Consideration XXI - THE UNHAPPY LIFE OF THE SINNER AND THE HAPPY LIFE OF ONE WHO LOVES GOD

"Non est pax impiis, dicit Dominus" (Is. 48:22). "Pax multa diligentibus legem tuam" (Ps. 118:165).

Point I

All men in this life labor to find peace. That merchant labors, that soldier, that litigant, because he thinks that with that profit, that position, or by winning that lawsuit, he will make his fortune and so find peace. But poor worldly people, who seek peace in the world, which cannot give it! God alone can give us peace: "Da servis tuis illam, quam mundus dare non potest, pacem." No, the world with all its goods cannot satisfy the human heart, because man is not created for these goods, but only for God; hence only God can satisfy him. The beasts, which are created for the delights of the senses, find their peace in earthly goods. Give a donkey a bundle of grass, give a dog a piece of meat — behold, they are content and desire nothing more. But the soul, which is created only to love and be united with God, with all sensual pleasures can never find its peace; only God can make it fully content.

That rich man of whom St. Luke speaks (ch. 12, v. 19), having had a good harvest from his fields, said to himself: "Anima, habes multa bona posita in annos plurimos, requiesce, comede, bibe." But this unhappy rich man was called a fool — "Stulte" — and rightly so, says St. Basil: "Nunquid animam porcinam habes?" Wretch, the Saint says to him, do you perhaps have the soul of a pig, of some beast, that you pretend to satisfy your soul with eating, drinking, and sensual delights? "Requiesce, comede, bibe?" Man can be filled by the goods of the world, but not satisfied: "Inflari potest, satiari non potest," says St. Bernard. And the same Saint writes that he saw various madmen with various kinds of madness. He says that all these suffered a great hunger, but some filled themselves with earth — a figure of the avaricious; others with air — a figure of those who seek honors; others around a furnace caught the sparks that flew from it — a figure of the wrathful; others finally around a fetid pond drank its putrid waters — a figure of the impure. Then turning to them, the Saint says: "O fools, do you not see that these things increase rather than satisfy your hunger? Haec potius famem provocant, quam exstinguunt." The goods of the world are apparent goods, and therefore cannot satisfy the human heart. "Comedistis, et non estis satiati" (Haggai 1:6). And therefore the miser, the more he acquires, the more he seeks to acquire. St. Augustine says: "Maior pecunia avaritiae fauces non claudit, sed extendit." The impure man, the more he wallows in filth, the more he is at once nauseated and famished; and how can filth and sensual sordidness ever satisfy the heart? The same happens to the ambitious man, who would satisfy himself with smoke, for the ambitious man looks more at what he lacks than at what he has. Alexander the Great, after conquering so many kingdoms, wept because he lacked dominion over the rest. If the goods of this earth could satisfy man, the rich and the monarchs would be fully happy; but experience shows the opposite. Solomon says it, who asserts that he denied nothing to his senses: "Et omnia, quae desideraverunt oculi mei, non negavi eis" (Eccl. 2:10). But despite all this, what does he say? "Vanitas vanitatum, et omnia vanitas" (ibid. 1:2). Which means: All that is in the world is mere vanity, mere falsehood, mere folly.

Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, what do I find from the offenses I have done You, if not pains, bitterness, and merits for hell? I do not grieve at the bitterness I now feel; indeed it consoles me, since it is a gift of Your grace and makes me hope (since You give it to me) that You wish to pardon me. What grieves me is the displeasure and bitterness I have given You, my Redeemer, who have loved me so much. I deserved, my Lord, that You should then have abandoned me; but instead of abandoning me, I see that You offer me pardon — indeed, You are the first to ask me for peace. Yes, my Jesus, I wish to make peace, and I desire Your grace more than any good. I repent, infinite Goodness, of having offended You; I could wish to die of sorrow. Ah, for that love You bore me when dying for me on the cross, pardon me and receive me into Your Heart, and change my heart so that, as much displeasure as I have given You in the past, I may give You as much pleasure in the future. For love of You I now renounce all the pleasures the world can give me, and I resolve to lose my life rather than Your grace. Tell me what I must do to please You, and I wish to do it all. What pleasures! What honors! What riches! I want only You, my God, my joy, my glory, my treasure, my life, my love, my all. Give me, Lord, the help to be faithful to You. Give me Your love, and then do with me what You will.

Mary, my Mother and hope after Jesus, receive me into your protection and make me entirely God's.

Point II

But Solomon says not only that the goods of this world are vanities that do not satisfy, but that they are pains that afflict the spirit: "Et ecce universa vanitas, et afflictio spiritus" (Eccl. 1:14). Poor sinners! They pretend to make themselves happy with their sins, but they find nothing but bitterness and remorse: "Contritio, et infelicitas in viis eorum, et viam pacis non cognoverunt" (Ps. 13:3). What peace! What peace! No, says God: "Non est pax impiis, dicit Dominus" (Is. 48:22). First of all, sin brings with it the terror of divine vengeance. If someone has a powerful enemy, he never eats or sleeps in peace; and he who has God for an enemy — can he be at peace? "Pavor his qui operantur malum" (Prov. 10:29). He who is in sin — if he feels the earth tremble, if he hears thunder — oh, how he trembles! Every leaf that stirs frightens him. "Sonitus terroris semper in aure eius" (Job 15:21). He always flees, without seeing who pursues him. "Fugit impius, nemine persequente" (Prov. 28:1). And who pursues him? His own sin. Cain, after killing his brother Abel, said: "Omnis igitur, qui invenerit me, occidet me" (Gen. 4:14). And although the Lord assured him that no one would harm him — "Dixitque ei Dominus: Nequaquam ita fiet" — still Scripture says that Cain "habitavit profugus in terra": he went always fleeing from one place to another. Who was Cain's persecutor, if not his own sin?

Moreover, sin brings with it the remorse of conscience, that tyrant worm that always gnaws. The miserable sinner goes to the theater, to the feast, to the banquet; but his conscience says to him: You are in the disgrace of God; if you die, where do you go? The remorse of conscience is so great a pain even in this life that some, to free themselves from it, have gone so far as to take their own lives. One of these was Judas, who, as is known, hanged himself in despair. It is told of another who, having killed a child, to escape the pain of remorse went and became a religious; but finding no peace even in the religious life, he went and confessed his crime to the judge and had himself condemned to death.

What is a soul without God? The Holy Spirit says it is a sea in a storm: "Impii autem quasi mare fervens, quod quiescere non potest" (Is. 57:20). I ask: If someone were carried to a banquet of music, dances, and refreshments, and were hanging there by his feet with his head down, could he enjoy this entertainment? Such is the man whose soul is upside down, standing amid the goods of this world but without God. He will eat, drink, dance; he will wear that rich garment, receive those honors, obtain that position, that possession — but he will never have peace. "Non est pax impiis." Peace is obtained only from God, and God gives it to His friends, not to His enemies.

The goods of this earth, says St. Vincent Ferrer, touch only the exterior and do not enter the heart: "Sunt aquae, quae non intrant illuc, ubi est sitis." That sinner will wear a fine embroidered garment, will have a beautiful diamond on his finger, will eat to his liking; but his poor heart will remain full of thorns and gall. Therefore you will see that with all his riches, delights, and amusements, he is always restless, and at every contrary thing he rages and fumes, becoming like a rabid dog. He who loves God, in adversity, resigns himself to the divine will and finds peace; but this cannot be done by one who lives an enemy to the will of God, and therefore has no way of quieting himself. The wretch serves the devil, serves a tyrant who pays him with troubles and bitterness. And the words of God cannot fail, who says: "Eo quod non servieris Deo tuo in gaudio, servies inimico tuo in fame, et siti, et nuditate, et omni penuria" (Deut. 28:48). What does that vengeful man not suffer after he has taken his revenge! That impure man after he has reached his goal! That ambitious man! That miser! Oh, how many, if they suffered for God what they suffer to damn themselves, would become great saints!

Affections and Prayers

Oh, my wasted life! Oh, if only I had suffered for Your service, my God, the pains I endured in offending You — how many merits I would now have for paradise! Ah, my Lord, why did I leave You and lose Your grace? For poisoned and brief pleasures that no sooner had than they vanished, and left my heart full of thorns and bitterness. Ah, my sins, I detest you and curse you a thousand times, and I bless Your mercy, my God, which has borne with me so patiently. I love You, O my Creator and Redeemer, who gave Your life for me; and because I love You, I repent with all my heart of having offended You. My God, my God, why did I lose You? Why did I exchange You? Now I know the evil I have done, and I resolve to lose everything, even life, rather than Your love. Give me light, Eternal Father, for the love of Jesus Christ; make me know the great good that You are, and the baseness of the goods the devil presents to me, to make me lose Your grace. I love You, but I desire to love You more. Grant that You alone may be my only thought, my only desire, my only love. I hope for everything from Your goodness, through the merits of Your Son.

Mary, my Mother, for the love you bear Jesus Christ, I beg you to obtain for me light and strength to serve Him and love Him until death.

Point III

So then, all the goods and delights of the world cannot satisfy the human heart — and who can satisfy it? God alone. "Delectare in Domino et dabit tibi petitiones cordis tui" (Ps. 36:4). The human heart goes always seeking the good that will content it. It obtains riches, pleasures, honors — and is not content, because these are finite goods, and it is created for an infinite good. Let it find God, let it unite itself with God, and behold, it is already content and desires nothing more. "Delectare in Domino, et dabit tibi petitiones cordis tui." St. Augustine in his whole life, led amid the delights of the senses, never found peace. When he then gave himself to God, he confessed and said to the Lord: "Inquietum est cor nostrum, donec requiescat in te." My God, he said, now I know that everything is vanity and pain, and You alone are the true peace of the soul: "Dura sunt omnia, et tu solus requies." Hence, having become a teacher at his own expense, he wrote: "Quid quaeris homuncio, quaerendo bona? quaere unum bonum, in quo sunt omnia bona." David, being a king, while he was in sin, went to hunts, to gardens, to banquets, and to all the other royal delights; but the banquets, the gardens, and all the other creatures he enjoyed said to him: David, you wish to be satisfied by us? No, we cannot satisfy you: "Ubi est Deus tuus?" Go, find your God, for He alone can satisfy you. And therefore David, in the midst of all his delights, did nothing but weep: "Lacrimae meae fuerunt panes die ac nocte, dum dicitur mihi quotidie, ubi est Deus tuus?" (Ps. 41:4).

Oh, how on the other hand God knows how to satisfy faithful souls who love Him! St. Francis of Assisi, having left everything for God — though barefoot, with a rag on his back, dying of cold and hunger — saying "Deus meus et omnia," experienced a paradise. St. Francis Borgia, after becoming a religious, when on his journeys he had to sleep on straw, felt such consolation that he could not sleep for it. St. Philip Neri likewise, having left everything, when he went to rest, God so consoled him that he exclaimed: "But, my Jesus Christ, let me sleep!" Father Charles of Lorraine, a Jesuit of the house of Lorraine, finding himself in his poor cell, would sometimes dance for joy. St. Francis Xavier in the fields of India would open his chest, saying: "Sat est, Domine" — enough, Lord, no more consolation, for my heart cannot bear it. St. Teresa said that a single drop of heavenly consolation gives more contentment than all the pleasures and amusements of the world. These promises of God cannot fail: to give to those who leave the goods of the world for His love, even in this life, a hundredfold of peace and contentment. "Qui reliquerit domum, vel fratres, etc. propter nomen meum, centuplum accipiet, et vitam aeternam possidebit" (Matt. 19:29).

What then are we seeking? Let us go to Jesus Christ, who calls us and says: "Venite ad me omnes, qui laboratis, et onerati estis, et ego reficiam vos" (Matt. 11:28). A soul that loves God finds that peace which surpasses all the pleasures and satisfactions the senses and the world can give. "Pax Dei quae exsuperat omnem sensum" (Phil. 4:7). It is true that in this life even the Saints suffer, because this earth is a place of merit, and one cannot merit without suffering; but St. Bonaventure says that divine love is like honey, which makes the most bitter things sweet and lovable. He who loves God loves His will, and therefore rejoices in spirit even amid bitterness, since in embracing it he knows that he pleases God and gives Him pleasure. O God, sinners wish to despise the spiritual life without ever having tried it! "Vident crucem, sed non vident unctionem," says St. Bernard: they look only at the mortifications the lovers of God endure and the pleasures they give up, but they do not see the spiritual delights with which the Lord caresses them. Oh, if sinners could taste the peace enjoyed by a soul that wants nothing but God! "Gustate, et videte," says David, "quam suavis est Dominus" (Ps. 33). My brother, begin to make meditation every day, to receive Communion often, to spend time before the Blessed Sacrament; begin to leave the world and to keep company with God, and you will see that the Lord will console you more in that little time you spend with Him than the world has consoled you with all its diversions. "Gustate, et videte." He who does not taste cannot understand how God knows how to content a soul that loves Him.

Affections and Prayers

My dear Redeemer, how could I have been so blind in the past as to leave You, the infinite Good, the fountain of all consolations, for the wretched and brief satisfactions of the senses! I marvel at my blindness, but still more I marvel at Your mercy, which has borne with me so patiently. I thank You for now making me see my folly and the obligation I have to love You. I love You, my Jesus, with all my soul, and I desire to love You more. Increase the desire and the love Yourself. Make me fall in love with You, O infinitely lovable One, who have done everything possible to be loved by me and so greatly desire my love. "Si vis, potes me mundare." Ah, my dear Redeemer, purify my heart of so many impure affections that prevent me from loving You as I would wish. It is not in my power to make my heart burn entirely for You and love nothing but You. It must be the power of Your grace, which can do all it wills. Detach me from everything, drive from my soul every affection that is not for You, and make me entirely Yours. I repent above every evil of all the displeasures I have given You. And I resolve to consecrate the life that remains to me entirely to Your holy love; but You must do it. Do it for the blood You shed for me with so much sorrow and so much love. Let it be to the glory of Your power to make my heart, which was once full of earthly affections, now be all flames of love for You, the infinite Good.

O Mother of fair love, make me by your prayers as you always were: all ablaze with charity toward God.