Chapter 9 — The second means of perfection which is the renunciation of earthly ties and of matrimony

In order the more clearly to understand this second means of perfection, we should reflect on the words of St. Augustine who says in De Trinitate 12: the less a man loves his private possessions, the more closely will he cleave to God. (Augustine, De trinitate, bk. 12, ch. 11, para. 16 (CCSL 50; PL 42:1006).) Hence, according to the order of the things which a man sacrifices for the love of God, will be the order of those things which will enable him to adhere perfectly to God. The things to be first given up are those least closely united to ourselves. Therefore, the renunciation of material possessions, which are extrinsic to our nature, must be our first step on the road to perfection.

The next objects to be sacrificed will be those which are united to our nature by a certain communion and necessary affinity. Hence our Lord says: if any man comes to me, and does not hate his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brothers, and sisters, he cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:26). But it is permissible to inquire, as St. Gregory says, how we can be commanded to hate our parents and kinsfolk when we are bidden to love even our enemies. If, however, we carefully consider this precept, we shall be able to obey it by means of discretion. For when we refuse to listen to one who, savoring earthly things, suggests to us to do what is wrong, we at the same time love him and hate him. Thus we must bear this discreet hatred towards our kinsfolk, loving in them what they are in themselves, and hating them when they hinder our progress towards God. For whosoever desires eternal life must for the love of God be independent of father and mother, of wife, children, and relations, yea, detached from self, in order that he may the better know God, for whose sake he loses sight of every other. For it is but too clear that earthly affections warp the mind and blunt its keenness. (Gregory the Great, Homiliae in evangelia, bk. 2, homily 37, para. 2-3 (CCSL 141; CPL 1711; PL 76:1275C-1276C).)

Now amongst all relationships the conjugal tie more than any other engrosses men’s hearts, so that our first parent said: a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife (Gen 2:24). Hence they who are aiming at perfection must, above all things, avoid the bond of marriage, which to a preeminent degree entangles men in earthly concerns. This is the reason which the Apostle gives for his counsel concerning continence: he that is without a wife is solicitous for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please God. But he that is with a wife is solicitous for the things of the world, how he may please his wife (1 Cor 7:32–33). Therefore, the second means whereby a man may be more free to devote himself to God and to cleave more perfectly to him is by the observance of perpetual chastity.

But continence possesses the further advantage of affording a peculiar facility to the acquirement of perfection. For the soul is hindered in its free access to God not only by the love of exterior things but much more by force of interior passions. And amongst these passions the lust of the flesh does, beyond all others, overpower reason. Hence St. Augustine says in Soliloquies 1: I know nothing which doth more cast a manly soul down from the tower of its strength, than do the caresses of a woman and the physical contact essential to marriage. (Augustine, Soliloquiorum, bk. 1, ch. 10 (CSEL 89; PL 32:878).) Thus continence is most necessary to perfection. It is the way pointed out by the Apostle: concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord, but I give counsel, as having obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful (1 Cor 7:25).

The advantage of virginity is also shown in St. Matthew. When the disciples said to Christ: if the case of a man with his wife be so, it is not expedient to marry, the Lord answered: not all men take this word, but those to whom it is given (Matt 19:10). By these words we see the difficulty involved in continence and the inadequacy of human virtue to lead such a life without the grace of God; hence we read in the book of Wisdom: I knew that I could not otherwise be continent except God gave it; and this also was a point of wisdom to know whose gift it was (Wis 8:21). This saying is also borne out by the words of the Apostle: I wish all men were as myself, who observe continence, but everyone has his proper gift from God; one after this manner, and another after that (1 Cor 7:7). In these words he distinctly asserts that continence is a gift of God.

But lest anyone should, on the other hand, fail to use his own endeavor to obtain this gift, our Lord exhorts all men to it. He first gives an illustration, saying: there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs, (Cf. Matt 19:12.) not, as St. Chrysostom explains, by mutilation, but by resisting evil thoughts (Homilies on Matthew 62). (Chrysostom, Homilies on Matthew 62.3 (PG 58:599).) Then Christ goes on to invite all men to follow this example for the sake of its reward when he adds: for sake of the kingdom of heaven (Matt 19:12). The book of Wisdom also says: the chaste generation triumphs, crowned for ever, winning the reward of undefiled conflicts (Wis 4:2). And finally, our Lord exhorts men to continence by the words: he that can take it, let him take it (Matt 19:12). This, as St. Jerome says, is the voice of the Lord encouraging his soldiers to win the prize of chastity, as if he said: ‘he that can fight, let him fight and conquer.’ (Jerome, Commentarii in evangelium Matthaei 3.19.819 (CCSL 77; CPL 0590; PL 26:136).)

If anyone should object to us the example of Abraham and of other just men of old who were perfect without refraining from matrimony, we will answer them in the words of St. Augustine in the book De bono coniugali: the continence that is a virtue is that of the mind, not of the body. And virtue is sometimes revealed in deeds, and sometimes lies disguised as a habit. (Augustine, De bono coniugale, ch. 21, para. 25 (CCSL 29; CSEL 41:218-219; PL 40:390).) The patience of John who did not suffer martyrdom was equal in merit to that of Peter who was slain; and Abraham who fathered sons was equal in continence to the virgin John. The marriage of the one and the celibacy of the other fought, each in their season, for Christ (21.25). (Augustine, De bono coniugale 21.26 (CCSL 29; CSEL 41:221; PL 40:391).) Therefore, any one of the faithful who observes continence may say: I am certainly no better than Abraham; but the chastity of celibacy is superior to the chastity of married life. Abraham practised the one actually, the other habitually. For he lived chastely as a husband, and could have lived continently had he been unmarried. The latter state, however, did not befit the time at which he lived. It is easier for me not to marry at all, although Abraham married, than to live such a married life as he lived. Therefore, I am better than they who could not by continence of heart do what I do; but I am not better than they who, on account of the different time at which they lived, did not what I do. Had it been fitting, they in their time would have accomplished far better than I that which I now do; but I, even were it now required, could not do what they achieved. (Augustine, De bono coniugale 22.27 (CCSL 29; CSEL 41:222; PL 40:392).)

This conclusion of St. Augustine agrees with what has already been said about poverty. For Abraham had arrived at such perfection that his heart never wavered in love to God on account either of temporal possessions or of wedded life. But if another man who has not reached this height of virtue strives to attain perfection while retaining riches and engaging in matrimony, he will soon be made aware of his error in presuming to treat our Lord’s words as of small account.