Chapter X. That the Servant of God must not be Discouraged, though he feel within himself some Repugnance and Disquiet as to this Peace

EXPECT often to feel disturbed, and deprived of this holy and sweet solitude, and precious liberty; for from the emotions of your heart, a cloud of dust will sometimes arise, which will give you much trouble on the road you have to go. God permits this for your greater good. Remember that this is the war in which the Saints have carried off crowns of great merit. In all the things which disturb you, say—"Behold, Lord, Thy servant; let Thy Will be done in me. I know and confess that the truth of Thy Word shall stand fast for ever; and Thy promises are sure, and in them do I trust. Behold Thy creature; do with me what Thou wilt. I have nothing, my God, that holds me back. I am Thine alone."

Happy is the soul which thus offers itself to its Lord, every time it is troubled and disturbed. And if the struggle last long, and you cannot as quickly as you would wish bring your will into conformity with the Will of God, be not on this account discouraged or bewildered: persevere in self-oblation and prayer, and you shall gain the victory.

Look at Christ's conflict in the Garden, and how His Humanity recoiled from it, saying, "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me." But at once He placed His soul in solitude, and with a will free and detached, said with deep humility,—"Nevertheless, not My will, but Thine be done." 'See and act according to this pattern.' Do not move a step, when you find yourself in any difficulty, until you have raised your eyes to Christ on the Cross; for there you will see written and stamped in large characters, how you ought to act. Copy faithfully this Example. Be not dismayed, if sometimes your own love of self disturbs you; do not leave the cross, but return to prayer, and persevere in lowliness till you have lost your own will, and will only that God's Will may be done in you. And if, when you leave off praying, you have gathered only this one fruit, be contented; but if you have not achieved this, your soul will remain empty and hungry. Strive not to brood over any thing, even for a short time, but to let God Alone dwell in your heart.

Do not harbour a feeling of gall or bitterness towards any thing or person, and do not let your eyes rest on the malice and bad example of others, but be like a little child, who has no consciousness of these bitter feelings, and passes through the midst of them offenceless.