That Self-Knowledge Does Not Bring Discouragement, but Rather Courage and Strength

| ese is another very good thing in this exercise of selfknowledge, that not only it does not cause discouragement and cowardice, as one might perhaps expect, but on the contrary great courage and strength for all good work. The reason is that, when a man knows himself, he sees that he has nothing in himself to rest on, and accordingly has no confidence in himself and puts all his confidence in God, in Whom he finds himself strong and capable of anything. Such folk accordingly it is that are able to undertake great things and meet great emergencies and carry great affairs through; for, since they attribute all to God and nothing to themselves, God intervenes and makes the business His own and charges Himself with it. Then it is that He is ready to do wonders and achieve great results through feeble means and instruments, to show forth the riches of his glory in vessels of mercy, who are his elect (Rom. ix. 23). ‘To show forth the riches and treasures of His mercies, God seeks for weak and caitiff instruments to do great things. It is in the vessels of greater weakness that He is wont to store the treasures of His strength, that in this way His glory may better shine forth.

This is what God Himself said to St. Paul when, fatigued with his temptations, the Apostle cried out to be delivered from them. God answered: My grace is sufficient for thee, however many the temptations and weaknesses that thou feelest, since it is then that the power of God shows itself more perfect and more strong, when infirmity and weakness is greater (II Cor. xii. 9). As the physician gains greater honor, the more grievous and dangerous the sickness, so the greater the weakness in us, the greater honor is won for the arm of God. So St. Augustine and St. Ambrose explain this passage. Thus it comes to pass that, when a man knows himself and distrusts himself and puts his whole trust in God, then His Divine Majesty stands by and aids him; and on the contrary when one goes to work confiding in his methods and precautions, then he is forsaken and left forlorn. This, says St. Basil, is the reason why often on occasion of some high feasts, when we desired and expected to make a better meditation and feel more devotion, we feel less, because we were confident in our own methods and our own appliances and preparations; and at other times, when we least thought of it, we are flooded unexpectedly with great blessings of sweetness, that Wwe may understand that this is a grace and mercy of the Lord and not any diligence or merit of our own.

Thus, then, the knowledge that a man has of his own weakness and misery does not discourage or make a coward of him, but animates and strengthens him the more. It is this that the Apostle says: When I am weak, that is, when I humble myself, then I am strengthened (II Cor. xii. 10). When I humble and abase myself and know that I can do nothing and am worth nothing, then I am strengthened and lifted up; so St. Augustine and St. Ambrose explain the passage. The more I know and see my infirmity and weakness, fixing my eyes on God, the stronger I find myself and more robust for every effort, God being my whole confidence and strength. And the Lord shall be his trust (Jerem. xvii. 7).

Hence it will be understood that it is not humility, nor do they spring from humility, those fits of discouragement and low spirits that sometimes come over us about our spiritual progress, when we think that we shall never be able to attain virtue or overcome the evil nature and inclination which besets us; or on other occasions, concerning the offices and ministries that obedience puts or might put upon us, saying to ourselves: “Have I the capacity to hear confessions? Have I the capacity to go on missions, or for other like things?” This looks like humility, but often it is not; rather it springs from pride, a man fixing his eyes on himself, as though it was by his own abilities, contrivances, and diligence that he was to be able to do anything, whereas he ought to fix them on God, in Whom we should find strength and encouragement. The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life: of whom shall I be afraid? If an army rise wp against me, my heart shall not fear: if in battle array they stand out against me, in God will I hope. Though I walk in the midst of the shadow of death, and go down to the very gates of hell, my heart shall not fear, since thou, O Lord, art with me (Psalm xxii. 4; xxvi. 1-3). In how many different words does the holy prophet say the same thing! The Psalms are full of it, to show the abundance of affection and confidence that the psalmist had, and we ought to have, in God. In my God I will climb over the wall (Psalm xvii. 34) ; how high soever it be, it shall be no obstacle in my way. He will overcome giants like locusts. In my God I will trample upon lions and dragons; with the grace and favor of the Lord we will be strong. God hath trained my hands for battle. Thou, O Lord, hast given my arms the strength of a bow of steel (Psalm xvii. 35).