Letter XXII. To a Lady

The Saint gives Tier advice on the marriage of her daughter, congratulates her on the virtues of her husband, and speaks of balls. Distant pilgrimages not suitable for women.

After the 8th Ajwil, 1611. It has been to me a great satisfaction to learn a little more fully than usual the news about you, my dearest sister, my child. Though I have not had enough leisure to talk with Madame de Chantal, so as to inquire as particularly as I wished about all your affairs (about which I think you have communicated with her, as with a most intimate friend), still she told me that you walk faithfully in the fear of our Lord, which is the staple of my consolation, since my soul desires so much good to your dearest soul

Regarding the marriage of that dear daughter whom I love very much, I cannot well give you advice, not knowing the kind of gentleman who seeks her hand. For what your husband says is true, that he might perchance change all the bad habits which you notice in him; that is, supposing him to be of good natural disposition, and only spoilt by youth or bad company. But if he is of an ill-disposed nature, as only too clearly seems the case, certainly it is tempting God to risk a daughter in his hands, with the uncertain and doubtful presumption of his amendment. And this particularly, if the child is young and herself in need of guidance; in which case, unable to contribute anything towards the amendment of the young man, yea, there being fear rather that one will be cause of ruin to the other, what is there in all this but evident danger? Now, your husband is very sensible, and assures me that he will consider all carefully, in which you will help him: and as for me, I will pray, according to your desire, that it may please God to direct well that dear child, that she may live and grow old in his fear.

As for taking this young girl to balls often or seldom, as she will go with you, it is of little consequence.* Your prudence must judge of that by your own eyes, and according to circumstances; but as you wish to marry her, and she inclines the same

• It must be noticed here that the Saint is not stating his general doctrine about balls, but saying that a certain lady, a most intimate friend of S. Chantal, might lawfully take her daughter to assemblies of which he knew the exact character. His general doctrine is given in the 33rd Chapter of the 3rd Part of the Introduction, which, he thus sums up in the Preface to the Amour: "In that passage I have declared the extreme peril of dances." — (Translator's Note.)

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98.5V. Francis de Sales.

way, there is no harm in taking her just as often as is enough and not too much. If I mistake not, this child is lively, vigorous, and of a nature somewhat ardent. Well, now that her mind begins to develop, you must put quietly and sweetly into it the beginnings and first seeds of true glory and virtue, not by reproving her with bitter words, but by continually admonishing her with sensible and kind words on all occasions. And these you must get repeated to her by forming for her good friendships with well-disposed and sensible girls.

Madame de N. has told me that as regards your exterior and the propriety of your house, you get on very nicely; and both she and my brother De Thorens have told me something which fills me with joy: namely, that your husband gains ever a higher and nobler reputation for being a good magistrate; firm, equitable, laborious in the duty of his office, and in all things living and behaving as a very good man and good Christian. I promise you, my dear child, that I felt a thrill of joy at this account, for this is a great and splendid blessing. Amongst other things he told me that he always begins his day by assisting at Holy Mass, and that when opportunity offers he shows worthy and becoming zeal for the holy Catholic religion. May God be always at his right hand, that he may never change but from better to better. You are, then, very happy, my dear child, to have both temporal and spiritual blessings on your house.

The journey to Loretto is a great journey for women: I advise you often to make it in spirit, joining by intention your prayers to that great multitude of pious persons who go thither to honour the mother of God, as to the place where first the incomparable honour of that maternity came to her. But as you have no vow which obliges you to go there in body, I do not advise you to undertake it: though indeed I advise you to be more and more zealous in devotion to this Holy Lady, whose intercession is so powerful and so useful to souls, that for my part I esteem it the greatest help that we can have for our progress in true piety towards God; and I can say this from knowing several remarkable exemplifications of it. May the name of this Holy Virgin be for ever blessed and praised! Amen.

As for your alms, my dear daughter, make them always somewhat liberal and in good measure, yet with the discretion which formerly I have told you of or written about: for if what you put into the bosom of the earth is returned to you with usury by its fertility, be sure that what you put into the bosom of God will be infinitely more fruitful, in one way or another; that is to say, that God will reward you in this world either by giving you more wealth, or more health, or more contentment. Your, &c.

ioo St. Francis de Sales.