38 — TRUST AND ABANDONMENT

Presence of God. — Into Your hands, O Lord, I abandon myself with full trust.

Meditation

1 — “Many desire to go forward [in the spiritual way] and with great insistence ask God to draw them and make them pass to this state of perfection [the state of union]; but when He begins to lead them through the first travails and mortifications, as is necessary, they do not feel capable of passing through them, they withdraw, fleeing from the narrow way of life and seeking the broad way of their own consolation” (G.C. F. 2, 27). This is the reason why many souls do not arrive at union with God: they do not wish to tread the way of the cross, the only one that leads to it.

You too desire to attain divine union, but perhaps you too thought of arriving at it by a comfortable, luminous, joyful way, by the way of successes, where one proceeds from victory to victory, where one enjoys abundant spiritual consolations, where one finds the applause, the support, the esteem of men. But now you have certainly understood that one must take quite another way: narrow way, dark, in which the soul discovers all its misery, in which it experiences all its impotence, in which the comfort of God and of men is lacking. Well, know that you must accept to proceed by this road for all that time that shall please God. How many months, how many years will suffice? God alone knows it. Very often He retains souls long in the tenebrous night of the spirit; indeed, one can well say that in general there is always a little night while one lives down here. The most wise party to which to have recourse is, then, that of remitting yourself completely to the dispositions of God, without placing any limit either concerning the duration, or concerning the kind of trials. God knows what is most convenient for you; He, who knows perfectly the weaknesses and necessities of your spirit, will know how to dose the cure suited to heal your ills. Have no haste, but have instead much patience and thus you will not expose yourself to delusions. Let it be longanimous and trusting patience because it is a question of suffering, it is true, but it is not a question of sufferings that come to you from an enemy, but rather from your greatest Friend, from God who loves you much more than you can love yourself, who wills your good, your happiness, who desires your sanctification much more than you yourself can desire it. Trust in Him and you shall not be confounded; trust with closed eyes and you shall have nothing to fear.

2 — The most suitable moments for demonstrating to God that you trust blindly in Him, that you wish to abandon yourself to Him without reserve, are precisely those of the tenebrous night of the spirit. Even if it seems to you that everything crumbles beneath your steps, even if the tempest overwhelms you to the point of making you feel tempted against faith and hope, you must not fear because in this night you find yourself in a wholly particular manner under the action of the Holy Spirit. It is He who with the living flame of His love puts to fire and sword your soul to purify it, but at the same time He Himself covers it with His shadow infusing into it secretly the strength to resist and dosing the suffering so that it does not surpass its capacity. Fear not, you are in good hands, you are protected by the shadow of the Most High and no evil can happen to you, provided you adhere willingly and docilely to His purifying action. Accept and repeat continually your “fiat”; this the Lord wishes from you in such a state, and you must do even in the midst of the most violent tempests. This pure and simple adherence of the will will hook you to God, will anchor you in Him, hindering your shipwreck. It matters not if you know not how to do and say more, it matters not if you are incapable of long prayers; even Jesus in the garden of olives did nothing but repeat this sole protest: “Father... let Your will be done” (Mt. 26, 42). This too be your prayer, prayer more of the heart than of the lips, profound attitude of pure adherence to the will of God in which you must immerse yourself with all the strength of your spirit. Such adherence must become so strong, so full, so filial and trusting as to transform itself into a prolonged act of abandonment: “Father, into Your hands I commend my spirit” (Lc. 23, 46). Even Jesus formulated this act in the midst of dismay and desolation, dismay and desolation infinitely greater than those that you can experience. Unite yourself to Jesus agonizing, lean on Him and in Him you will find the strength to accept and to resist. Fixing your gaze on Jesus crucified, who reconciled and united the human race with the divine Father through His Passion and Death, you will understand ever better that “union with God does not consist in joys or feelings or delights of spirit, but in a living death of the cross, sensible and spiritual, interior and exterior” (G.C. S. II, 7, 11).

Colloquy

“Where is, O my God, the sun of Your grace? It seems to me obscured; Your goodness seems to me wholly withdrawn from my soul. Now am I abandoned like a body which, having no member, cannot help itself, or like a sterile trunk, for, Your grace being withdrawn from me, I cannot help myself. O my God, stretch forth over me Your right hand and give me strength.

“O Eternal Father, if Your Word be with me, who can contradict me? Who can move me, much less cast me down and conquer me? The tempests will beat upon the bark, but not upon the innermost part of the heart. If they wish to give pain they will give it, and I willingly accept it because thus You will, but they will never be able to inquiet the soul always abandoned to Your good pleasure. I will quiet every disturbance thinking that these travails come from Your will and I will immerse myself in the baseness of my being. If these pains plunge me into hell, they will raise me to heaven with Your aid, and in Your name I shall overcome every struggle.

“Nevertheless I know my fragility and during this trial, brief or long, as it pleases You, while many battles arise, I know well what I shall have to do; I will trust in You and shall not fall for ever” (St. M. Magdalene de’ Pazzi).

“Master holy, make that in imitation of You, the divine good pleasure be my nourishment, my daily bread; make that in Your image, O adored Christ, I let myself be immolated by all the wills of the Father. If at times His wills are more crucifying, without doubt I can repeat with You: ‘Father, if it be possible, let this chalice pass from Me’; but I shall add at once: ‘not as I will, but as You will,’ and with strength and with calm I shall ascend also my calvary together with You, divine Crucified One! I shall ascend singing interiorly to the Father a hymn of thanksgiving, because those who go by this dolorous way are those ‘whom He has known and predestined to be conformed to the image of His divine Son,’ crucified for love” (E.T. I, 3 and 8).