164. Duties of Married Life

1. Every Catholic family should have the Holy Family of Nazareth, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, as their model, and live in holiness and mutual love.

2. Every family should preserve the custom of having family prayers at some hour of the morning or evening, praying as one, in a unity of worship.

What is the chief duty of husband and wife in the married state?

— The chief duty of husband and wife in the married state is to be faithful to each other, and to provide in every way for the welfare of the children God may give them,

1. Husband and wife must comfort and support each other in the activities of their common life, in the fulfilment of their duties individual as well as mutual, in all important matters, both spiritual and material. "Now they are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matt. 19:6).

The wife needs the husband to lean upon; the husband needs his wife to comfort and care for him. The man is the breadwinner and the head; the wife is the queen and mother. In true Christian marriage there is no question of selfishness, competition, or superiority between the spouses, for they two are "one flesh."

2. Husband and wife must be faithful to their marriage vows; they owe fidelity to each other. They ought very carefully to avoid even the appearance of unfaithfulness, for where jealousy is awakened, conjugal felicity ends. They should bear with each other's faults and infirmities, and not ruin their home life by dissensions.

The wife will influence her husband for good more effectually by silence, meekness, and prayer, than by nagging and scandalous scolding. The husband should remember that his wife also needs companionship; he should not long be away.

3. The spouses should always live together, and have a real Christian family life. They must however remember that all marital relations must be in accord with divine and natural law in the "faithfulness of chastity."

Their affection should not be purely human, but holy and supernatural, in accordance with the purpose of their state, which was instituted by God. "For we are the children of saints: and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God" (Tob. 8:5).

4. For its type and models marriage has the Mystical Union between Christ and His Church. The husband should love his wife as Christ loves the Church, with a holy and supernatural love, as his own self. The wife should love and obey her husband as the head of the family.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church" (Eph. 5:25). "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is becoming in the Lord" (Col. 3:19). In explaining the meaning of this latter passage, Pius XI in his Encyclical on Christian marriage says: "This subjection does not take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; or does it bid her obey her husband's every request, even if not in harmony with right reason or the dignity due her as a wife. ... But it forbids that exaggerated liberty which cares not for the good of the family; it forbids that in this body which is the family, the heart be separated from the head, to the great detriment of the whole body, and the proximate danger of ruin. For if the man is the head, the woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, she ought to claim for herself the chief place in love."

What are the duties of the married as parents?

— It is the grave obligation of parents to provide for their children and to train them in the love and fear of God. (See also pages 208-209, "Duties of Parents")

1. The primary purpose of marriage is the begetting and rearing of children in the fear and love of God, in order that they may join Him in heaven some day.

Since the primary purpose of marriage is to bring children into the world, any attempt to frustrate this purpose while making use of its means is intrinsically evil, against natural and divine law, and necessarily a grievous sin. This is why such procedures as birth control, abortion and sterilization are mortal sins and violations of the sacrament.

2. Some parents are at great pains to amass wealth to bequeath to their children, but pay no attention to their upbringing. The best legacy they can leave their children is the love of God.

The religious training of the child depends mostly on the mother. A mother who spends her time gossiping with her neighbours, going from one social function to another, or engrossing herself in useless amusements to the neglect of her children, has much to answer for before God. How happy good parents will be when they go before God's judgement seat and are able to say: "Those whom Thou hast given me I have guarded" (John 17:12).

Is artificial birth control immoral?

— Artificial birth control is immoral, contrary to both natural and divine law.

1. Artificial birth control contravenes the primary purpose of marriage and prostitutes it for other ends.

The practice of birth control will, if carried out to its inevitable conclusion, some day, as a sarcastic writer comments, "give over the country to the animals." In many countries the birth rate is now in the negative. Nations will disappear.

2. God severely punishes even in this life those who practice "birth control." It results in sterility, vice, weakness of the will, etc., besides physical diseases.

One who tries to circumvent God cannot escape punishment, both in this life and the next. The only licit way of preventing birth and limiting the number of children is by not using the marital rights. If in a formal and explicit stipulation before marriage, a man says to a woman (or vice versa) : "I marry you, provided we shall have no children," this marriage is not valid. It is against the natural law of God, confirmed and enforced by the Church in Canon 1013, which says: "The primary end of marriage is the procreation and education of offspring." If this end is wilfully excluded, there can be no marriage.

Is abortion evil?

— Direct abortion is evil, a grave sin, contrary to the law of God; indirect abortion may be permitted.

1. Direct abortion is committed when the foetus is intentionally removed from the mother's womb before it is able to lead a separate life, even if this were done in the very earliest period of pregnancy. Direct abortion is equivalent to murder; those guilty of it, or who cooperate either physically or morally, incur excommunication.

Direct abortion cannot be permitted even to save a mother's life. If the foetus or the baby is killed purposely because by not doing so the mother might die, that is direct abortion. It is estimated that in many countries, one pregnancy in three ends in abortion.

2. Indirect abortion may occur when, although not intended, the death of the foetus follows some operation or other treatment performed on the mother. Such treatments and operations are permitted only when it is certain that both mother and child would otherwise die. In such cases, the child must receive Baptism.

In order to be certain of circumstances, a conscientious Catholic physician should be consulted.