Letter 226. To Father Gracian, Madrid, A Vila, April 17, 1578

Dangers of Father Gracians intended visit to Avila. Dona Juana a7id her daughter Maria s journey. ObjeSfions to the Discalced holding a General Chapter for eleSiing priors.

Jesus be with your Paternity, my Father!

OH, how ill you acfled in sending me so short a letter when you had so safe a messenger as Juan! I was indeed glad to see him and to learn all particulars about your Paternity. In the letter I gave to Father Prior of Mancera for you, I answered several of the questions you ask. Your making so much of my opinion is a real mortification for me. Whatever appears right to you, will be the best thing.

I have grown so timid from seeing that the devil draws harm from whatever is good that, while those fathers are in the ascendant, I wish to give them no further chance of speaking or adling against us, for, as I said, they make use of every opportunity, and I should not be astonished at anything they did. They do not think they offend God, as their superiors are on their side, and they do not care for the king, finding he says nothing, whatever they do. If they should venture to interfere with your Paternity, it would be a most unhappy thing for us, as, setting aside the deep grief and afflicflion which we should all feel, we should lose all courage and our cause would be lost. May God deliver us as I believe He will, but He wishes us to help ourselves. That is why, besides the other reasons I mentioned when writing to your Paternity, I force myself not to ask you to come here, much as I should like it.

The Prioress of Alba' is extremely ill ; that is the place which chiefly needs your Paternity's presence. I wish the journey were safer for you than it can be at present, and that you would remain where you are until things are more settled and that Peralta has left. I know what the Mitigated have done since the king sent for Father Mariano, though they would not be so daring in Madrid as they are here. On the other hand, it pains me so that I do not know what to say, except that life in this world is no longer endurable.

Your Paternity questions whether it would not be better to travel by another route, as Avila is out of the way. xAlthough I very much wish to see the senoras, yet if your Paternity accompanies them you could keep your journey a secret better by the other road as it does not pass by the priories of any of these good Calced friars [benditos). Otherwise, it would be extremely hard that, for the sake of saving eight leagues, you should refuse me this favour. They could rest here for a few days and give us the pleasure we are all looking forward to eagerly. I said this in the letter to your Paternity which my brother (who left to-day for Madrid) is taking to you.

In the third place, I am very sorry to hear of the plan of Doiia Juana's accompanying her daughter to Valladolid : this would involve a journey of eighty leagues, from which she might be dispensed as her health is valuable to us. I made the journey myself, and though it was as easy and pleasant as possible because I travelled with Dona Maria de Mendoza, I found it very wearisome.

Your Paternity must know that I am determined your Mother shall go no farther than Avila, for which there is no real necessity if a maid accompanies Dona Maria and her brother, as matters are already arranged at the convent. It would be a great mistake for Dona Juana to undertake such fatigue, as she has already seen her daughter. It would be better even if she deferred her visit until Dona Maria takes the veil, when, God willing, there will be less danger and your Paternity could accompany her without so much risk. Your Mother's health is so precious that I venture to assert my opinion, and shall at all events do everything in my power to prevent her going farther than Avila, which is not a trying journey in fine weather.

It has just occurred to me that if she comes by carriage it would be best to chose the Avila route, as I believe it has no mountainous passes as the other has.

I have been wondering whether, (supposing that Dona Juana does not come and no one but Senor Tomas Gracian accompanies his sister,) it would not be well for Fray Antonio de Jesus to go with them, as he has recovered from his illness. You will say that he too is a Discalced Carmelite, but his white hair will disarm criticism. No notice will be taken of the travellers as your Paternity will not be of the party, for it is on you that all eyes are fixed just now. I should be very glad to see Fray Antonio now that he has risen from his sick bed. This idea occurred to me : if it is unpractical, treat it as nonsense for I do not understand what I am talking about.

I assure you that I should be delighted to see Doiia Juana but I think it would be extremely rash of us to allow her to undertake the journey, especially if she went further than Avila. God deliver me from myself since I care so little for my own consolation, and may He give me some opportunity of solacing my soul at leisure with your Paternity !

My brother gave you my letter in which I stated how difficult Doctor Rueda and Master Daza considered it would be to eled: priors without a mandate from the Pope or the General, because it is a matter of jurisdid:ion. As I have written at length on the question, I will only ask you to refledl upon it seriously, for the love of God. It is very laborious for you to consider every matter so deliberately, but God will grant you easier times in future. For the present, my Father, we must so ad: that He will protedl you. The Prioress and Subprioress have sent you letters by my brother.

Should you require any help from Judge Covarrubias you must say so; he is very intimate with my brother.

God be with your Paternity and preserve you to me for many years, making vou very holy. To-day is April 17.

Your Paternity's unworthy servant,

Teresa de Jesus.

You must know, my Father, that I feel distressed, as I did not exped: Doila Juana would come so soon. The choir is roofless, the workmen are very noisy, and the grilles have been removed, yet I should have been delighted to see her at the grille. What a life! What with the heat and the cold we could not stay in the choir, but it will be very comfortable now. Consider whether it is possible to give leave for Doila Maria to enter our house; it is extremely untidy, but that will only make her like her own convent better.