Of the Good Things and Great Advantages That There Are in the Exercise of Self-Knowledge

fae encourage us more in this exercise of self-knowledge, we will go on to mention some of the great inducements to it and advantages that there are in it. We have already mentioned one very principal inducement, that it is the foundation and root of humility and a necessary means to get it and keep it. Someone asked one of those ancient Fathers how he might obtain true humility, and he answered: “By keeping your eyes off other people’s faults and fixing them on your own.” By digging down and going deep in self-knowledge you will attain to true humility. That is enough to make us attend much to this exercise, seeing that it is worth so much to us for the gaining of the virtue of humility.

But the saints go further, and say that humble knowledge of oneself is the surest way of knowing God, which is the profoundest of all sciences. This is the reason given by St. Bernard. Self-knowledge is deeper and more profitable than other sciences, because thereby man comes to the knowledge of God. This is what St. Bonaventure says we are given to understand by that miracle in the Gospel, which Christ our Redeemer worked on the man blind from his birth, putting clay on his eyes, and so giving him bodily sight, thereby to see himself, and also spiritual sight, to know God and adore Him. Thus to us, who are born blind, ignorant of God and of ourselves, God gives sight by putting before our eyes the clay of which we are formed, that, recognizing ourselves to be but a little clay, we may receive the sight of what we are, and know in the first place ourselves and thence come to know God.

The same is the aim of our holy Mother the Church in the ceremony which she practises at the beginning of Lent of putting ashes above our eyes: “Remember, man, that thou art dust, and into dust thou shalt return;” that man, knowing himself, may come to know God and be sorry for having offended Him and do penance for his sins. Thus man’s seeing himself and knowing himself, is a means to arrive at the knowledge of God; and the better he knows his lowliness, the better will he know and come to see the grandeur and exalted majesty of God. Contrary put next to contrary, and one extreme put in front of another extreme, brings the other out. Opposita iuxta se posita magis elucent. White put on black shines out and is much more conspicuous. Now man is the extreme of lowness, and God the extreme of height. These are two contrary extremes; hence it is that the better a man knows himself, seeing that of himself he has no good, but only nothingness and sins, the better he will see the goodness and mercy and liberality of God, stooping to love and deal with such great abjection as ours.

Hence the soul comes to be greatly enkindled and inflamed with the love of God, never ceasing to wonder and give thanks to God that, miserable and evil as man is, God endures him and does him so many favors, whereas often we cannot endure ourselves. And so great is the goodness and mercy of God towards us, that He not only endures us, but says: My delights are to be with the children of men (Prov. viii. 31). What hast Thou found, O Lord, in the children of men, that thou sayest that Thy delights are to be and converse with them?

Therefore did the saints make such use of this exercise of self-knowledge, to come to a better knowledge of God and greater love of His Divine Majesty. That was the exercise and prayer that St. Augustine used: “My God, Who art ever being and never changest, may I know myself and know Thee.” This is the prayer in which the humble St. Francis spent days and nights: “Who art Thou, and who am I!” Thereby these saints arrived at a very high knowledge of God. This is a way very safe and sure to this end. The deeper you abase yourself and sink down in self-knowledge, the higher you will mount and grow in knowledge of God and of His goodness and infinite mercy. And again, the higher you mount up and grow in the knowledge of God, the more you will abase yourself and increase in knowledge of yourself. This heavenly light lights up corners and makes the soul ashamed even of what in the world’s eyes seems on the contrary very good. St. Bonaventure says: “As when the rays of the sun come into a room, the motes at once appear; so the soul, lit up with the knowledge of God by the rays of that true Sun of Justice, sees at once in herself the tiniest things, and comes to take for evil and defective what a man with less light takes for good.”

This is the reason why the saints are so humble and make so little of themselves, because they have more light and a better knowledge of God and therefore also of themselves. They see that of their own stock they have nothing but nothingness and sins. And much as they know themselves, and many as are the faults that they see in themselves, they always believe that there are many more which they do not see; they believe that what they do know is the lesser part of their bad points and estimate themselves accordingly, believing that, as God is more good than they know, so they themselves are more evil than comes within the compass of their knowledge. Much as we know and understand of God, we can never comprehend Him; there is always more in Him to know and understand. So, however much we know of ourselves, we cannot fathom nor touch the bottom of our own misery. This is no exaggeration, but plain truth; for as man has of his own yield nothing but nothingness and sins, who can humble and abase himself as much as these two titles deserve?

We read of a holy woman that she begged of God light to know herself, and saw in herself such foulness and misery that she could not endure it, and besought God once more: ‘‘Lord, not so much, else I shall lose heart.” Father Master Avila says that he knew a person who oftentimes asked God to discover to him what he might be. God opened his eyes ever so little—and the sight might have cost him dear; he saw himself so foul and abominable that he cried out aloud: “Lord, in Thy mercy take away this mirror from before my eyes; I have no mind to see more of my own figure.”

Hence there arises in the servants of God that holy hatred and abhorrence of themselves of which we have spoken above; for the more they know the immense goodness of God and the more they love it, so much the more do they abhor themselves as being contrary to and an enemy of God, according to that saying of Job (vii. 20): Why hast Thou set me contrary to Thee, and I am become grievous to myself? They see that in themselves they have the root of all evils, which is our self-will and the evil and perverse inclination of our flesh, from which proceed all sins, and with this knowledge they rise up against themselves and abhor themselves. Does it not seem to you reasonable to abhor him who has made you give up and barter away so great a good as God to take a little gratification and satisfaction? Does it not seem to you reasonable to bear enmity against him who has made you lose everlasting glory and deserve hell for ever and ever? Does it not seem reasonable to abhor him who has caused you such a disaster, and even still tries to bring it on you? Now that is what you are, the opponent and enemy of God, and enemy and opponent of your own good and your own salvation.