Chapter XIV. Of the Remedy which we ought to use, so as not to be disquieted under Faults and Infirmities

IF sometimes you should fall into some sin or negligence in word or deed, such as disturbing yourself at any thing which happens to you, or murmuring, or listening to murmuring, or falling into some dispute or irritation, or curiosity, or suspicion of others, or into any other fault, whether it be one or many falls; in a certain way you ought not to be disturbed nor disheartened nor saddened at the thought of what has happened, nor be confounded within yourself; at one time, believing that you will never be free from such infirmities; at another, that your faults and irresolution are the cause of them; or again, imagining that you are not walking in the spirit and way of the Lord; and thus with a thousand other fears, pressing down your soul at every step with discontent and cowardice. Hence it follows, that you feel ashamed to present yourself before God, or you do so in a spirit of distrust, as though you had not preserved that faith in Him which is His due; and, as a remedy, you waste time in pondering over these things, scrutinizing how much you harboured the thought, and whether you consented to it; whether it was voluntary or not, or was at once put away. And, from taking the wrong road, the more you think of it, the less you are able to make up your mind about it, and the more your weariness and perplexity increase, and your anxiety to confess it; and so you go to confession with a tedious fear, and, after having lost much time in making your confession, your spirit is even more uneasy than it was before it, for fear that you have not told all; thus your life is one spent in bitterness and anxiety, with little fruit, and with the loss in a great measure of its reward.

And all this comes from not knowing your own natural weakness, and the way the soul should treat with God. For after having fallen into all the faults we have enumerated, or into any others, we may more easily treat with God by a humble and loving conversion, than by the spirit of grief and discontent at the fault itself, in the case of the examination into venial and ordinary sins, to which alone I now allude. For it is only into such sins as these a soul is wont to fall, which lives in the manner I am now supposing; and I am speaking only of those persons who lead a spiritual life, and are striving to advance in it, and are free from mortal sin. For those who live carelessly, and in mortal sin, and are always more or less offending God, have need of a different kind of exhortation; and this medicine is not for them. For such persons should be troubled and ought to weep, and to make their examination and confession with much thought, lest through their own fault and indifference, they render the remedy which is necessary for their salvation unavailing. To return, then, to speak of the quiet and peace in which the servant of God should ever abide, I will go further and say, that this conversion must be understood to apply—in order that there might be entire trust in God—not only to slight and daily faults, but also to such as are greater and more grave than usual, if at any time the Lord should permit you to fall into such; even though they may be many together, and are not merely the effects of weakness and frailty, but of wilfulness. For the contrition which only disturbed the soul and filled it with scruples, will never lead it to perfection, unless it is combined with this loving confidence in the Goodness and Mercy of God. And this is more especially necessary in the case of persons, who not only seek to rise out of their miseries, but would also acquire a high degree of sanctity, and a great love for, and union with, God. Many spiritual persons, from not wishing to understand this aright, ever bear about with them a heart and a spirit, broken and distrustful, which the higher graces, which one after another God has prepared for them. These often lead a sort of life which is very wretched, useless, and pitiable, because they will follow only their own imaginations, and will not embrace the true and wholesome doctrine which leads by the royal road to the high and solid virtues of the Christian life, and to that peace which was left us by Christ Himself.

Such persons, whenever they find themselves in some disquietude through doubts of conscience, should seek the counsel of their spiritual father, or of some one whom they think capable of giving them the advice they need, and should commit themselves to him, and rest entirely in his judgment. The conclusion of what we have to say concerning the disquietude which arises from failings, will be found in the following chapter.