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Chapter 61

Of that which is to be considered in the meditation of Death, about that which shall happen to the soul; that so we may profit the more, in the knowledge of ourselves.

TO this1 which thou hast heard, is thy body to arrive; it remains that thou hear, what shall happen to thy soul; which in that hour of thy death willbe full of anguish, by the remembrance of those offences, which, in thy life, thou hast committed, against our Lord. And those things seeming grievous at that time, which before, thou thoughtst to be of little moment, it willbe deprived of the use of thy senses, nor will thy tongue serve thee for the ask succour of our Lord. Thy understanding will grow so dark, as that thou wilt scarce be able to think of God; and, in a word, by little and little, the end of that hour draweth on, wherein, by the commandment of God, thy soul is to spring out of thy body; and when that resolution, concerning it must be taken, which shall fasten it, either upon eternal damnation, or eternal salvation. It must hear, from the mouth of God, either, Depart from me to eternal torment, or remain with me in state of salvation, either inpurgatory, or in Paradise. Thou art to be wholly depending upon the hand of God, and of him only, thou mayst hope for remedy; and therefore thou oughtest, in thy life time, to fly fare from offending him, of whom then thou art to have so much need. The Devils will not be wanting to accuse thee; and demand justice of God, against thy soul; laying particularly to thy charge, every sin which thou hast committed; and if then the mercy of God forget thee, what wilt thou be able to do; thou poor, weak sheep, being environed by those ravenous wolves, who are so full of desire to swallow thee up.

Consider then, in this time of thy recollection, how, in that straight passage, thou art to be presented before the judgement of God, all naked, and2 deprived of all things; saving only, that thou shalt be accompanied by the good which thou hast wrought, or by the evil which thou hast committed; and say to our Lord, that now thou dost willingly present thyself to him, to the end that thou ma●est obtain mercy in that other hour, when perforce thou art to part out of the world. Make3 account that thou art some thief, who is taken in the manner, whilst he is stealing; & whom they present with his hands bound before the judge. Or else, that thou art some woman, whose husband found her dishonouring his bed, and who, through the excess of confusion, knoweth not how so much as to lift up her eyes, and much less how to deny the fact. And do thou believe, that God hath much more clearly seen all that wherein thou hast ever offended him, than any eyes of man can see that which is done before him. And be thou full of shame, for having been so wicked, in the presence of so great a goodness. Cover thyself with that very shame, which before thou didst lose; and procure to find, in thyself, confusion for thy sins, as one that stands in the presence of her sovereign Lord and judge.

Accuse thyself then, as thou shalt afterward be accused; and especially draw to thy memory, the most grievous of those sins, which thou hast committed; though if they should be sins of the flesh, it is safer for thee not to detain thyself very particularly upon them; but only do it, all in gross, as of a thing that stinks; and the beholding whereof doth greatly amaze thee. judge thyself, and sentence thyself for wicked; and cast down thine eyes, upon those fires of hell; believing that thou hast well deserved them. Lay4 on the one side the blessings which God hath bestowed upon thee, from the time of thy Creation; walking with thy discourse, both over thy body, and thy soul; and think how thou wert obliged to revere him, and to be grateful to him; and to love him, with thy whole hart; serving him with entiere obedience; and observing the commandments, both of him, and of his Church with all the power thou hast. Consider how he hath conserved thee, by a thousand other benefits that he hath bestowed upon thee; & as many miseries from which he hath delivered thee; and above all things remember, how (to invite thee to be good, by his example, and love) the same Lord of the world, came into it, by making himself a man; and for the relief of thy miseries, and the removing of the blindness, wherein thou wert, would needs endure many afflictions, and first did sheed many tears; and afterwards his very blood, and he did cast away his precious life for thee. All5 which ponderation, in the day of thy death, and of the judgement which must pass upon thee, shallbe placed in one balance; laying it to thy charge as that which thou hast received; and an account shallbe demanded at thy hand●, how thou hast served thyself of so great favours; and how thou hast carried thyself in the service of God, and with what care thou hast kept correspondence with that so great goodness; wherewith God hath desired, and procured to save thee. Consider well, and thou shalt see, how much reason thou hast to fear, since not only thou hast not answered by doing services, according to thy debts and obligations; but thou hast paid him with evil for good; and hast despised him, who hath valued thee at so high a rate; turning thy back, and flying from him, who did so fast follow thee, for thy good.

What thanks doth it seem to thee, that thou art to give him, who by his infinite mercy hath delivered us from hell, we having so justly deserved it. What shall we offer him for a present, who hath so often stretched forth his hand towards us; that the Devils might not strangle and carry us instantly away to hell. And to us who have been cruel offenders of his Majesty, he hath been a piteous Father and dear defendor. Consider, that6 perhaps there are souls in hell, who have committed fewer sins than thou. And in such sort weigh thyself, and serve God, as if for thy sins thou hadst already entered into hell, and that he hath fetched thee out from thence. For it comes to the same account, for him to have hindered thee from going thither, as thou didst deserve, or to draw thee, out from thence through his great7 mercy, after thou shouldst have been entered in. And if, by comparing the blessings which God hath afforded thee, and the sins which thou hast committed against him, thou do not yet find in thyself that shame or sorrow, which thou desirest; be not yet afflicted therewith; but continue in this discourse, and lay before the eyes of God, thy hart which is so wounded, and so indebted to him; and beseech him that he will tell thee who thou art, and what account thou art to make of thyself. For the effect of this exercise, is not only to understand that thou art wicked, but to feel it, and to taste it, with thy will; and to take fast hold of thy sinfulness, and unworthiness; as a man would clap the stinking carrion of a dead dog, to his nose.

Therefore are not these considerations, to be certain fleeting things; not the work of one day alone, but they are to be of good length; and to be used with much quietness; that by little and little, the will may go drinking up that contempt and unworthiness, which by thy understanding thou dost judge due unto thyself; & this thought of thine thou art to present before God, beseeching him, that he will lodge it in the most internal part of thy hart. And from thenceforth esteem thyself, with great simplicity and verity, for a most wicked creature; deserving all contempt and torment, though it were, even that of hell. And8 be thou ready for the patiented suffering of any labour, or neglect which shall occur; considering, that since thou hast offended God, it is but reason, that all the creatures should rise against thee, to revenge the injuries that are done to their Creator. By9 this patience of thine, thou shalt understand, if in very deed thou think thyself a sinner, and worthy of hell; saying within thyself, All the mischief that they can do me, is very little; since I have deserved hell. Who is he, that will complain of the biting of flies, when he hath merited eternal torments? And thus go thou wondering, at the infinite goodness of God, how he can persuade himself, not to cast off, such a stinking worm; but to maintain it, and to regale it; and to pour blessings down upon it; both in body and soul; but all this must be for his glory, and not that we, have any thing to glory in.

Footnotes

  1. A most singular discourse. ↩

  2. There is no company in death, but the good or evil which we shall have done. ↩

  3. Help thyself to be confounded with shame & sorrow for thy sins, by these comparisons. ↩

  4. If thou have a generous & noble hart this thought will pierce it. ↩

  5. Our Lord give us all grace, to make great use of this certain truth. ↩

  6. Yea, & without Perhaps. ↩

  7. Nay, the former is the greater mercy. ↩

  8. The true use which is to be made of these considerations. ↩

  9. Note this. ↩

Chapter 63 of 115