XVI — ARIDITY AND PROGRESS

Presence of God. — O Lord, help me to seek You and to unite myself with You, even through the aridity and powerlessness of the spirit.

Meditation

1 — Even without the intervention of the physical or moral causes of which we have spoken above, the soul may plunge from a state of sensible fervor into the most absolute aridity. And this occurs by the direct action of God, who renders the soul incapable of making prayer with the aid of the imagination and of exercising itself as before in felt acts of love. The fact is that, whereas formerly the soul meditated or conversed affectionately with God with ease and relish, now it can accomplish nothing: it is impossible for it to put two thoughts together; ideas or readings that at other times had moved it so deeply now leave it altogether indifferent, and the heart remains hard and cold as stone. Though it watches itself carefully to remain faithful to mortification and generosity, though it intensifies its preparation for prayer and fervently implores the Lord to help it, it can no longer draw from its heart a single drop of devotion. The poor soul then becomes afflicted and fearful, thinking that through some fault of its own the Lord has abandoned it. And it does not know that this kind of aridity conceals a great grace of God — one of purification and progress in the ways of the spirit.

Indeed, through aridity the Lord intends to free it from the childishness of sensibility, in order to transport it onto the purer and more solid plane of the will. When prayer was filled with so much consolation, the soul, without quite realizing it, became somewhat attached to these sensible consolations, and thus loved and sought prayer not purely for God’s sake, but somewhat also for its own. Now, however, being deprived of all relish, it will learn to apply itself solely to please the Lord. Furthermore, no longer finding any support in beautiful thoughts and sweet emotions, it will learn to proceed solely by the force of the will, exercising itself in acts of faith and love that are wholly arid, yet all the more meritorious for being all the more voluntary. In this way its love for God will become purer, because more disinterested, and more solid, because more voluntary.

2 — Through aridity the soul also advances in humility. For its incapacity to meditate, to fix its attention, to awaken good sentiments in the heart convinces it ever more deeply of its own nothingness, making it tangible, so that it has no need of effort or reasoning to understand that, without God’s help, it can truly do nothing at all. And so, little by little, it strips itself of that self-esteem, that sense of confidence in its own powers, which, more or less secretly, had crept in during the time when everything in its prayer life came easily and pleasurably.

At the same time, seeing itself before the Lord so poor and miserable, there awakens in it a sense of deeper reverence, of greater awe before the infinite majesty of God. When it had been able in prayer to converse heart to heart with Him, perhaps it had somewhat forgotten the infinite distance that ever remains between God and His creature. Yes, God loves that we treat with Him in great confidence, and in a thousand ways He invites us to His intimacy; yet He remains ever the Inaccessible, and we the nothing, the misery. This sense of greater reverence, therefore, that ripens in the soul through the experience of its own nothingness is most precious — enabling it even in moments of the greatest loving intimacy always to approach God with true humility of heart.

If, then, in its prayer the soul can do no more than humble itself before the Lord, acknowledging its own nothingness, showing Him its impotences and incapacities, and on the other hand adoring His infinite greatness, it will have employed its time most well. Certainly, in this state of aridity, especially when distracted most severely, the soul always has the impression of accomplishing little in prayer; but let it not be dismayed, because — as St. Peter of Alcantara says — “before God, one who does all that little which one can, does much. It is no great thing to persevere long in prayer when one is consoled, but it is a great thing when sensible devotion is scant. Indeed, it is precisely then that prayer is great, and great also is the humility, patience, and perseverance.”

Colloquy

“O Lord, blessed be Your name for all the ages, for You have ordained that I should suffer this tribulation. I cannot escape it; therefore I have recourse to You that You may help me and convert it into good for me. O Lord, I am deeply afflicted; my heart has no rest, and it is greatly grieved by this hard trial. What shall I say then, O most beloved Father? I am in the midst of anguish: save me, Lord! This befalls me that You may have glory from it, for I shall be greatly humbled, and You will then deliver me. May it please You, O Lord, to deliver me, for of myself, miserable as I am, I can do nothing, and where shall I go without You?

“Grant me also this time the grace of patience: help me, O Lord, and I shall have no fear in any grievous trial. But what shall I say meanwhile amid these anguishes? Lord, may Your will be done. I have deserved, alas, to be troubled and oppressed, and it is good for me to suffer; may it please You at least that I bear it with patience, until the storm shall pass and calm return” (Imitation, III, 29, 1–2).

“O Jesus, in my dealings with You — nothing but aridity! But You do not regard me with disdain. I thank You, O Lord, for making me walk in darkness, for therein I dwell in a profound peace. I willingly consent to remain my whole life long in this dark underground into which You have led me. I desire only that my darkness may obtain light for sinners. I am happy — nay, most happy — to have no consolation whatsoever; I should be ashamed if my love resembled that of the brides of this world, who always keep their eyes fixed on their bridegroom’s hands to see whether he brings them some gift, or upon his face to catch a smile that might ravish them. O Jesus, I desire to love You for Yourself alone. I do not crave sensible love; it is enough that I bring comfort to You alone, O Lord!” (cf. T.B.G. Letters).