XIV — ARIDITY

Presence of God. — O Lord, help me to be faithful to Thee, that the spirit of prayer may not be quenched in me through any fault of mine.

Meditation

1 — Habitually, at the outset of a more intense spiritual life, the soul enjoys a sensible fervor that renders the spiritual exercises easy and pleasant. Good thoughts, affections, and impulses of the heart spring from it spontaneously; to collect itself alone with God in prayer is for it a joy; the time it spends there passes quickly; and it is not uncommon for the presence of God to make itself almost sensibly felt. It finds a similar ease in the practice of mortification and the other virtues. But ordinarily this state does not last long, and at a certain point the soul finds itself deprived of every sensible consolation. This suppression of sensible devotion constitutes precisely the state of aridity, which may arise from various causes.

At times it may arise from the soul’s infidelity — from a certain relaxation, in which it has allowed itself many small gratifications: of pastime or curiosity, of selfishness or self-love, which it had already renounced. If souls knew how many goods they deprive themselves of by such conduct, they would make any sacrifice rather than give way to such weaknesses! The habit of mortification, acquired with so much effort, is quickly lost, and one becomes again a slave to one’s passions. Self-love, which was not dead but only dormant, recovers its vigor and can thus become the cause not only of many voluntary imperfections that one had already overcome, but also of deliberate venial sins — and may at length drag into tepidity a soul that was already walking in fervor. A faithless soul, fallen back into mediocrity, cannot in its prayer protest to the Lord that it loves Him and wishes to advance in love, still less can it savor the joy of one who is conscious of truly loving its God. Hence it inevitably falls into aridity. In this state, the only remedy is to return to one’s former fervor. It will certainly cost much, but, far from being discouraged, the soul must apply itself to this as soon as possible. The Lord, moreover, loves so greatly to forgive!

2 — At other times, however, aridity arises from physical or moral causes entirely independent of ourselves. Indispositions, ill health, weariness, oppression caused by many anxieties or by excessive work — these are all causes that can make every sense of spiritual consolation disappear, often without any remedy being possible. It is then a trial which may even be prolonged, but in which we have every right to see the hand of God, who disposes all things for our good and cannot fail to grant us the adequate grace to draw profit from this suffering of ours. Even while feeling no more consolation, no longer experiencing any attraction for prayer, let the soul apply itself to it out of duty, seeking to remedy its incapacity by some ingenuity. “If something distracts you,” St. Teresa of Jesus teaches in such circumstances, “make use of reading, of colloquies with God, but never fail to consecrate to prayer the appointed time” (Way 18, 4).

And if, despite everything, the soul cannot move its heart, let it love the Lord with the will alone. The will, by means of this exercise — which requires great effort — will be strengthened, and although the soul is not aware of it, will be rendered capable of a more active, more generous love. It is, to be sure, a love devoid of feeling — but one must remember that the substance of love lies not in feeling but in willing at all costs to give pleasure to the beloved. And he who, to please God, perseveres in prayer while finding no comfort therein, loves with a true love. Progress in the spiritual life is not measured by the consolation the soul experiences; indeed, this is in no way required, for true devotion consists solely in the promptness of the will in the service of God. And the will can be most prompt and resolute in serving the Lord while remaining very arid and while having to struggle against many sensible repugnances.

Colloquy

“Look, O Lord my God, and see — Thou who art holy — see my affliction. Have pity on Thy child, whom Thou didst beget with no slight sorrow, and regard not my sins, lest Thou forget Thy possession. What father is there who will not deliver his child? And what child is there who will not be corrected by the loving rod of the Father? O Father and Lord, although I am a sinner, I cannot but be Thy child. Could a mother forget the child of her womb? Surely, if she should forget him, Thou, Father, hast promised not to forget him. Behold: I cry out, and Thou dost not hear me; I am torn with sorrow, and Thou dost not console me. What shall I say and what shall I do, standing far from Thine eyes?

“O Lord Jesus, where are Thine ancient mercies? Wilt Thou be angry with me until the end? Be appeased, I beseech Thee, and turn not Thy face from me... I confess that I have sinned; but it is certain that Thy mercy surpasses all my offenses!

“Weep, my soul, wail, wretch, and weep, for thy Spouse — Jesus Christ — hath dismissed thee. Almighty Lord, be not angry with me, for I could never bear Thy wrath. Have mercy on me, lest I fall into despair. If I have committed that which makes me worthy of damnation, Thou hast not omitted that by which Thou canst save sinners.

“Very much, O Lord, do I hope from Thy goodness, since Thou Thyself teachest me to ask, to seek, to knock; and therefore, instructed by Thy words, I ask, and I seek, and I knock. And Thou, O Lord, who commandest to ask — grant that I may receive; Thou who counselest to seek — grant me to find; Thou who teachest to knock — open to him who knocks; confirm me who am weak, restore me who am lost, raise me up who am dead; and deign to direct and govern all my senses, thoughts, and acts according to Thy good pleasure, that through Thee I may live, and to Thee give myself entirely” (St. Augustine).