That lt Is a Great Mistake and Grave Temptation to Give Over Meditation for Finding Ourselves in the Condition Aforesaid

ENCE it follows that it is a great mistake and a grave temptation, when one sees himself in this condition, to give up meditation or not go on with it so steadily, on the idea that one can make nothing of it, and it is sheer waste of time. With this temptation the devil has made many give up meditation, not only many seculars, but also many religious. And when he cannot make them give it up altogether, he gets them to make less effort over it, or spend in it less time than they ought. Many begin to give themselves to meditation, and so long as they have fine weather and devotion they go on and continue very well; but coming to the season of dryness and distraction, they fancy that this is no prayer, but a new sin, being there before God with so much distraction and so little reverence. Thus, little by little, they abandon meditation and fancy they serve God better in other exercises and occupations than in being there making such a poor figure at prayer. The devil, seeing their weakness here, makes the best of his opportunity and attacks them in such force with evil thoughts and distractions at meditation that they take that time for lost. Thus, little by little, he gets them to abandon meditation altogether, and virtue with it. In come cases things go further still; indeed, we know many in which this has been _ the first step to perdition.

There is a friend who will share thy table and will not stand by thee in the day of thy distress (Ecclus. vi. 10). To rejoice in God—there is none who will not do that; but to labor and suffer for His sake is the sign of true love. When meditation is attended with consolation and devotion, it is not much for you to persevere in it and spend many hours over it. You may do that for your own satisfaction and to suit your own taste. It is a sign that such was your motive, when you cease to persevere the moment that consolation fails. God’s true friends are proved when He sends them desolation and dryness and distractions. Then are seen the faithful servants who seek not their own interest, but purely the will and contentment of God. It is then that we must persevere in humility and patience, spending over meditation all the time marked out for it, and even a little more, as our Father advises, thereby to Overcome the temptation and show ourselves strong and resolute against the devil.

Palladius relates that, when he was engaged in consideration of the things of God, shut up in a cell, he had a great temptation of aridity and many annoying thoughts; and it came into his head that he should abandon that exercise as doing him no good. He went to the holy Macarius of Alexandria and told him of this temptation and asked his advice. The saint replied: “When these thoughts tell you to go your way and that you are making nothing of it, tell them: ‘Here I mean to stay within the walls of this cell for love of Christ.’” Which was telling him to persevere and be satisfied with doing that holy work for love of Christ, even though he gathered no fruit from it but that. That is a very good answer for us when this temptation comes to us. For the principal end which we should have in view in this holy exercise, and the intention with which we should go to it and work at it, is not our own pleasure and satisfaction, but to do a good and holy work, thereby to please God and give Him satisfaction, and pay some part of the great debt we owe Him for being what He is and the innumerable benefits that we have received at His hand. Since He wishes and is pleased at my being here just now, I am satisfied although I seem to be doing nothing.

It is related of St. Catherine of Siena that for several days she was in desolation, deprived of spiritual consolations and not feeling her usual fervor of devotion, and besides much molested with evil thoughts, foul and impure thoughts which she could not shake off. Still she did not on that account give up her prayer, but did it the best way she could, persevering in it very diligently, and she thus addressed herself: “Thou vile sinner, thou dost not deserve any consolation. What, shalt not thou fain be content with not being condemned to hell, even though thou wert to bear these darknesses and torments all thy life long? Surely it was not to get consolations in this life that thou didst betake thyself to the service of God, but to enjoy Him in heaven everlastingly. Get up, then, and go on with thy exercises and persevere in fidelity to thy Lord.”

Let us, then, imitate these examples and steady ourselves by these words of a holy man: “Let this be my consolation, O Lord, willingly to forego all human consolation; and if Thy consolation also fail me, let Thy will and Thy just proving of me be to me in place of the highest consolation” (A Kempis). If we attain to this, that the will and satisfaction of God is all our satisfaction, and this very lack of all consolation is our satisfaction for its being the will and satisfaction of God, then shall we have true satisfaction such as nothing can take away from us.