Letter (number unidentified). To Don Lorenzo Be Cepe13A, Avila, Toledo, February, 27, 28, 1577

On prayer and penance. Don Gaspar dc Toledo approves of the Life\ and wishes that a foundation should be made at Madrid, Holy water and the devil. Fathers Gradan and Tostado.

Jesus be with your Honour.

BEFORE I forget, (as I did before), I must ask you to tell Francisco to send me some well cut pens, for none can be got here, much to my disgust and trouble. Never prevent his writing to me, for perhaps he may need it, and he>is content with a short answer which does me no harm.

I think this illness will be good for me, as people will become accustomed to my using a secretary. I might have done so before in unimportant matters and shall continue to use one.

My health is better since I took some pills. I think that fasting at the beginning of Lent injured not only my head but my heart, though the latter is much improved and during the last few days my head is recovering. It was my head that troubled me most — in fad: very much indeed — for I was afraid I should be rendered incapable of using it. It would have been extremely rash to attempt to pray, and our Lord well knew what harm it would do me, for much to my surprise, I was as bereft of supernatural recoUeftion as though I had never experienced it, and itwould have been beyond my power to resist it, had it come.

Do not he distressed on my account; my head will gradually recuperate. I take all the care of myself that I see is requisite — which means a great deal: in fad: I allow myself more indulgence than is usual in this house.

I shall not be able to praélise prayer yet. I very much want to get well, and as it is on your account I think the wish is right. With my character I need such a reason to prevent my grieving at it. I digest mutton so badly that I am obliged to eat poultry, as all my sufferings come from weakness in consequence of having fasted since the feast of the Cross in September, combined with my age and troubles. In fad:, I can do so little that it is grievous : this body of mine always harms me and prevents my doing good. But I am not so ill that I cannot write to you myself; that mortification has been spared me yet, and I realize that it would be a hard one for me.

You must forgive me for not allowing you to wear a hair shirt, because you must not choose for yourself You must limit your time for the discipline as then you will feel it more and it will not harm you. Do not take a hard discipline; it does not matter much, though you may think it a great imperfedlion. To give you your own way in something, I send you another hair shirt to wear two days a week from the time you rise until you go to bed: you are not to sleep in it. I am amused at your counting the days so exactly: it is a new fashion and I do not think the Discalced nuns have attained to it yet. Be sure not to wear the other hair shirt at present; keep it by you.

I am forwarding to Teresa a hair shirt and the very hard discipline she asked me for; will you give them to her with my love. Father Julian of Avila speaks very favourably of her, thank God. May He ever have her in His care. He has shown great mercy to her and to those who love her.

The fad: is, I have been hoping for some time that you would suffer from dryness, so I was glad when I read your letter, though yours does not deserve the name of aridity. Believe me, it is a good thing in many ways.

If this hair shirt reaches all round you, put a piece of linen next your stomach or it will be very injurious. Never wear it or take the discipline when you suffer with your loins or it will do you much harm. God prefers your health and obedience to your penances. Remember Saul and do as I say. It will be no small thing if you bear with that person's condition.' In my opinion, all his great troubles and pains come from melancholia so that he is not to blame nor need we distress ourselves, but thank God that we are free from that torment.

Be sure to take enough sleep and collation. People who are so anxious to serve God do not realize what harm thev are doing themselves until too late. I

' An allusion to Samuel's words : Mel'ior est obedientia quam victims. (I Kings, XV, 2 2.)

' Pedro de Ahumada, who was always asking his relations for money which he squandered at once, making himself a burden to them by his restlessness and discontent. He was embittered by disappointment at receiving no reward in return for fighting valiantly for the king in the East Indies. He had been to court and his claims were disregarded.

assure you that experience of my own case and other people's has taught me this. If the hair shirt is worn everv day, it is not so penitential in one way as we feel it less when we become used to it, and it does not produce the strange sensation you mention. You should not fasten it so tightly over the shoulders. Take care not to injure your health in any way. It is a great grace that you bear your inability to pray so well, and a sign that you are resigned to the will of God, which I believe is the greatest benefit obtained by prayer.

I have had good news of my manuscripts. The Grand Inquisitor is reading them, which is something new. They must have been favourably mentioned to him. He told Doña Luisa that they contained nothing an inquisitor need interfere with, and deserved praise rather than blame. He asked her why I had not founded a convent in Madrid. He is strongly in favour of the Discalced and has just been made Archbishop of Toledo. Doña Luisa must have called on him: she has the matter much at heart and they are close friends. She wrote telling me this: she is coming here soon when I shall hear the rest. Will you tell the Bishop, the Subpt ioress, and Sister Isabel de San Pablo, and no one else. They are to keep it secret and to pray about it. It is extremely good news. My stay at Toledo has benefited everything except my head, for I have had more letters to write here.

You will learn from the enclosed letter from the Prioress how half the debt on the convent has been paid without touching the money belonging to Beatriz and her mother. The rest will soon be cleared off, please God. I am delighted with this and with Augustins letter saying that he had not left the place. I am sorry that you sent your letter without mine. The Marquesa de Villena will be sending a letter to the Viceroy (whose favourite niece she is) when there is a safe opportunity. I regret that Augustin is still in the same position ; pray for him as I do.

As regards holy water, I only know what I have learnt by experience. I have spoken about it to various theologians who did not co.Uradidl my opinion. As you sav it is enough that the Church approves.

In spite of all the nuns have to suffer in reforming the convent at Paterna, they prevent many sins being committed.

Francisco de Salcedo says much that is true about Doña Ospedal, at any rate when he declares that I am like her in this case. Remember me very kindly to him and to Pedro de Ahumada. I do not want to write more except to suggest that if without harming yourself, you could afford to give Juan de O valle" enough money to huy some sheep; it would be a great help for his family and a true charity.

I have changed pens so many times during this letter that the handwriting will look worse than usual. However, that is the reason — not my health.

I wrote this yesterday and felt better this morning, glory be to God. The fear of not recovering must have been worse for me than the illness. My companion amuses me about the workman; she talks of his capabilities and I told her to mention him to you. However, the Prioress considers him skilful and I think she understands the matter and that he will manage our business well. She knows both men, but I always thought it was Vitoria who undertook that department.

God grant the affair may succeed and may He preserve you in His service ! Amen. To-day is February 28.

The Father Visitor is well. They say Tostado is coming back. Our affairs teach us what the world is: it seems nothing but a comedy. However, I heartily wish our Father were delivered from those people. May God do as He sees is best for us!

The Prioress and all the nuns send you their best wishes. The Prioresses of Seville and Salamanca take good care of me, and even those of Veas and Caravaca have done what they could: in fad:, they all show their good will.

I wish I were near you so that you could see this for yourself, and that I might have the pleasure of

' Juana's husband, who was always needy and unsuccessful in business. VOL. II. 18 sending you some of their [resents. Some shad encrusted in pastry came from Seville to-day so that the nuns made a good dinner. I am very glad, for Toledo is a perfeft desert. The kindly feeling of the donors is what pleases me.

Your Honour's unworthy servant, Teresa de Jesus.