend ; " but while still very young her favourite amusement was playing at being a nun :

that was her one idea, and I never knew her swerve from it. She told me one evening that she wanted to join the Trappists, for the Carmelites did not seem austere enough. . . ."

She made her choice later on. " She was hardly fourteen," says Madame , " when I found her one day looking sad and thoughtful, her lovely eyes fixed on heaven, as if in prayer. I went to her and asked why she looked so mournful, while she had everything in life to make her happy. f Madame, I am thinking how joyful I shall be when I enter Carmel ; and the time seems to me to pass very slowly, for I should like to be already given to God's service/ I laughed at her premature decision, explaining to her that she could love and serve God in the world while showing care and affection for her devoted mother. She waited until I had finished and answered : ' God wants me for Himself. Mamma will understand my wish. She will be glad at my leaving her, since it will make me happy. Besides, I shall love her just as well.' "

Elizabeth tells why she decided upon entering Carmel. She writes :

" I had a great love for prayer, and such love for the good God that, even before my first Communion, I could not understand giving one's heart to another ; henceforth I resolved to keep my love and life for Him alone.

"When I was fourteen, one day, during my thanksgiving after Holy Communion, I felt irresistibly urged to choose Him for my Bridegroom, and I bound myself to Him by a vow of virginity. We did not speak to one another," she said, " but gave ourselves to each other with such fervent love that

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THE DIVINE CALL i7 my resolution of being wholly His was stronger than ever. Once after Holy Communion I heard the word Carmel pronounced within my soul, and henceforth my one desire was to be hidden behind its grille."

Six years passed before her wish was fulfilled. Long and weary years of waiting for her, but passing rapidly and fraught with blessing for her mother and her sister Marguerite. What reverence she showed her mother ! After hearing a sermon on the education of children, she wrote : " I thanked God from the bottom of my heart for having given me such a mother, gentle but strict, who has known how to overcome my most evil character."

She played her part of elder sister charmingly. <c She taught as much by her good example as by her sterling advice and good judgment," declares Marguerite. She continues : "One day, when Elizabeth was twelve or thirteen years old, she said to me on leaving some service at our parish church : * I heard the good God tell me not to use two chairs in church ; it is not right to be so comfortable.' I laughed, and told her that it did not matter to the good God whether she had one or two chairs. Later on I understood how my angelic sister lived in dependence on divine grace, and the secret of her rapid progress in perfection stood revealed. Even before that age her conduct proved that her heart was already filled with divine love. One day, when quite a little child, she exclaimed on passing a theatre : 1 Oh, how I should like to be an actress !' ' What, Elizabeth ! You wish to be an actress ? someone exclaimed in surprise. ' Yes/ she said ; i because then there would be at least one person there who loved God f Her one aim in life was to love God and to make Him loved. She watched over me lest my soul should offer some obstacle to His action within it, and tried to correct me of shyness, as being a want of simplicity caused by self-love.,,

Self-denial had become so habitual to her as apparently to require no constraint ; indeed, she showed a pleasure never evinced save by the thought that she could make a fresh sacrifice, a fresh act of love, or give some joy to others.

Her friends bear the same testimony to her goodness. " I never heard her speak ill of anyone," writes one of them ; " nor did she give praise that was undeserved. She knew how to discover good in everybody, without denying any weak points. Her tact equalled her charity, and her indulgence never prevented her from showing firmness when occasion required."

Elizabeth wished to die young.¹ She cared for nothing in this world, yet dreaded the particular judgment, and never went to sleep at night without preparing herself for death as if she were to die before morning. Her fear was soon to be succeeded by the most glowing love.

"A tender devotion for St. Catharine of Siena," we are told by another correspondent, <c led her to imitate the Dominican's continual retirement within the little cell of her heart, where she delighted in keeping beside her Divine Master, offering Him the flowers of her sacrifices. I often witnessed her efforts to hide some pain, or to repress impatience or a sharp word," continues the same narrator.

THE DIVINE CALL i9

A note by Elizabeth reveals the secret of her victories. " When a remark that seems unjust is made to me, nature so rebels against it that the blood seems to boil in my veins. . . . To-day I have had the joy of offering my Jesus several sacrifices connected with my besetting fault. How dear they cost me ! It proves how weak I am, yet Jesus was with me ; I heard His voice in the depths of my heart, and I was ready to bear anything for love of Him."

Jesus indeed lived and reigned in her virgin heart ; His presence was evident to those around her. "Something I cannot describe seemed to emanate from her," declares another friend ; " it was so pure, so ardent — yet so gentle ; sweet and simple as the perfume of virtue itself."

These few accounts suffice to sketch the character of the child, who was really wholly possessed by God, as was evident from her candid, serious expression, her modest, recollected mien. The soul of the " little saint " was revealed in all her being and actions, even to the very music she performed, into which she put a feeling that was more and more remarkable. " No one can interpret the great masters as she does," people said; "she has the soul for it." And they felt that her soul was alien to this world.

Whence did she obtain this genius for interpretation ? She reveals her secret in a letter she writes about a child who was afraid to play at a musical performance : " I shall pray that God may penetrate Madeleine, even to the tips of her tiny ringers ; then I defy anyone to rival her. Do not let her feel nervous ; I will tell her mv secret : to forget those who are listening, and to imagine herself alone with the Divine Master ; then the instrument will give forth full and strong, yet sweet notes. Oh, how I used to love speaking thus to Him !M

Such a soul was indeed not made for this world, and no wonder she used to exclaim, when speaking of this epoch of her life : " The world frightened me !" We have seen how, while very young, when she was going to a children's party, she " watched carefully over her heart." We know how vigilantly, and with what jealous care and delicacy, the faithful, fervent girl kept guard over herself until she entered Carmel.

u The struggle was over by the time I was eighteen," she said. " When 1 went into society the thought of the presence of the Divine Master and of Holy Communion next day so absorbed my thoughts that I was oblivious of all around me."

Madame X relates that once, in the midst of the gayest of parties, she was so struck by the girl's expression that she could not resist saying to her: "Elizabeth, your mind is centred on God." The young girl only smiled in reply. Madame Catez, whose attention had been attracted by her daughter's face in the midst of the gaiety round her, realized that her child's heart was elsewhere. Besides, Elizabeth's longings were not hidden from her. How could she forget the lines she had read in her diary : " O Carmel ! When will your doors open to me ?" Henceforth the mother's conviction of the sacrifice demanded of her never left her mind.

In 1897 the Abbe S changed his residence, and before leaving spoke to her seriously of

Elizabeth's vocation, pleading her cause, and striving to avert the delay likely to occur. Although Madame Catez submitted to the will of God, she wished first to test the vocation, and to let it develop.

One of the most severe trials the poor girl had to undergo was her privation of the intercourse with Carmel which would have consoled and strengthened her while she waited. She accepted it in her usual spirit of obedience, and calmly aquiesced in all the wishes of her mother, in whom she felt absolute confidence.

She went next summer with her mother and sister into Lorraine, where for three weeks there was a succession of continual gaiety. Elizabeth's dress, faultless in its elegant simplicity and absence of all that was studied or pretentious, gave evidence of her perfect taste. Her sweet and gracious manners led no one to suspect that she was about to enter the cloister.

On leaving Lorraine she went to the camp of Chalons, where she excited the same admiration in military circles ; but though many hopes were raised by her charms, she never forsook her higher ideal.

Her mother silently esteemed her exceptional goodness, yet still nourished faint hopes. However, she decided on leaving the decision as regards the future to the judgment of a priest in whom she felt full confidence. # entered Carmel. He soon recognized her divine vocation, and when, at the moment of separation, the poor mother begged for another year's delay, he persuaded her to complete the sacrifice at once.²

Madame Catez learnt one day, while discussing her doubts with her second daughter, that Elizabeth was more desirous than ever to become a nun, and was at that very time making a novena to our Lady to obtain the longed-for permission. Marguerite generously pleaded the cause which was a sore trial to her heart, to her mother, who, overcome by her persuasion, sent for her elder daughter. The touching scene that followed is described by Elizabeth :

"Sunday, May 26, 1899. — O Mary, thou hast heard my prayers ; continue to protect me !

"Marguerite has again touched upon the subject of my vocation. Mamma answered that I was to think no more about it, and that she would not be the first to mention it. However, after lunch my poor mother questioned me. When she saw that I had not changed my mind she cried bitterly and told me that she would not prevent my quitting her when I was twenty-one ; that I had only two years to wait, and that I could not conscientiously leave my sister before then.

" How 1 admire her resignation ! Mary must have gained this grace for me, for my mother has never spoken so before. When I saw them both crying, I, too, shed tears. O my Jesus ! were it not Thou who callest and dost succour me, did I not see Thee above those I love so well holding out Thine arms to me, my heart must break. There is nothing I would not do to spare them a single tear . . . yet it is I who cause them such bitter sorrow ! O my Master ! I feel that Thou dost call me and give me strength and courage, for in the midst of all my pain I feel an infinite peace. Yes,

I will answer Thy summons soon ; during these two years I will strive more keenly to become a bride less unworthy of Thee, O my Beloved !

u I seem to be dreaming ! It is too much to believe that Thou keepest such happiness in store for such a wicked, miserable creature I May est Thou be for ever blessed for it ! And now, O Thou Who canst compensate my heart for all the rest, burn and uproot all that displeases Thee in me ! I thank thee, Mary . . . continue the work thou hast begun ; uphold my mother in her noble courage ; reward my dearest little sister, whose only thought is for my happiness. Give them strength and fortitude ; make them understand that, in spite of all my love for them, I am ready to leave them for my Jesus. Let them recognize that it is He Who calls me, that it is for Him I sacrifice them. ... O my Beloved ! uphold them and her who is dying with love for Thee and who can find no fitting words to thank Thee f

Her prayer was heard, and the two generous souls made rapid progress in the ways of God. Meanwhile Elizabeth's only thought was how best to profit by the delay her ardent longings found so wearisome. "Since Jesus does not want me yet," she wrote, " may His will be done ! Let me sanctify myself in the world, and let it not keep me from Him ; nor may any earthly vanities amuse or hinder me. I am j the bride of Jesus ! We are closely bound to one ( another ; nothing can sunder us. May I be ever worthy of my heavenly Bridegroom and not squander His graces, but enjoy the happiness of proving to Him how I love Him I"

Her journal reveals her constant faithfulness, and shows how seriously she applied herself to the work of her sanctification.

In this account-book of her conscience her efforts are consigned as deposits and her deficits humbly noted. Things are set down just as they come, with simplicity and with deepest love. She longs to please Him Who has won her affections and chosen her for Himself, and to console the Divine Heart for the outrages over which she mourns with Him. Knowing that the Christian virtues alone can prove that love is genuine, she strives zealously and perseveringly to acquire the perfection of which she is to make definite profession at Carmel.

Elizabeth destroyed these private papers on the eve of her entering the cloister, thinking that they would be of no interest to any one. Besides, she wished to disappear completely, buried behind the grating, leaving the mother and sister she loved so tenderly nothing but the assurance of an affection that was to endure throughout eternity.

One manuscript book alone escaped the flames. She had not noticed it, as it principally contained notes upon her reading and instructions ; it continues, in another form, the history of her private life :

" I am reading St. Teresa's c Way of Perfection,' and am delighted with the book, which is doing me great good. The Saint speaks so well about interior mortification — the mortification which, by the help of God, I mean to master. I cannot, for the present, inflict great sufferings upon myself, but I can sacrifice my will each minute."

Again : " My director spoke to me to-day about interior mortification. God led him to do so when 1 needed it. . . . I have been working so hard at it since my retreat. I am to understand that the bodily suffering for which I long is but a means, excellent in itself, for attaining interior mortification and complete detachment from self. Jesus, my Love, my Life, help me ! It is absolutely necessary for me to attain to the crossing of my will in all things.

"I cannot express what good this book of St. Teresa's does me. How well she speaks to her daughters of Carmel concerning friendship I What true and perfect friendship it is when a person in the world, or a nun, strives for the spiritual progress of her neighbour ! Such a friendship is a thousand times more precious than the worldly one shown by affectionate speeches, which are a great deal too common, the Saint declares.

" O my Jesus ! I see that I have loved creatures too well ; I have given myself up to them too much and wished inordinately for their affection ; or rather,³⁴⁵

" I went to confession yesterday and told my confessor of my resolutions and the graces which God has showered upon me during these last few days. He advised me to accuse myself in each confession of my failures in keeping my resolutions, which, he declared, would help me to make progress; and I desire to make great progress, O my Jesus, that Thou mayest love me more ! For I am envious of Thy love, and I love Thee so dearly that sometimes I think I am dying of it."

The following lines testify to Elizabeth's strong filial affection. In her zeal for perfection she had made a plan of which her mother disapproved, upon which she at once yielded without demur. " Mamma does not like it," she said, " so I shall say no more about it."

In another place she writes : " I should have liked to go to Holy Communion again to-day, which would have been four days running, but it was too much happiness. ... As I saw that it annoyed mamma, I made the great sacrifice and offered it to Jesus.

" I thought of mamma when the preacher said : 'Poor mothers, from whom God asks your sons or daughters, come and draw strength and courage from Him.' " She said after a sermon : " I beg Thee, my Jesus, to support her ; it is painful to see her sorrow."

In 1899 Madame Catez had a dangerous illness. In her anxiety Elizabeth rose during the night to listen whether her mother still breathed, wishing to know the truth, however painful it might be. Prayer was her chief resource, and God granted her petition. * At last mamma is well again," she cried delightedly.

THE DIVINE CALL cc What a trial didst Thou send me, O good Master, and yet I thank Thee for it, for it was Thy means of detaching me from earthly things and attaching me entirely to Thee — to Thee alone for Whom I long to suffer and to die I"

Elizabeth's affection for her mother was to undergo a trial of another kind, of which her diary gives the history : " O Jesus, keep my heart, for it is Thine ! I gave it Thee, and it is mine no longer. Mamma came home very late this morning in a state of great excitement. She had been spoken to about a marriage for me — a splendid match, such a chance as I should never have again. She went to consult my confessor about it, and he advised her to tell me about the proposal and its advantages, saying that it would test me and that I ought to consider the matter ; that he would give no opinion about it, but that no interview ought to be arranged without my consent. My heart is no longer free — I have given it to the King of kings, and it is mine to dispose of no more. I hear in my heart the voice of my Beloved : c My bride, you refuse all earthly honour to follow Me ; like Me, you shall meet with sorrow and the cross ; you will have much to suffer, and you could not bear it were I not beside you to support you. Even the spiritual consolations so dear to the soul will be withdrawn from you. What trials those have to bear who follow Me ! Yet what sweetness and joy I will make you taste in your tribulations ! The part I have chosen for you is by far the better one, nor should I have kept it for you had I not loved you dearly. Do you feel that you love your Jesus well enough to accept these sufferings for Him ? Will you console Me ? I am so abandoned, daughter ; do not forsake Me ! I covet your heart, I love it, and have chosen it for My own ! I long for the day when you will be wholly Mine ! Guard well your heart for Me !'

"Yes, my Love, my Life, Bridegroom whom I adore ! Yes, I am ready to follow Thee upon the path of sacrifice. Thou foretellest the troubles I shall meet with, Jesus. We will walk together ! 1 shall be strong if I follow in Thy footsteps. I thank Thee for having chosen a poor little creature like myself to console Thee ; Thou didst know that I would not forsake Thee, for I should be more guilty than the wretched men who crucified Thee twenty centuries ago. O supreme Love ! I am wholly Thine ; but uphold me, for without Thee I am capable of any crime or baseness. My mother is wonderfully good ; it is a miracle worked by Mary, for she does not even try to shake my resolution. When she asked me to reflect, I told her that my answer would be the same a week later as to-day but that if she wished it, I would consent to her deferring the answer. She understands me at last ! c It would have been a comfort to me/ she replied ; c but God wills that it should be otherwise. May His will be done !' "

ELIZABETH ON THE DAY OF HER FIRST COMMUNION.

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Footnotes

1. When she was fourteen she asked one of her little friends to accompany her to the sanctuary of Notre Dame d'Etang in Burgundy to obtain this favour. ↩

2. The Chanoine G was Elizabeth's director until she ↩

3. my good Master ! I immolate this will to Thee ; make it one with Thine. I promise Thee I will make every effort to be faithful to my resolution of renouncing self in all things. I do not always find it easy, but with Thee, O my Strength and my Life, is not victory certain ?* ↩

4. have not understood what Christian love is. But now I realize that I owe it to Thee alone, and, above all, I desire the love of none but Thee, Thou Beloved of my heart ! ↩

5. Elizabeth regularly attended the retreats given by the Jesuit Fathers. She prepared herself most fervently, and eagerly assimilated the lucid teaching of the Exercises, which enlightened and strengthened her in her struggle for perfection. Her resolutions that year were inspired by the agendo contra, which roused her generous soul to enthusiasm. She took St. Ignatius' terse maxim for her motto : " Renounce and oppose self-will in all things" — a plan of courageous abnegation by which her heart continued to rise to higher degrees. ↩