Chapter XII. That the Soul ought not to Disquiet itself on account of inward Trials

MANY blessings come to the soul through bitterness and dryness of spirit, when it is received with humility and patience. If we understood this, doubtless when we were visited in this way, we should be less disturbed and afflicted by it; because we should not regard it as a token of our Lord's hatred, but rather of His great and special love, and we should receive it as a signal grace which He conferred upon us. This is very evident, from the fact that no one experiences these trials except those persons who desire to give themselves in a more especial way to the service of God, and to keep far from every thing which may offend Him; and to such persons, these trials do not commonly happen in the beginning of their conversion, but after they have for some time served the Lord, and when they are forming resolutions to serve Him more perfectly, and have already begun to do so.

But we never find that sinners, and those who have given themselves to the things of the world, have to lament such trials; whence it is clearly manifest that this is a precious food with which God feasts those whom He loves; and although it may be insipid to our taste, yet it is a marvellous help, though at the time we are not conscious of it. For the soul finding itself in such a state of dryness, and, in addition to that trial, having to endure temptations the very thought of which seems scandalous, is led by this means to such a fear and loathing of self, and to such a state of lowliness as God desires; although, as it has been said, the soul not knowing at the time this secret, abhorred and recoiled from this discipline, as one who is unwilling ever to be left without sweetness and consolation, and who, when these are absent, esteems all other exercises to be but loss of time and labour without profit.