Consideration XVIII - THE NUMBER OF SINS

"Quia non profertur cito contra malos sententia, ideo filii hominum perpetrant mala" (Eccl. 8:11).

Point I

If God punished at once every one who offends Him, He would certainly not be insulted as He now is; but because the Lord does not punish immediately and waits, sinners take courage to offend Him all the more. But we must understand that God waits and bears, but He does not wait and bear forever. It is the teaching of many holy Fathers — of St. Basil, St. Jerome, St. Ambrose, St. Cyril of Alexandria, St. John Chrysostom, St. Augustine, and others — that just as God has determined for each man the number of days of life, the degree of health, or the talent He wishes to give: "Omnia in mensura, et numero, et pondere disposuisti" (Wis. 11:21), so also He has determined for each one the number of sins He will pardon; once that number is completed, He pardons no more. "Illud sentire nos convenit," says St. Augustine, "tandiu unumquenque a Dei patientia sustineri; quo consummato, nullam illi veniam reservari." Eusebius of Caesarea says the same: "Deus exspectat usque ad certum numerum, et postea deserit." And the same say the other Fathers named above.

And these Fathers did not speak at random but founded on the divine Scriptures. In one place the Lord said that He was delaying the ruin of the Amorites because the number of their sins was not yet complete: "Nondum completae sunt iniquitates Amorrhaeorum" (Gen. 15). In another: "Non addam ultra misereri Israel." In another: "Tentaverunt me per decem vices, non videbunt terram" (Num. 14:22). In another Job says: "Signasti quasi in sacculo delicta mea" (Job 14:17). Sinners do not keep count of their sins, but God keeps count of them well, to give the punishment when the harvest is ripe — that is, when the number is complete: "Mittite falces, quoniam maturavit messis" (Joel 3:13). In another place God says: "De propitiato peccato noli esse sine metu; neque adiicias peccatum super peccatum" (Sirach 5:5). He means to say: Sinner, you must be fearful even of the sins that have been pardoned you, because if you add another, it may be that the new sin together with the pardoned ones completes the number, and then there will be no more mercy for you. In another place Scripture says more clearly: "Exspectat Deus patienter, ut cum iudicii dies advenerit, eas in plenitudine peccatorum puniat" (2 Macc. 6:14). So God waits until the day when the measure of sins is filled, and then punishes.

Of such punishment there are many examples in Scripture, and especially of Saul, who, having disobeyed God for the last time, was abandoned by God. When he begged Samuel to intercede for him — "Porta quaeso peccatum meum, et revertere mecum, ut adorem Deum" — Samuel answered: "Non revertar tecum, quia abiecisti sermonem Domini, et abiecit te Dominus" (1 Kings 15:25). There is the example of Belshazzar, who, sitting at table, profaned the vessels of the temple, and then saw a hand that wrote on the wall: "Mane, Thecel, Phares." Daniel came and, explaining those words, said to him among other things: "Appensus es in statera, et inventus es minus habens" (Dan. 5:27) — giving him to understand that the weight of his sins had already tipped the scales of divine justice. And indeed, that same night he was killed: "Eadem nocte interfectus est Baltassar rex Chaldaeus."

And oh, how many wretches suffer the same fate — they live many years in sin, but when their number is completed, they are seized by death and sent to hell! "Ducunt in bonis dies suos, et in puncto ad inferna descendunt" (Job 21:13). Some set about investigating the number of the stars, the number of the angels, or the years of life someone will have; but who can ever investigate the number of sins God will pardon each person? And therefore we must tremble. Who knows, my brother, whether at the first unworthy satisfaction, the first consented thought, the first sin you commit, God will no longer pardon you?

Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, I thank You. How many, for fewer sins than mine, are at this hour in hell, and there is no more pardon or hope for them! And I have hope of pardon and of paradise, if I wish it. Yes, my God, I want pardon. I repent above every evil of having offended You, because I have offended You, infinite Goodness. Eternal Father, "respice in faciem Christi tui"; look at Your Son dead on that cross for me, and for His merits have pity on me. I promise You that I will die rather than offend You again. I must rightly fear, given the sins I have committed and the graces You have shown me, that another sin I might add would complete the measure, and I would be damned! Ah, help me with Your grace. From You I hope for the light and the strength to be faithful to You. And if ever You see that I would offend You again, let me die at this very moment, when I hope to be in Your grace. My God, I love You above all things, and I fear more than death seeing myself once more in Your disgrace; for pity's sake, do not permit it.

Mary, my Mother, for pity's sake, help me; obtain for me holy perseverance.

Point II

That sinner says: But God is merciful. I answer: Who denies it? The mercy of God is infinite, but with all this mercy, how many are damned every day? "Veni ut mederer contritis corde." God heals those of good will. He pardons sins, but He cannot pardon the will to sin. He will reply: But I am young. You are young? But God does not count years — He counts sins. And this quota of sins is not the same for all: to some God pardons a hundred sins, to another a thousand, to another He will send him to hell after the second sin. How many has the Lord sent there at the first? St. Gregory relates that a child of five, for uttering a blasphemy, was sent to hell. The Blessed Virgin revealed to a servant of God, Benedetta of Florence, that a girl of twelve at her first sin was condemned.

Point III

"Fili, peccasti? Non adiicias iterum, sed de pristinis deprecare, ut tibi dimittantur" (Sirach 21:1). Behold what your good Lord warns you, my Christian, because He wishes you saved: My son, do not return to offending Me, but from now on attend to asking pardon for the sins you have committed. My brother, the more you have offended God, the more you should tremble not to offend Him again, because another sin you commit may tip the scales of divine justice, and you will be damned. I do not say absolutely that after one more sin there will be no more pardon for you, because this I do not know; but I say it can happen. So when you are tempted, say: And who knows whether God will pardon me no more, and I remain damned? Tell me, please: if it were probable that in a food there was poison, would you eat it? If you probably believed that on a certain road your enemies were lying in wait to take your life, would you pass that way, having another safe road? And so, what assurance, or even what probability, do you have that, returning to sin, you will afterward have true sorrow and not return to your vomit? And that, sinning, God will not let you die in the very act of sin, or that after that He will not abandon you?

O God, if you buy a house, you take every precaution to secure the deed and not throw away your money. If you take a medicine, you try to make sure it cannot harm you. If you cross a torrent, you try to make sure you will not fall in. And then, for a wretched satisfaction, for a bestial delight, you want to risk your eternal salvation, saying: I hope to confess it? But I ask you: When will you confess it? Sunday. And who promises you to be alive until Sunday? Tomorrow. And who promises you this tomorrow? St. Augustine says: "Diem tenes, qui horam non tenes?" How can you promise yourself confession tomorrow, when you do not know if you have even another hour of life? "Qui poenitenti veniam spopondit," the Saint continues, "peccanti diem crastinum non promisit; fortasse dabit, fortasse non dabit." God has promised pardon to those who repent, but He has not promised tomorrow to those who offend Him. If you sin now, perhaps God will give you time for penance, and perhaps not; and if He does not give it, what will become of you for all eternity? Meanwhile, for a wretched pleasure you already lose your soul and risk its being lost forever. Would you risk a thousand coins for that vile satisfaction? I say more: would you for that brief pleasure stake everything — money, house, land, liberty, and life? No? And then how, for that miserable pleasure, can you in one moment already lose everything — your soul, paradise, and God? Tell me: are the things the faith teaches truths, or are they fables — that there is a paradise, a hell, an eternity? Do you believe that if death catches you in sin, you will be lost forever? And what presumption, what madness, to condemn yourself to an eternity of pains, saying: I hope to remedy it afterward! "Nemo sub spe salutis vult aegrotare," says St. Augustine. No madman is found who takes poison saying, "Perhaps with remedies I may be cured"; and you wish to condemn yourself to an eternal death, saying, "Perhaps I may afterward free myself"? Oh, madness that has carried and carries so many souls to hell! As the Lord already threatens: "Fiduciam habuisti in malitia tua, veniet super te malum, et nescies ortum eius" (Is. 48:10). You have sinned, rashly trusting in divine mercy; punishment will come upon you suddenly, and you will not know whence it comes.

Affections and Prayers

Behold, Lord, one of these fools, who has so many times lost his soul and Your grace, hoping afterward to recover it. And if You had let me die at that moment, or on those nights when I was in sin, what would have become of me? I thank Your mercy, which waited for me and now makes me see my folly. I see that You wish me saved, and I wish to save myself. I repent, O infinite Goodness, of having so many times turned my back on You, and I love You with all my heart. And I trust in the merits of Your Passion, O my Jesus, that I shall be foolish no more. Pardon me quickly, and receive me into Your grace, for I will leave You no more. "In te, Domine, speravi, non confundar in aeternum." Ah no, I hope, O my Redeemer, that I shall no longer have to suffer the disgrace and confusion of seeing myself in the future deprived of Your grace and Your love. Grant me holy perseverance, and grant that I may always ask You for it, especially when I am tempted, by calling on the holy name of Yours and of Your holy Mother, saying: My Jesus, help me; my Mary, help me.

Yes, my Queen, for by having recourse to you I shall never be overcome. And if the temptation persists, obtain for me that I may not cease to persist in invoking you.