Other Reasons to Comfort and Conform Us to the Will of God in Dryness and Desolation at Meditation

ALTHOUGH it is well to think, for our greater confusion and humiliation, that our distress comes through our own fault, nevertheless we should be aware that such distress is not always the chastisement of sin, but an arrangement and deep providence of the Lord, Who distributes His gifts as suits Him. It is not proper for the whole body to be eyes, or feet, or hands, or head, but there must be different members in the Church; and this special and eminent prayer of which we have spoken in the treatise On Prayer (Chapters 4-5) is not suited to be given to all, nor need it be given to them, because they do not merit it. Even though they did merit it, nevertheless they will merit more in another way, and God will do them a greater favor in giving them this than in giving them that. There have been many great saints of whom we do not know that they attained anything else than the ordinary prayer; and if they did attain anything more, still they would say with St. Paul: Far be it from me to glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ (Gal. vi. 14).

Father Master Avila makes hereon a very consoling remark. ‘“There are some,” he says, “whom God leaves in desolation for many years and sometimes for the whole of their lives; and theirs, I believe, is the happier lot if they have faith enough not to be disheartened, and patience and fortitude enough to suffer so great a deprivation.” Once a man comes to persuade himself that this is the happier condition for him, he will readily fall in with the will of God. Saints and masters of spiritual life give many reasons to explain and prove that this is the happier condition for such people; but for the present we will give only one of the principal reasons, taken from St. Augustine, St. Jerome, St. Gregory, and others. It is that not all are equal to preserving humility at the height of contemplation. Scarce have we shed one little tear when we fancy ourselves spiritual men, men of prayer, and perhaps compare and prefer ourselves to others. Even St. Paul seems to have needed some counterpoise not to be lifted up by these things. Lest the greatness of revelations should lift me up, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, an angel of satan to buffet me (II Cor. xii. 7). Though he had been raised up to the third heaven and had received great revelations, yet God permitted temptation to come upon him, to humble him and let him know his weakness. Therefore, though this road seems the higher, that other is the safer. And so the most wise God, Who guides us all to one end, which is Himself, takes each by that path which He knows to be most suitable tohim. Haply, if you found great facility in meditation, instead of coming forth from it humbled and improved, you would have come out proud and puffed up; but this other way you are ever humbled and confounded and take yourself for the least of all. This way, then, is for you the more suitable and safe, though you do not understand it. You know not what you ask (Matt. xx. 22). St. Gregory teaches a good lesson to our purpose on those words of Job: If he cometh to me, I shall not see him. If he goeth away, I shall not understand (Job ix. 11). Man is so blinded by sin, he says, that he does not know when he is approaching God or when he is going away from Him; and oftentimes what he thinks is a grace of God and a means of drawing nearer to God, turns out after all to be divine anger and an occasion of God’s retiring from him; while oftentimes what he thinks is divine anger and a cause of God’s withdrawing from him and forgetting him, is a grace and a cause why God should not withdraw from him. Who is there that, seeing himself elevated to a lofty height of contemplation and much consoled and favored of God, will not think that he is drawing nearer to God? Yet oftentimes from these favors one comes to a sense of pride and false security and vain confidence, and the devil brings him to fall just by that whereby he thought he was mounting up and approaching nearer to God. And, contrariwise, a man seeing himself disconsolate and afflicted with grave temptations, much harassed with indecent and blasphemous thoughts and thoughts against faith, thinks that God is angry with him and is forsaking him, whereas it is just then that God is nearer him, because thereon he humbles himself more and knows his own weakness and flings himself upon God more heartily and thoroughly, putting in Him all his confidence and seeking never to be separated from Him. Thus that is not the better way which you think is best, but the way by which God chooses to take you. Further, this very bitterness, pain, and grief that you feel, thinking that you do not practise prayer so well as in reason you should, may be another ground of comfort; it is a particular grace and favor of God and a sign that you love Him, since there is no grief without some love. I cannot be sorry for not serving Him well, without some purpose and will to serve Him well; thus this pain and grief spring from love of God and desire to serve Him better. If you made no account of serving Him badly, of making a bad meditation, of doing your work ill, it would be a bad sign; but to feel pain and grief because you do things badly is a good sign. But this pain is appeased by the consideration that the failure, so far as it is painful, is the will of God, and by conforming yourself to that will and giving Him thanks that He lets you be thus desirous to please Him, although it seem to you that your performances are poor.

And further, though we do nothing else in prayer but assist thereat and stand in presence of His Royal and Divine Majesty, we thereby do great service to God, as we see that it greatly makes to the majesty of kings and princes on earth that the grandees of their court come every day to the palace and assist and stand there in presence. Blessed is he that watcheth at my gates daily, and keepeth guard at the posts of my door (Prov. viii. 34). To the glory of the majesty of God, and the lowliness of our condition, and the greatness of the business we have on hand, it belongs that we should be oftentimes in waiting, keeping watch at the gates of His heavenly palace; and when He opens the gates, render Him thanks; and when He opens not, humble ourselves, knowing that we do not deserve it. In this way, your prayer will always be excellent and profitable, saying with Bartholomew of the martyrs: “All hail, thou bitterness, bitter and most bitter, but full of graces and blessings.”