Of Another Main Motive for a Man to Know Himself and Gain Humility, Which Is the Consideration of His Sins

| Lee us go on and dig deeper still in the knowledge of ourselves: let us give another stroke of the pickax. But what further ground is there to dig? What is deeper than nothingness? Yes, there is something a good deal deeper. What is that? The sin that you have added to your nothingness. Oh, what a deep thing is that! Much deeper it is than nothingness, since sin is worse than not being at all, and it were better not to have been than to have sinned. So Christ our Redeemer said of Judas, who was to sell Him: It were better for him if he had never been born (Matt. xxvi. 24). There is no position so low, so cut off and estranged from goodness, as man in mortal sin, disinherited of heaven, enemy of God, sentenced to hell for ever and for ever. And although now, by the goodness of the Lord, you have no mortal sin on your conscience, yet we ought to remember the time when we were in sin, just as, to know our nothingness, we called to mind the time when we had no being. See in what a wretched state you were when before the eyes of God you were foul, displeasing, and His enemy, a child of wrath, bound over to everlasting fires; and so depreciate yourself and abase yourself to the lowest degree that you can. There is plenty of room for it. You may very well believe that, however much you put down and humble yourself, you cannot go too low, nor fathom the abyss of discredit which he deserves who has offended the infinite good, which is God. There is no touching bottom in this business; it is a profound and infinite abyss, for till we see in heaven how good God is, we cannot entirely know how evil sin is as being against God, and the evil he deserves who commits it.

Oh, if we could go on with this consideration and dig and go deep in this mine of our sins and miseries, how humble should we be! How little esteem should we have of ourselves, and how well should we take being put down and discredited! When a man has been a traitor to God, what measure of disparagement will he not embrace for love of Him! When a man has bartered away God for a fancy and appetite of his own and the gratification of a moment; when he has offended his Creator and Lord, and deserved to be in hell for ever and ever, what insults, what injuries, what affronts will he not take in good part, in compensation and satisfaction for the offenses which he has committed against the majesty of God! The Prophet David said: Before the scourge came wherewith God afflicteth and humbleth me, I offended Him (Psalm cxviii. 67) ; and for that I was silent and durst not complain, because all is much less than it should have been, to be in proportion to my faults. Thou hast chastised me, O Lord, as I deserved, for all that we can suffer in this life is as nothing in comparison with what one mortal sin that we have committed deserves. Think you not that he deserves to be dishonored and despised who has dishonored and despised God? Think you not that it is reasonable that he be held in little regard who has held God in little regard? Think you not that the will which has dared to offend its Creator deserves that henceforth never shall anything come off of what it purposes and wishes, in punishment of so great audacity on its part?

Herein is another particular to be observed, that, though Wwe may trust in the mercy of God that He has now pardoned our sins, yet after all we have no certainty thereof. Man knows not, says the Wise Man, whether God loves or abhors him. Man knoweth not whether he be worthy of love or hatred (Eccles. ix.1). I am not conscious to myself of anything, yet I am not thereby justified, said St. Paul (I Cor. iv. 4). Woe is me if I am not justified; little, then, will it profit me that I am a religious and have converted others. Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, says the Apostle, though I have the gift of prophecy, and know all sciences; though I give all my goods to the poor, and have converted the whole world, if I have not charity, Iam nothing and it profiteth me nothing (I Cor. xiii. 1-3). Woe to you if you have not charity and the grace of God; you are nothing, and less than nothing. This is a great motive for walking in humility, and always thinking meanly of oneself, and making small account of oneself, not to know whether one is in grace or whether one is in sin. If I know for certain that I have offended God and do not know for certain whether I am forgiven, who will dare to raise his head? Who will not, in this thought, go about in confusion and humble himself beneath the earth?

St. Gregory says that God has hidden His grace from us that we might make sure of one grace, namely, humility—ut unam gratiam certam habeamus, humilitatem. And though it seems painful, this fear and uncertainty that God has left us in, not knowing for certain whether we be in His grace or not, yet this has proved a blessing and mercy of His in so far as it is helpful to us for attaining humility, preserving the same, and not despising anyone however many sins he has committed. Oh, the possibility that Soand-So, though he has committed more sins that I have, may be now forgiven and in the grace of God, whereas I do not know if I am! This consideration serves us as a spur not to be negligent, but always to walk in fear and humility before God, craving His pardon and mercy, as the Wise Man advises us: Blessed is the man who is ever in fear (Prov. xxviii. 14): Of sin forgiven be not without fear (Ecclus. v. 5). A very efficacious consideration, this of our sins, to keep us within bounds and make us ever walk in humility and bowed down to earth; and there is much room to dig and go deep therein.

Further, if we set ourselves to consider the effects and losses caused in us by original sin, we shall find copious and abundant material to humble us and keep us within small compass. Our nature is so depraved by sin that, as a stone by its weight is inclined to go down to the ground, so we by the corruption of original sin have a most lively inclination to the things of our flesh, our honor and temporal profit; we are quite alive to earthly things that affect us and very dead to the taste of heavenly and spiritual things; that element rules in us which ought to obey, and that obeys which ought to rule; and, finally, we are so miserable that under the human body erect and straight we carry hidden appetites of beasts and hearts bowed down to earth. Wicked is the heart of all men and unsearchable: who shall know it? (Jerem. xvii. 9). Who can know the malice of the human heart? The more you dig in this wall, the more abominations will be brought to light, as was shown in figure to Ezekiel (viii. 8).

Then if we set ourselves to consider our present faults, we shall find ourselves full of them; for this is what we have of our own creation. How ready we are with our tongue, how careless in the custody of our thought, how inconstant in our good resolutions, what lovers of our own interest and ease, how keen to gratify our appetites, how full of selflove, self-will, and our own judgment, how lively our passions still are, how untamed our evil inclinations, and how easily we let ourselves be carried away by them!

St. Gregory says very well on those words of Job: Against a leaf that is carried away by the wind Thou showest Thy power (Job xiii. 25), that there is much reason for comparing man to the leaf of a tree; for, as that waves and turns with every wind, so does man put about and change under the wind of passions and temptations. Now it is anger that excites him, now foolish mirth, now the passion of avarice and ambition carries him away, now that of lust, now pride lifts him up, now inordinate fear overwhelms and bears him down. So Isaias says: We are all fallen like leaves, and our iniquities like a wind have carried us away (Isaias lxiv. 6). As the leaves of trees are buffeted and fall before the winds, so we are buffeted and overthrown by temptations; we have no stability, no firmness in virtue nor in our good resolutions. We do well to be confounded and humble ourselves, not only for our evils and sins, but even considering the works that seem to us quite good. If we consider and examine them well, we shall find abundant occasion and matter to humble ourselves for the faults and imperfections that are commonly mingled with them, according to the saying of the same prophet: We have come to be all unclean as lepers; and as a rag stained with loathsome blood, so are all our good works (Isaias lxiv. 6), if we consider the imperfections that are usually found in them, of which we have spoken elsewhere, and need not enlarge on it now.