Letter X. To one of his Cousins

On the way we are to act when livinp with our parents.

10th November, 1616. I still want leisure to write to you, my dearest child, although I answer your letter tardily.

Well, now, here you are in your establishment, and you cannot alter it; you must be what you are, mother of a family, since you have a husband and children. And you must be so with good heart, and with love of God, yea for the love of God (as I say clearly enough to Philothea), without troubling or disquieting yourself any more than you can help.

But I see well, dear daughter, that it is a little uncomfortable to have the charge of the housekeeping in a house where your father and mother are; for I have never seen that fathers, and still less mothers, leave the entire management to the daughters, although sometimes they should do. For my part I counsel you to do as gently and nicely as you can that which is recommended, never breaking peace with this father and this mother. It is better that things should not go perfectly well in order that those to whom you have so many duties may be content.

And then, unless I deceive myself, your character is not made for fighting. Peace is better than a fortune. What you see can be done with love you must do: what can only be done with discussion must be left alone, when there is question of persons so greatly to be respected. I have no doubt there will be aversions and repugnances in your spirit; but, my dearest daughter, these are so many occasions to exercise the true virtue of sweetness: for we must do well and holily and lovingly what we owe to every one, though it may be against the grain, and without relish.

Here, my dearest daughter, is what I can tell you for the present, adding only that I conjure you to believe firmly that I cherish you with a perfect and truly paternal dilection, since it has pleased God to give you so complete and filial a confidence in me: so then continue, my dearest child, to love me cordially.

Make well holy prayer; often throw your heart into the hands of God, rest your soul in his love, and put your cares under his protection, whether for the voyage of your dear husband, or for your other affairs. Do what you can, and the rest leave to God, who will do it sooner or later, according to the disposition of his divine providence. To sum up, be ever all yS St. Francis de Sales.

God's, my dearest daughter, and I am in him, all your, &c.