170. Preparation for Marriage

Those who enter matrimony should imitate the good dispositions of Tobias and Sara (3), who began their married life with prayer, and lived each day in the presence of God. Before receiving the sacrament of matrimony, the couple should make a very good confession (1), in order to be in the state of grace. At the Nuptial Mass, they should receive Our Lord (2), so that He may honour their wedding with His Divine Presence.

What should a couple do who have decided to get married?

— A couple who have decided to get married should separately appear, with baptismal certificate, before the parish priest of the bride, for the canonical examination.

1. This should be done about a month before the projected marriage, to allow time for the calling of the banns. With hand on the Gospels, the contracting party swears that the truth is being told; he then replies to the questions asked by the pastor.

The main questions concern dispositions for the reception of the sacrament: the Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation of the contracting party, and impediments. Should there be any impediments, a dispensation, if possible, has to be arranged. Should there be diriment impediment that cannot be given a dispensation, the marriage cannot take place.

2. The canonical examination makes sure that the contracting parties know what they are doing, and do it of their own free will. In this way, the Church shows its solicitude for its members; every possible precaution is taken in order that all may enter the state of matrimony fully prepared and safeguarded.

After the canonical examination the marriage license should be secured, and other requirements of the State complied with, such as blood tests, etc.

What are the "banns of matrimony"?

— The banns of matrimony are a public proclamation of an intended marriage, made at the principal Mass on three successive Sundays or festival days, in the church or churches to which the bride and groom belong.

1. The purpose of the banns is to discover impediments, to avoid secret marriages, and to furnish those interested an opportunity to intervene, should they wish to do so.

In this, Mother Church shows its solicitude for her children, avoiding hasty marriages, doing her best to assure a holy and valid union. Dispensation from banns is granted for urgent reasons.

2. If either party has lived, after reaching canonical marriageable age, for six or more months away from the community in which the marriage is to be celebrated, the bishop may also require the publication of the banns in the other place or places.

By permission of the ordinary, the banns, instead of being read out, may be posted at the church door.

3. If anyone knows of any impediment to a proposed marriage, he is bound in conscience to make it known to the pastor or other clergy concerned; otherwise he is guilty of sin.

Ordinarily, the marriage ceremony is not performed till three days after the last publication of the banns.

Christian marriage is a holy union, blessed by God, between one man and one woman. It is an indissoluble and pure relation, like the union between Christ and His Church. As the priest says to the man at the end of the Toledano marriage ritual, "I give you a companion, not a servant; love her as Christ loves His Church." The union is for life, for better or worse.

What does the marriage ceremony include?

— In its fullness, the marriage ceremony includes: the nuptial contract, the nuptial Mass, and the nuptial blessing.

1. Matrimony is both a sacrament and a contract. In all other sacraments, the ordinary minister is of the clergy; in Matrimony, because it is a contract, the ministers are the parties concerned, the bride and groom.

When the man and woman first offer themselves to each other for marriage, the first condition of a contract is fulfilled. When the offer is accepted, the second condition is fulfilled. And in the ceremony of Matrimony, when the man and woman give free and mutual consent, the contract is sealed. The contract is consummated when the rights mutually exchanged are first exercised.

2. The words in the marriage ceremony by which the man and woman express mutual consent to take each other as husband and wife constitute the essential part of the sacrament; they seal the marriage contract.

The priest is present only as the representative of the Church, a necessary witness for the safeguarding of the marital contract, and to implore God's blessing on the pair. He is really only the most important of the witnesses, the intermediary of Mother Church.